little happys

// avocado + banana bubble tea with extra boba.
// long + sweaty yoga classes where i stumble out of poses + fumble my way through sun salutations.
   bonus points when my nikki-friend comes with!
// jeff starting my car! it has been dead since we left for california. womp womp.
// a l o n g walk talking to my mama about everything under the sun.
// a temple date with jeff + nikki.
// el pollo loco. seriously.
// new episode of real housewives of new york city.
// a break from the triple digit weather.
// cherry pomegranate crystal light. mmmm, beveragey.
// my squirt top gatorade water bottle. makes me feel...athletic.
// my family coming next week! yay yay yay!

this post brought to you in part by a very uneventful tuesday + 
a missing sense of humor. 

r i g h t now //

right now i am :

* wanting to know my future. just a glimpse. considering calling a psychic.
* sweating my brains out. utah. so. hot.
* spending all the time i can with my paigey poo.
* absolutely, positively destroying my skin with all this sun time.
   woops. fifty year old me will be a leather purse.
* trying to do yoga again? ...get back to me on that one. hahahah.
* resisting the urge to drive thru mcdonald's every. single. day. for a soft serve ice cream.
* fleetingly baby hungry.
* looking forward to being a wedding attendee again this next month!
* wondering where we will be this time next year(???). such a strange time in life.
* watching an unsettling amount of HGTV. i love you, joanna gaines!

- - - - - -

march in bullet points. //

- - - -

OH HI! 
a little catch-up on my march :

1. paige came to visit.
2. shot a butt-load of engagements + a wedding.
3. complained about how busy i felt.
4. complained about how bored i was.
5. had a slight nervous breakdown on a little caesar's bench. hahahahah.
6. self-medicated with diet coke, chocolate, tanning + 35 phone calls to my mom.
    also sleep.
7. spent time with my mom + grandma at her swanky new retirement home.
8. went to logan/vegas/st. george.
9. started unbreakable kimmy schimdt + broad city.
10. ...quoted broad city ad naseum. YAS KWEEN!
11. walked a pug.
12. hopelessly underdressed for everything.
13. tried the master cleanse for 4 hours.
14. discovered GIFS + now don't actually use real words while texting.
15. mourned zayn malik. i don't care if you don't care. I CARE.
16. debated chopping my hair off/going blonder/getting extensions/bangs then
      realized i was at no place to make major hair decisions.
17. stood in front of my closet for a cumulative 7 hours trying to figure out what to wear.
      spring. you have me stumped.
18. got stoop-id with jeff. we love our stoop. jeff has a folding chair + it's so, wonderfully
      white trash.
19. resolved to get a pedicure.
20. ate dinner with my favorite bentley family. cabbage + corned beef, you bet.
21. LOVED THIS WEATHER.

ready for you, april.
peace, love, ponytails.
xoxo BROOKE.

(i wish i signed off all the time.)

Discuss! // BROOKE'S BRAIN

- - - - - - -

A few matters to  discuss here at Simply Brooke (remember when I was newly married + changed the name to Simply Us for two + a half weeks? CRINGE).

1. THE YOUTH : I subbed a middle school class the other week + was told I looked like a girl on The Bachelor. I didn't know quite how to take it  BUT I, of course, took the opportunity to talk about The Bachelor freely only to be met by SHOCKED stares. A girl screamed from across the room, "YOU WATCH THE BACHELOR?!" + then started going off about how it was so weird for an adult to watch that show + WHAT?!?

...wait. WAIT! You are thirteen. It is more shocking that YOU watch that show. ALSO! I am not that old! ALSO! The Bachelor is MY show more than YOUR show. Oh. My. Goodness. Guys, I was fuming! She proceeded to insult my pop-culture intelligence by asking if I listened to Beyonce + knew the member of One Direction. HONEY! CHILD! I have like, three things going for me + a wide knowledge of all things pop-culture is one of them. I WAS SO INSULTED.

THE YOUTH!
Also! A kid in the class was named Chandler + I asked if his parents watched Friends + he had never even heard of it.
I wanted to just throw out the lesson plan + turn it into a School of Rock type lesson because HOW HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF FRIENDS?

And if you are wondering, I have seen School of Rock upwards of 3,409 times. We used to have like, five movies at our lake shack + two of were copies of School of Rock. CELLO! You have a bass!

Avery + I went to Yogurtland last night + our near identical concoctions weighed the EXACT same.

The cashier pointed it out + we were oddly excited. TWINS.

2. WHAT DO I WATCH : I feel lost without Friends playing constantly in the background. What do I watch, people? Gilmore Girls? More Dance Moms? Help.

3. WHAT DO I EAT + DO : I always need to be moving. Except for when I'm binge-watching something/if Real Housewives of Anywhere is on, in that case, I'm good. I blame my hyper-activity on undiagnosed ADHD + too much caffeine. Maybe. I just get bored so quickly staying in the same place + always want to GO, GO, GO! 
Anyways, last night around midnight I started booking hotels + planning trips for spring.
The line-up includes short trips to Vegas + St. George with a trip to Idaho, Arizona, California, + GEORGIA in the mix.  I should not be trusted during the wee hours of the morning. Officially. BUT! I am so excited!
I need help, though. Where are some good places to eat in St. George, Arizona, +/or Vegas?
Also how do I dress for humidity?
Also how do I watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills online?

HELP ME!

4. LADY GAGA AT THE OSCARS : I LOVE THE SOUND OF MUSIC! In my dreams, I am Liesl Von Trapp + I only communicate through telegrams. Stop. Ha. She's the original mega-babe. But LADY GAGA. I was so happy! She looked so normal + wasn't in a giant egg + sounded SO GOOD.

5. MY BUDDIES GOT ENGAGED : My brother-in-law Kevin is ENGAGED to my friend Kenna + I am still so happy about it. The end. Also they're getting married in Tennessee + I keep talking about it to everyone. It's fine.

6. LEMONADE HURTS COMING THROUGH THE NOSTRILS : I was sipping a Chick Fil A sugar-free lemonade while perusing Cotton On WHILE talking to my sister. Multi-tasking. She was recounting a funny story from this summer involving in which I got TAKEN OUT by a skim boarder (hahahahah) + I was laughing so hard that I started gasping for air + lemonade was getting everywhere. Sorry Cotton On.

7. SALMON + HONEY + CHILI POWDER/CHIPOTLE + FRIED BANANAS : Yum. Made it tonight. Yum.

...the end. But also I just popped on Gilmore Girls out of curiosity + I think I found the answer to number two. I'm ultra excited that the harp player in the pilot is the teacher from The Lizzie McGuire Movie...also I'm just now realizing what a terribly lazy movie title that was.
Almost as cringe-worthy as 'Simply Us.'
And now we're back.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...

I forget to wash the deep conditioning oil treatment out of my hair before shooting an engagement/proposal session. HA! It was horrendous looking.

I'm an hour and a half late to work + try to use wit and charm to make the situation better. Unsuccessfully. Also, a word to the wise : when you are running late to work, don't come in with a fresh fountain drink. It doesn't help the whole I was driving as fast as I could! argument.

I bump into people I know + love at Target (HI JESS!) + interrupt their shopping for 45 minutes by making them tell me everything I am good at + what I should do with my life...because WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

I browse homes online in all the places Jeff says he might want to live and work for hours at a time.

I plan to go on a run all day + then trip down my stairs as I am walking outside + say "SCA-REW THIS!" + walk back inside. Woops.

I play therapist to a herd of seventh graders. Guys, I am not kidding. I was running + a bunch of kids started running alongside me as a joke/dare. It was funny for the first ten minutes and then THREE MILES later I was like, wow. Commitment.

I just want to talk about The Bachelor + nail polish + Miley Cyrus + that's it. But I have to pretend to be a person of depth. Hrmph.

I decide I want a dog! A DOG! and send my landlord a five page letter about how grateful I am that he is letting us live here and what a great experience it has been and how a dog would really be a stepping stone into parenting for me + my husband and how is your mom? and yadda yadda yadda only to get a reply ONE MINUTE LATER that says, I kid you not, "No dogs." + that's it.
Oh.
Okay.

I drive through my soda dealer + they ask if I'd like my usual.

I crack my phone to the point of no return + don't realize it till eight hours later. WAIT! MY PHONE! CRACKED ALL DAY!

T H E E N D .

TODAY I...

|| Shot a wedding + arrived frighteningly early.

|| Walked into a gas station to find a boy eating assumedly stale Christmas peeps

while crying into a walkie talkie + thought : Hmmm. Been there.

(also Pink's song Try was playing in the background)

|| Drank so much soda. SO MUCH. 

|| Took this super emo self portrait. It was cloudy. Don't blame me.

|| Laughed out loudly watching Friends. Season 8, I love you.

|| Bumped into like, everyone from my freshman year of college + 

instantly regretted my sweat-inducing turtleneck. 

|| Made a Lizzie McGuire reference that didn't land. 

|| Probably racked up the water bill to $4,382. Three baths is always a good idea(?).

|| Patiently waited behind a man attempting to buy cigarettes by 

unsuccessfully pointing. Left, left, down, left, right.

AND that, my friends, was my Friday.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
(well, sort of. My wedding tomorrow is at the same place...eery?)

CAN'T STOP/WON'T STOP ...a glimpse into my mind. DEEP.

(how horrifying is Jeff in this?)

Watching Seinfeld 

Complaining how sore I am due to this tortuous workout

Cringing from The Bachelor (go Kaitlyn!)

Drinking my new obsession, Crio Bru

High-fiving myself for trying to save money

(operative word : trying)

Over-texting Jeff all the details of my day

Oil cleansing 

Craving In n' Out 

(double meat, mustard-fried, protein style, grilled onions THANK YOU)

Listening to This American Life + Ted Radio

Eating frozen dates + pink lady apples

Writing mindless posts

Marriage vows. In my head.

Today I mentally updated the marriage-vows-in-my-head to say, 

"I promise to never drag you to a Zumba class against your will."

(but I will force you to watch every season of the Bachelor with me)

(and post gushy things all over the Internet)

That's all.

THE GOOD-GOODS || A happy list.

- - - - -

I remember my freshman year I stopped in the middle of campus to take a picture of the snow-capped mountains

+ a boy called me a zoobie. Ummm, whatever dude. The mountains are pretty and I am going to keep taking pictures

to my heart's desire. This one is for YOU!

Clearly I have moved on from it.

Also I just listened to This American Life podcast about how you never really move on from anything. Your feelings just

lie there dormant but perfectly in tact until POOF! You remember! Hey! I really don't like that kid who called me a zoobie! 

Fascinating, no? 

I digress.
On to a HAPPY LIST! (scroll, scroll, scroll...)

Dec. 29th - Jan. 5th HAPPY LIST : 

* literally running into my funniest friends, Jack + Jordan, + catching up 

with them at my kitchen counter just like old times. You bet I peed my pants laughing.

* failed gym attempt turned sauna session turned awkward interaction with Nikki.

* NEW YEARS! I love the fresh start. Also we celebrated by going to WalMart to look for crafts (ha!) + 

watching the ball drop begrudingly. I know this is a happy list,

 but like, why do I have to stay up if I don't want to? I AM TIRED, FERGIE! Also why was Fergie sing-talking everything?! 

* (on second thought) Fergie sing-talking everything on New Year's Eve. Woof.

* starting a friendship in Relief Society almost entirely based on The Bachelor.

 What better indication is there of true friends than a mutual love for trashy reality television + Prince Farming?

* I know I am late in the game, but the This American Life podcast. SO good. I feel so cultured and hip.

* Breakfast with my Kylie friend. 

* Coming back to a clean house. Is there anything better?

* Soft-serve + gyros with Paige. 

* City league basketball! Though we kind of, totally stink. Ha. This is the

hard truth. But the entertainment factor is always a perfect ten.

FALALALA! 

pits + peaks //

PITS : seeing Jeff for maybe 15 minutes every morning in passing. Today he said we had to hug for twenty whole seconds because we actually never see each other. We lasted 12 before one of us...well, tooted. Ha. // not sleeping...I might need to cut back on the caffeine. // Forgetting my lunch forever and always. // Watching lame shows that no one else watches so I can't discuss them ad nauseam (90 Day Fiance? Anybody?) // Breaking out because of my new Clarisonic (apparently that's a sign it's working? Maybe? Internet, don't fail me). // Having a mountainous pile of laundry to sort through. I am overwhelmed! // Uncomfortable shoes on concrete floor all. day. long.

PEAKS : my birthday! I was feelin' the love. // My dad's cute email yesterday. // Bacon + eggs for breakfast three days in a row, hoorah! // Having a new go-to drink at Sodalicious // sweet Kenna packing us snacks on our trek back from St. George // A long lunch with Rose // visits from Avery // the next Bridget Jones Diary // Key + Peele on Hulu. Ha! // watching all of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee // 'fancy' sweatpants that are work appropriate // spying on my friends on Spotify // holiday music (particularly Beyonce's Christmas tunes which we play at work) // ripe pears // talks with my mom + sister on my commute // the beautiful (yet confusing) weather we have been having (why is it so warm? Is the world ending?) // city league basketball in American Fork with my cousins

THINGS I LOVE //

// my sweet in-laws buying a case of Diet Coke just for me

(little thoughtful surprises = my love language) 

// Flame Broiler. Double the veggies, half the rice, a pinch more meat,

+ two things of magic sauce. Mmmm, child.

// Temple dates.

// selfies by Jeff.

// Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 

(Kyle is my TV BFF)

// THANKSGIVING TOMORROW! 

MONDAY : pits // peaks

the peaks //

|| sleeping in until 9:45 (woops)

|| jamming to 'FLAWLESS' my whole drive to Murray

|| lunch with my cousin Sean at Cubby's (steak salad and cousin time make for a good day)

|| frozen dates (the food, le doi)

|| catching up on SNL + 90 Day Fiance

|| fresh painted nails (heyo!)

|| Chelsea Peretti's standup comedy

|| signing Jeff up for a gym pass(!!!) + forcing him to be my gym partner. He's cute.

|| dinner with pals for Lily's birthday (HBD!)

|| a new container of almond butter (from the bulk section at Winco, nothing better)

|| Sodalicious + Sydney Walton 

|| girl time with Al + Syd 

the pits // 

|| nearly crying in an 'Insanity' class because it was INSANE

|| driving to three different Microsoft stores to find a charger with no avail (BOO!)

|| adult acne (I'm 97% sure I'm going through adult puberty? Is this a thing? Dear Face : WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!)

|| the mountainous piles of laundry covering the bedroom floor. I think they are mocking me.

|| deciding at the beginning of the day to write your Tuesday 'to-do' list because getting stuff done just ain't gonna happen

|| rotten grapes. Yelk.

|| the freezing walk from my house to my car (I'm debating becoming a hermit but who would make my fountain drink runs? Still figuring out the logistics)

LOVE list on a Thursday //

SNOW // All of the holiday decorations up at department stores // Jeff naming his fantasy football team after a 'Music Man' song. It balances out, right? Go team Shipoopi! // Getting my apartment *mostly* together. It looks like less of a hospital room now + that is a feat // Watching all of Marry Me on Hulu. Guys, I am hooked. // Tarte's Maracuja oil. Heaven for my dry Utah face. // Diet Coke with pomegranate + fresh lime, per recommendation of The Alison Show('s Instagram. Let's be real here) // packages from my mama in the mail. Nothing better //  This quote I read today :

"To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring."  - George Santayana

// being justifiably gluttonous and lazy because, hi. Below freezing weather // the kids I subbed today guessing that I was 16 (also it should be noted that three guessed I was 45) // Costco grapes + gluten free bread (the BEST. In the normal bread section. So good.) + guac // rewatching Portlandia for the second time this year. Thank you, Netflix. Thank you, free time. // To-Do lists that are DONE (for once) // Forgetting my gym pass yesterday + getting turned away at the front desk. I almost kissed the receptionist for forcing me to not workout. BLESS YOU. // Long talks with high-school friends // Bacon. Always bacon. // the winter line of candles at Bath + Body works. My whole house smells like a pine tree. And burnt eggs, but let's not dwell on that. // Obsessively gift-searching for my family. // Beet hummus + Mary's Gone crackers // NOVEMBER // Happy, happy JOY JOY!

Ha. The picture in the right corner is when we were trying to figure out the self-timer. Fail Confusion. Jeff chill as ever. 'bout sums us up. //

p.s. speaking of Portlandia, this sketch. Woof. For some odd reason, Jeff + I love it. Two summers ago, we endlessly quoted it. So good. A-O RIVER!

a letter to myself in the 7th grade pt. I || DRY SHAMPOO + SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE

Dear 7th Grade Brooke,

You will go through a time where you think dry shampoo equates to the end of showering forever. This is not true. Though Seventeen Magazine boasts that washing your hair everyday will leave your hair dull and lifeless, you have a unique type of hair texture that greases up like a Kentucky Fried Chicken at the very thought of skipping a wash. Puberty. Hormones. Buzz words. To put it in mathematical terms : the more showers you skip, the more dull and lifeless your social life will be. Which is like, super important in 7th grade. And yes, those were not mathematical terms. Clearly, Brooke of the Future hasn't improved at math or metaphors. Also your metabolism slows substantially. You are welcome. The future is bright.
On that note, stop reading Seventeen Magazine. Most of their boy advice is junk and everything else you can learn in the Bible for Pre-Teens a.k.a. The Care and Keeping of You by American Girl. Also, yes, you will eventually recover from the scarring images of the cartoon girl putting in a tampon.
Lastly and most importantly, you are doing great and you are going to be fine. 
Keep on keeping on, soul sister.
Lovingly,
Brooke of the Future.

p.s. Wear those cotton trainer bras as long as possible. They totally rule + real bras aren't that comfy.

p.p.s. Yes, you are wearing the same shirt as Emma Roberts in Unfabulous and yes, that is something to brag about.

The Great Soda Challenge || A Diet Coke-off

- - - - - - 

Once upon a time, I decided to give up Diet Coke. Officially.
I held out for two months and convinced myself that I didn't miss it or need it in my life. I specifically remember phone calls to my mother where I talked about my newfound energy and how the thought of forty four ounces of soda made me want to throw up.

What a load of junk. 
Much like watching Mad Men and working in retail and Zumba, as much as I wanted to like it, I couldn't fake it for long. I mean, c'mon. Diet Coke is my one vice (...next to reality television,
celebrity gossip, and buying oversized clothing).

SO! In the words of Caroline Manzo from Real Housewives of New Jersey (Caroline, where are you?!), I'm taking this next level and "being the best." I'm pretty sure I misquoted her there and I'm pretty sure ten million people have said that same sentiment but hey, next level! Caroline Manzo! New Jersey!
(...in case you are of the socially superb, I'm referring to the episode where her daughter is talking about wanting to go to beauty school...)

I am pretty particular with my Diet Coke; it must be from a fountain (a can if I'm in a real pinch) and the ice must be pebbled + not too watery + the cup can't be flimsy and should preferably be a thick styrofoam. A vanilla + a slice of lemon if you have it, coconut if I'm feeling adventurous, and almond joy creamer if I'm feeling chubby.

This is all a long way of saying, yo. I ranked the fountain drinks in Utah because I take myself way too seriously + am a ridiculous human + love me a stiff drink on the rocks.

Sonic : 4.5
The analysis : Is there anything better than a Sonic Diet Coke with vanilla and lemon during happy hour? I think not. Pebbled ice, styrofoam cup, fresh lemons, and the opportunity to see pre-teens fumble with 44 ounces on ROLLERSKATES?! 

Hires Big H : 5.0(!!!!!)
The analysis : Holy sweet mother of fountain drinks, Hires Big H. They have this ice that's a hybrid between pebbled ice + shaved ice and I want to take a bath in it (actually no, no I don't. That sounds cold). They have 'Tropical Diet Coke' which is essentially dirty Diet Coke (coconut + lime) but with more lime and less coconut and it sort of tastes like pineapple? Don't overthink it and get yourself a large.

McDonalds : 3.0
McDonalds in a sweet tea cup (styrofoam) : 3.3
McDonalds Diet Dr. Pepper in a sweet tea cup : 3.5
The analysis : McDonalds' is like a vanilla bean ice cream cone. There's really nothing spectacular about it but you know what you are going to get. Fizzy Diet Coke. On melty ice. Plus it's a dollar and there's a drive through window.

Will's Pit Stop : 3.5
The analysis : I used to be ultra-enthusiastic about Will's; I even raved about their flizz-to-flavor ration on Yelp. While their ice isn't spectacular + their cups are kind of flimsy, they deliver.

Maverik//7/Eleven//Flying J : 1.1
The anaysis : Flat as a fifth grader.
                       Hey, that was funny! Praying people have scrolled this far.

Sodalicious : 4.6
The analysis : If we are being perfectly honest, they could hand me carbonated milk and I'd be happy. They have the nicest employees who will remember your name and ask you about your love life. Ain't nothing better than Anna K. and a Dirty Diet Coke.

Swig : 2.3
The analysis : I want to like Swig, I do! But I just don't. Two points for yummy concoctions + styrofoam cups + .3 because it's Wednesday.

Crest : 3.7
The analysis : Let it be known, the Crest nearest me doesn't carry Diet Coke but does carry Diet Dr. Pepper...which is weird. But! Their Diet Dr. Pepper is so good + they have a drive through and coconut flavoring. It's really all about the drive through. Ain't nobody need to see me barefoot and braless.

Guzzles : 1.2
The analysis : This is right across from Target. It serves Diet Coke. That's about the only plus? Oooof, I'm a cruel Diet Coke reviewer.

Fabulous Freddy's : 4.7
The analysis : People. Of. The. World. Fab Freddy's. They have a drive through, flavored drinks, and a reward program so that you get points for gas and other purchases that you can use in the store and on drinks...  that are already like, 75 cents. I stop here during my Nordstrom Rack runs and it is a match made in heaven.

Honorable mentions : 
Chick Fil A (their lemonade rocks + I always get a Diet Dr. Pepper. Styrofoam cup(!!!).
Carls Junior (overpriced, but always fizzy!)
Holladay Oil (buy a cup for $10 and get fifty cent refills all summer long. Plus drink flavorings!)

...now I need a Diet Coke.

Currently...

I'm sitting in a hotel room with an inexplicable Persian influence. I'm fairly certain they wash their sheets with curry powder, but I can't be sure. On the bright side, it's kiddy corner from a McDonalds + there's cable (with Bravo!) + a bathtub. I rank a Level 0.5 on the Hotel Snobbery Scale. But I am quite bored -- I am watching the premier of Ladies of London for the third time this week and over-thinking my eyebrow shape. So, let's take some stock...

BUT FIRST : I am the queen of the salad. I really am. I have no talent in the kitchen but give me a salad bowl and some vegetables, and poof! I am in my element. I made this steak salad for Jeff and I on Sunday and it was heavenly.

- - - - - - -

I've seen this post popping around the Internet. Indulge me. Also, unrelated, but is the guy from The Singles Ward movie in the new Wendy's commercial? Get that man a Hollywood star!

And now...
Currently :

Making : a giant mess of my hotel room. I take full advantage of having two beds and sprawl all the contents of my suitcase all over the place whilst exfoliating with the complimentary coffee grounds (try it!).
Cooking : nothin'. Debating walking to the store for some Honeycrisp apples + pistachios.
Drinking : Dirty Diet Coke, duh.
Reading : 'Wedding Night' by Sophie Kinsella. It was nine dollars at Costco and is a romantic comedy in book form...and, once again, it was nine dollars at Costco. It's one of those books I feel slightly self-conscious reading on a plane.
Wanting : longer hair. I think?
Looking : forward to July when my sister comes to visit me. Falalaaaaa!
Playing : a game called, 'How long can I not work out for?'
Wasting : money. Whenever I am apart from Jeff, I tend to indulge in a little/lot of retail therapy.
Sewing : ha. I actually laughed out loud.
Wishing : I enjoyed running. I talked to a girl today who is running an Ultra-marathon this next weekend because it's just 'an addiction.' WHAT!
Enjoying : this weather.
Liking : the idea of a tropical vacation.
Wondering : if Beyonce and Jay-Z are still together? What the, Solange?
Loving : Red Mango's peanut butter frozen yogurt. Yum.
Hoping : no one saw me walk braless into the grocery store twice today. Unhooked my bra a bit too early.
Marveling : at how sexy Sonja is looking on Real Housewives of New York. Also when did their intros get so bad?! "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm ready!" "Sometimes Sonja has to go commando, what can I say?" No. Stop.
Smelling : curry powder + Coach's Poppy (I just got it in rollerball perfume. Thank you, ULTA. You are my happy place.)
Wearing : a black tee shirt from Old Navy and black sweat pants...from Old Navy.
Following : too many people I don't actually know on Instagram.
Noticing : how much my feet hurt. Holy crap.
Opening : up some microwavable brussel sprouts. It's time.
Feeling : more bored than I was before I started this. Like, significant amounts.

THRILLING.

Also, an update : Microwaved brussel sprouts smell like toots.

the secret life of the american teenager...or thursday before lunch.

:: between lifting stuff up + putting it back down at the gym yesterday (isn't the gym such a silly place? just heavy objects to lift...and put back down...and lift again! oh, bother), i showed morgan the stream of self-indulgent pictures i took yesterday afternoon in preparation for brooke vs. the d.m.v. of utah round two. were my cheeks highlighted enough? my eyebrows filled in okay? you know, standard precautions.
morgan then told me that i should post this stream of selfies...but only on my blog, because blogs are slightly less self-indulgent than other forms of social media while still being completely self-indulgent. it's wonderful. she's a smart one, that morgan.

just being carmen san diego. you're welcome. p.s. my shirt is now on sale for $12.00 + is so comf. run! 

:: i'm debating chopping my hair off. not that i have much to chop off anyways. i have had 'make an appointment at salon' on my to-do list since last week. mind you, 'watch third episode of the bachelor' (andi so wins) + 'apply self tanner' has been on there, too. very important things to remember! hashtag the secret life of the american teenager.

:: speaking of the bachelor, i'm mildly sad that lucy the free spirit was eliminated. she was so nice! and her fascination with showing her chesticles? fascinating. but, i super like renee the bartender of the world (wouldn't she make a great one? she's so understanding), chelsie the girl who wouldn't jump and stretches metaphors (...just jump off the damn bridge, wouldya?), and, of course, andi the lawyer -- homegirl packed a one piece, has a sexified voice, and is most probably sippin' on diet coke at the pool party + during the group date? props. crossing my fingers dog lover will not get eliminated because she is a meddling hoot. 

:: if you follow me on twitter, where all good blog posts go to die, you might have read that i met chris powell from extreme weight loss on my plane from phoenix to salt lake city. i positively love that show + watched it religiously over christmas break while puking out the contents of my stomach. something about his voice soothes an upset stomach? i dunno. anyways, i thought i recognized him + began to stare. did i know him? was he from moscow? were we best friends in the past? finally, he muttered a 'hello, how you doing?' which confirmed that i had been intensely staring at him for uncomfortably long.
oops.
i began to gush about how much i loved his show + how i have watched every episode as he took his seat behind me. then i continued watching vanderpump rules + lost all credibility.
also, to add : him + his wife bee-lined it to wetzel's pretzel's after they got off the plane. props, chris powell, props.

:: finally, finally i set up my voicemail. along with best buy + movies longer than ninety minutes, voicemails give me anxiety. eek. side note : did any one ever see the straight-to-dvd movie, one missed call? it's about voicemails which proves that other people must find them horrifying, too.
anyways, amongst a few calls from my old work + the chiropractor i found on groupon (...the hour long massage involved lots of mouth breathing + deep pokes, yowza), there was a voicemail from my brother-in-law who is now on a mission wishing me a happy two years. oh, the drams! it was precious.
...wasn't there a friends episode about this?



the end.

a bit late, but still thankful.

i'm sitting here braless typing this. unemployed...and totally, totally braless. perhaps it's the freedom my two best girlfriends are experiencing or perhaps it's the intoxicating scent of the bath + body works fresh balsam candle that i got free by pressuring my mom into a 'v.i.p. bag' on black friday, but i feel overwhelmingly grateful for my life.

as i ranted and spilled about previously, october was the pits. i felt sluggish + sad + was averaging about 135 oz. of diet dr. pepper a day. my days consisted of caffeine shakes + cleaning out dressing rooms...a miserable combination. ha. but november! november was my may. i felt like the rain stopped and fa la laaaaa! all was right again.
all the things in my life that were right seemed to show off in november. it was as if they were all wearing big sparkly, red dresses and parading through my life. does this make sense?! ('my life' tally = 4,329) it makes sense.

for example! i am so, so grateful for my jeffrey. i never in my life felt like i was incomplete. as i've said a million times over, brooke likes brooke. i just do! i like my own company + really didn't see any room for anyone else. but hi! in comes jeffrey! he is the most supportive person + keeps life fun. i feel feel whole. is that so lame? that's so lame. but it's so, so true.

and i'm so, so grateful for my family (and i'm talking about aaaaaaall of them ... brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, in-laws, etc. ). i scored. i feel like i have the best pit crew (and this is where i apologize to my family for calling them 'the pit crew' and//or making any nascar reference in the same sentence as them). they are always there to dust me off + get me going. every time i see them i feel reenergized + ready to ...drive around the track 500 times (i committed to a nascar reference and now i am riding it out!).

i'm grateful for my 'job.' i feel so lame for calling it a 'job.' i'm i destined to be a lowly MWAC (mother with a camera)? please no. but yes! i am so, so grateful for being able to do what i love every week + for getting paid for it. like, what is this?!

i'm also grateful for food. and for my apartment. and for provo-town! it gets such a bad wrap but i will never be able to happily leave my sodalicious + subzero behind. i'm grateful for crossfit + for yoga + for my body. i'm grateful for my faith and how it grounds me because heaven knows i can get carried away.

oh! and i'm grateful for my friends. all of 'em. whether i see them every day or every other year, they all rock. i truly (getting corny here) cherish the friendships i have made over the years + love that they are so low maintenance yet so meaningful (shuddering -- 'cherish' and 'meaningful' in the same sentence?! let's blame the scented candles surrounding me). and, while i'm here, i'm grateful for spell check because apparently i have no idea how to spell 'maintenance?'

i'm grateful for school. ha. just kidding.

november, november, i love you.

an uneventful saturday pretending to be eventful through bullet points.

- - - - - - - - - 

days that start with cancelled plans are sort of glamorous. we had our alarms set + car filled with gas for an adventure to logan to hang with jennie + company, but the weather had an agenda + foiled any dream involving a sunny day spent outside up north. by nine thirty, we were scratching our heads + asking what the heck should we do with our day?!

it was mostly uneventful. i took two naps + spent most of the day in leggings. but this is a blog about spontaneity + pizzazz + look how fun we are. i want our kids digging through the archives of this space on the internet + seeing that their now-balding parents never wasted a saturday. never! so, by the use of bullet points, here is our mostly uneventful saturday pretending to be eventful through the crafty use of bullet points. ha!

the camera loves me!

yesterday : 

• went to the morning yoga class. flung myself against a wall attempting to do a headstand. stifled my giggles for the rest of class.
• arrived at costco before the samples were set up. walked the frozen aisles with my stomach grumbling. also, let it be noted, jeff wrapped up half of his chicken bake because my at-home cooking is that impressive. 
• sat in melissa's kitchen + spewed out unsolicited marriage advice. as one does. 
• broke my sugar fast with my morgan-friend + ate some apple pie + ice cream. instant headache! instant sugar anger! it was all very monumental.
• scouted out locations for that photo side of my life. mostly just drove aimlessly around spanish fork looking for a suitable bathroom. 
• sat on morgan's couch with her + jen and talked about jen's newly married life + morgan's date this tuesday that i am so excited about that i am posting it on social media. ha! 
• went to a pie-a-betes party for my token diabetic friend, callie (click that link! read her blog! it's so funny!). games included 'diabetic celebrities', 'sculpt callie's favorite things', and 'diabetic fact or crap.' remarkably, i didn't eat the pie there. also, i almost kicked jeff off of our team for pictionary because he chose to draw his picture in neon yellow so no one could see it. what?! what?!
• applied to be a cashier at winco + told jeff to double-cross his fingers + pray that i get the job. 
• ...started worrying about the future of my life if i am asking someone to pray that i get a job as a cashier at a grocery store (...but ever since win a date with tad hamilton, i've kind of fantasized of scanning people's bulk cereal + milk. cross your fingers for me!!).
• took full advantage of our free month subscription to amazon prime + watched all season two of workaholics. not that i condone that show. ;)

aren't we fun?! we are fun. 

- - - - - - - -

little thank you's.

 something i've been working on as of three seconds ago is being more grateful for what i have right now. in class today, our teacher posed the question : what if i told you that you already had all the tools that you needed to be completely happy + joyful? how would that change things?

during the end of my high school experience, i was over it. i remember my weight training teacher (ha! ask me if i ever lifted a weight? no. i did, however, master the art of the four-legged race with my ryan-friend + became sort of, kind of better at ddr maxx) asking me what the best part about my year was going to be. looking back, was he trying to reach out to me? was i one of those visibly troubled youth? was i the jesse to his walter white?! i looked at him + said : leaving moscow ... indefinitely.

sassy. also! let it be noted! i was riding a stationary bike at the time + trying to see around his head to watch the ellen show. this is when she was on at eleven a.m., of course.

in my head, i wasn't going to be fully happy until i got out of northern idaho. which is one part teen angst but most parts totally silly. why wasn't i relishing in the fact that my mom did my laundry, made my dinners, + (don't judge me)  curled my hair?! why wasn't i squealing with delight when i checked my calendar + saw that, yep, i had no obligations. why wasn't i loving on my girlish figure that is long gone since meeting the byu cafeteria? why was i setting these parameters on my happiness level?! 

let's just blame it on being seventeen?

so, here's my concerted effort to be grateful for what's around me (...except for the ants that have been crawling around my desk + laptop as of late...why is this?!) right now. sure, i can look forward to what's to come (babies! a *hopefully* real income! an actual use for my birthing hips!) but...

where am i going with this? 

awww, yes. here are my little 'thank you's' for the week. because i'm working on being more grateful, ya know? 

:: thank you mother earth for this cool weather. once school starts, i want to shut the heat off. give me the cold. i don't need heat-sweats atop my stress-sweats.

:: a big, fat thank you to russ the yoga instructor tonight for quietly asking me + my lily-friend if we are ready to begin now? instead of slapping us upside the head for being loud + disruptive. also thank you for the class + for making my bum drip with sweat. that's never happened before. 

:: oh! sweet jeff! thank you for your unwavering patience + hard work. that boy was in the computer lab (neeeeerd) for hours working on a program that moved files? or something? you know, i really don't get this whole computer science jazz but i support it with mcdonald's salads + back scratches. also thank you for having the same humor as me and nearly losing your marbles over 30 rock right now. you're my person.

:: thank you a hundred + ten times over, employee at rumbi's, for quickly delivering my rice bowl to me. i was in a whole new state of hanger (side note : i was at best buy for nearly five hours today! five hours! on the bright side, i came out with a fancy new sprint sliding phone that can receive texts + calls and...slide! minimalism. i'm all about it.) + was actually near tears. 

:: thank you mommy dear, for being the one person i can brag to about anything + everything including keeping up on the dishes + other things of low importance. i love that mommy dear. 

:: thank you crazy lady at best buy for raising your voices at the employees + saying exactly what i wanted to say. also, thank you for allowing me to play the role of 'kind + patient customer who rolls her eyes at crazy ladies.' i liked that role. also sorry for the eye roll, i was in character...you get me. 

:: thank you amazon prime for having the real housewives of orange county : secrets revealed episode. i was dying. also for having tosh.0 season four for free. ...not that i like junky television, or anything?

:: thank you, giant zit under my nose, for grounding + humbling me. i was having three good hair days in a row. you know what good hair days do to my self esteem. i needed you.

:: thank you for this cute + cozy apartment that is slowly coming together (read : actually receives the aesthetic attention it deserves when my mother comes to visit -- she has a thing for hanging pictures + reorganizing?) + for our sweet neighbors right above us with the cutest kids who remind me that yes, kids are adorable but yes, they are loud + disrupt normal sleeping patterns. but the pitter patter of their foot steps make me saaaaah-woon! (am i a creepy neighbor? i'm a creepy neighbor.)

:: thank you local grocery store for your oversized ... and slightly overpriced ... pink lady apples. they are the size of my head which kind of makes my head feel petite for the first time in twenty years? double thank you.

thank you, thank you, thank you.