The Great Soda Challenge || A Diet Coke-off

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

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Once upon a time, I decided to give up Diet Coke. Officially.
I held out for two months and convinced myself that I didn't miss it or need it in my life. I specifically remember phone calls to my mother where I talked about my newfound energy and how the thought of forty four ounces of soda made me want to throw up.

What a load of junk. 
Much like watching Mad Men and working in retail and Zumba, as much as I wanted to like it, I couldn't fake it for long. I mean, c'mon. Diet Coke is my one vice (...next to reality television,
celebrity gossip, and buying oversized clothing).

SO! In the words of Caroline Manzo from Real Housewives of New Jersey (Caroline, where are you?!), I'm taking this next level and "being the best." I'm pretty sure I misquoted her there and I'm pretty sure ten million people have said that same sentiment but hey, next level! Caroline Manzo! New Jersey!
(...in case you are of the socially superb, I'm referring to the episode where her daughter is talking about wanting to go to beauty school...)

I am pretty particular with my Diet Coke; it must be from a fountain (a can if I'm in a real pinch) and the ice must be pebbled + not too watery + the cup can't be flimsy and should preferably be a thick styrofoam. A vanilla + a slice of lemon if you have it, coconut if I'm feeling adventurous, and almond joy creamer if I'm feeling chubby.

This is all a long way of saying, yo. I ranked the fountain drinks in Utah because I take myself way too seriously + am a ridiculous human + love me a stiff drink on the rocks.



Sonic : 4.5
The analysis : Is there anything better than a Sonic Diet Coke with vanilla and lemon during happy hour? I think not. Pebbled ice, styrofoam cup, fresh lemons, and the opportunity to see pre-teens fumble with 44 ounces on ROLLERSKATES?! 

Hires Big H : 5.0(!!!!!)
The analysis : Holy sweet mother of fountain drinks, Hires Big H. They have this ice that's a hybrid between pebbled ice + shaved ice and I want to take a bath in it (actually no, no I don't. That sounds cold). They have 'Tropical Diet Coke' which is essentially dirty Diet Coke (coconut + lime) but with more lime and less coconut and it sort of tastes like pineapple? Don't overthink it and get yourself a large.

McDonalds : 3.0
McDonalds in a sweet tea cup (styrofoam) : 3.3
McDonalds Diet Dr. Pepper in a sweet tea cup : 3.5
The analysis : McDonalds' is like a vanilla bean ice cream cone. There's really nothing spectacular about it but you know what you are going to get. Fizzy Diet Coke. On melty ice. Plus it's a dollar and there's a drive through window.

Will's Pit Stop : 3.5
The analysis : I used to be ultra-enthusiastic about Will's; I even raved about their flizz-to-flavor ration on Yelp. While their ice isn't spectacular + their cups are kind of flimsy, they deliver.

Maverik//7/Eleven//Flying J : 1.1
The anaysis : Flat as a fifth grader.
                       Hey, that was funny! Praying people have scrolled this far.

Sodalicious : 4.6
The analysis : If we are being perfectly honest, they could hand me carbonated milk and I'd be happy. They have the nicest employees who will remember your name and ask you about your love life. Ain't nothing better than Anna K. and a Dirty Diet Coke.

Swig : 2.3
The analysis : I want to like Swig, I do! But I just don't. Two points for yummy concoctions + styrofoam cups + .3 because it's Wednesday.

Crest : 3.7
The analysis : Let it be known, the Crest nearest me doesn't carry Diet Coke but does carry Diet Dr. Pepper...which is weird. But! Their Diet Dr. Pepper is so good + they have a drive through and coconut flavoring. It's really all about the drive through. Ain't nobody need to see me barefoot and braless.

Guzzles : 1.2
The analysis : This is right across from Target. It serves Diet Coke. That's about the only plus? Oooof, I'm a cruel Diet Coke reviewer.

Fabulous Freddy's : 4.7
The analysis : People. Of. The. World. Fab Freddy's. They have a drive through, flavored drinks, and a reward program so that you get points for gas and other purchases that you can use in the store and on drinks...  that are already like, 75 cents. I stop here during my Nordstrom Rack runs and it is a match made in heaven.

Honorable mentions : 
Chick Fil A (their lemonade rocks + I always get a Diet Dr. Pepper. Styrofoam cup(!!!).
Carls Junior (overpriced, but always fizzy!)
Holladay Oil (buy a cup for $10 and get fifty cent refills all summer long. Plus drink flavorings!)

...now I need a Diet Coke.












2 comments:

  1. Even though I don't drink diet coke tons I still find this useful. Maybe it is because I will feel cool telling people the best place they can get their diet coke? I have two guys in my accounting classes that show up--without fail--every morning with a diet coke from Carls Junior. They claim it is the best.

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