HI GUYS. It's me, Brooke.

I'm B A C K. In Utah + on blogland. Oof, does it feel good.
California this summer was a big old break from adulthood + real life. We lived with the in-laws (...if you guys are reading this, sorry for eating all the almond clusters all the time. Also Dan, I still have your FitBit...) + I spent most my days by the pool and at the beach. I had ambitions! Oh, did I! I bought Groupons for two separate yoga studios and drew up plans to revamp my life. Or whatever.

And now it's the end of the summer + my Groupons are expiring and mostly unused besides the one hot yoga class where I was so tired that I let a grown man's sweat drip into my mouth as I resigned in shavasanowaydopeopleenjoythis(!!!!). Run on sentence, complete. Woof. Mostly I just ate a lot of s'mores with my sister + caught up on Real Housewives of Everywhere + Anywhere.

BUT I AM BACK.
In Utah.
Sitting in my electric purple muu muu (...that Jeff failed to hide from me...) watching reruns of Sister Wives while Pinterest-ing french braids + eating almond butter out of the jar.
Who watches reruns of any TLC show, you ask?
PEOPLE WHO ARE REVAMPING THEIR LIFE.


And how cute is our red door?

HI FRIENDS!

a little of what i've been up to...and i happy sunday, because, duh.

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sorry for the absence, 
but i'm excited to announce something exciting...

baby stapleton coming june 2017! ha. gotcha. i'm only kidding people. last time i did a pregnancy hoax, i had a bearded friend of my jeffrey touching my stomach ten months later. nope sir, that is just a steady diet of tortilla chips + peanut butter you are feeling...

but i have been up to...things! like turning twenty one, for instance. my twenty first was what dreams were made of, people! i had dinner with my friends + a rumbi bowl with my jeffrey (and his brother in tow, hi shane!) + wandered target with a large soda in my hand for no good reason at all. dreams! also jeff woke me up with ninety eight balloons piled on top of me. have i ever told you balloons give me the heebies? just one of the many things me and oprah have in common...

i also got a new job. you might be wondering if i get a new job every two weeks to which i answer yes, my resume is actually a fold out pamphlet at this point but like, isn't that what part time jobs are all about?! any hoots, i'm a substitute. and i'm the 95% certain i am worst. i just sit there + try to get the kids to gossip with me because why was karen crying in first period, anyways?! 
anyways, a story : i subbed a first grade class this wednesday before i left (oh, hi from california where it is currently sixty something degrees + people are wearing ugg boots? why?) and the teacher decided to make a 'naughty + nice' list. the kids on the nice list were able to go to the class christmas party but the kids on the naughty list had to go to the library + feel their anxiety bubble up and explode inside of them. people! these are six year olds! mothers were lined up at the door explaining how their child had cried themselves to sleep the night before + children were bawling their eyes out...oi vey. it was a treat! also hat tip to the teacher for leaving that drama bomb + taking cover for the explosion. ha.

in other words, dear utah : i am adding oodles to your school system. ;)
(i am not actually the worst. in fact,  a 16 year old told me i was the best sub she ever had after i told her i shopped at forever twenty one. it's a small feat?)

onwards! my sister came to visit. when she comes, it's slightly magical. it might be because the whole week is caffeine shakes + sugar highs coupled with little sleep + punchy music. anyways, we had fun. she brings out a side of me that i usually leave tucked away (...this ain't about to be a ciara-like confession, here) + i find myself caring about the kardashians + high school drama a whole lot more + wearing obscene hats that say 'thug wife' on them. it's fun.
also, related : the amount of camo in my wardrobe increased substantially after her visit? hrmph?

like i said before, now i'm in california. we finished all of our christmas shopping yesterday remarkably. i say remarkably because the lines were crazy + we had panda express for lunch. i actually felt my brain throbbing at one point. what do they put in that stuff?! we are hoping to enjoy all that california has to offer for the next week + a half...and mostly just marvel over having a fully stocked pantry because, duh.


happy sunday, people!

like an annoying christmas newsletter...

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in the past two weeks: 


+ went to spokane, wa. for the biggest three on three basketball tournament in the world, or hoopfest. a place for me to let my inner-butch fly + people-watch all the live-long day. we ended up forfeiting so...that's how that went.

+ played around at my little piece of heaven on lake chatcolet with my family + vowed to nevereverevernever wear a two-piece around girls entering their senior year of high school. like, bye-bye self esteem. i thought you could have boobs or be skinny. not both. rude!

+ ran into (no, literally. i was on a run.) a bunch of old friends from high school + let them tease me for two hours straight about being a.) a child bride, b.) the biggest exaggerator...ever, and c.) clogging a toilet at a party like, fifteen years ago. and it wasn't even me!

side note: i was on a run and ran into my friend morgan who was at my friend logan's house for a barbeque. woof! that was a mouthful and i assume you aren't following. anyways, i was chatting with her in the driveway when i had. to. go. like, then. i snuck my way into the house and plopped down on the toilet, not especially wanting to talk to anyone, and then there's a knock on the door + i am proceeding to have a conversation with someone through the door that went a little something like this,

"is someone in there?"
"...ummm, yes. me."
"wait, who is that?"
"...brooke..."
"brooke mosman?!??! what the heck are you doing here!"
"umm, going to the bathroom."
"it's so good to see you! come out here!"

...I AM GOING TO THE BATHROOM. i would hurry up if i could but... then i open the door to some old friends standing in the doorway and i am trying to febreeze + close the door because hi, i just did some business in  there. it was weird.

+ hosted my family for the fourth of july. well, kind of. mostly we just picked out a spot to watch the fireworks and let some of my siblings sleep at our place. *more on that later* i looooove having visitors, most especially my family. they came and left quickly and hit up happy hour nearly every day they were here. my type of people. also jeff cut chad's hair which was actually just the funniest to watch because they both looked equal parts uncomfortable and terrified. vulnerability is so cute.

+ had daddy-daughter time with my father, but of course. he came down by his lonesome for the blessing of my brother's baby and spoiled us with 2-ply toilet paper and brand name peanut butter. ain't nothin' better!

+ welcome my morgan friend home. finally. and contributed a bag full of soda and bagged salad at a welcome home bbq for her because everybody knows i shouldn't cook anything, ever.

+ had one good hair day and learned what 'turn up' and 'turnt' mean and now i can't staaaaahp. i documented both here.

(it's okay, i know i'm a douche.)

+ had a baby blessing luncheon for my niece, kaliyani rose, and her blessing day. actually i contributed nothing to it besides an air conditioned apartment + a few serving spoons. but still! 

and i know i said this on instagram, but my family really is the best. well, the best for me. they are so funny and fun to be around and i really think if i had any other family, i would take a lot more selfies and post self-indulgent facebook statuses. they subtly keep you in line in the best of ways, you know?

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lately round here. or heeeeey-ere rather.

but first! to the commenter who told me, amongst many things, that i needed an english degree and a filter (to speak about having a period on the internet?! gasp!? : i kind of agree +, more importantly, i am on my period right now. and it's crazy. ;)

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now! on to the good stuff! do you actually enjoy posts like these? i don't really either. but i have a slew of cell phone pictures littering my phone (i am almost out of storage! what. is. this!) and i am fairly certain this utah heat is melting my brain. in a few more weeks, i will have brain slime dripping out my eye sockets and nostrils.

...and this is me apologizing for that visual. 

+ my sister is living with me now. exclamation point! she is here on and off for the summer and has made camp in our spare bedroom. because we have one of those now(!!!!!). it's been so fun. but also sobering? she steals my clothes and looks better in them, what is that?! in other news, i keep pimping her out at seven peaks and have taken over her tinder. so...any one have a brother? that's single? and doesn't wear a tee shirt while swimming? (sorry paige, my taste in sixteen year olds is a bit off...). 

+ seven peaks. seven peaks! and my future baby daddy wearing a bro tank and snap back, like baby daddies do.

+ ...eh, okay. so i tried to make 'healthy pancakes' because isn't that fun? i blended up carrots and spinach and protein powder and fairy dust and why didn't i use a recipe(?!?!) and the end result looked like fried chicken and tasted like, well, carrots, spinach, and protein powder. doused in peanut butter, of course.

+ like i said, i've got that period blues. and no english degree. ha! (but really, why don't you liiiiiike me?!) my body honestly and truly dragged me to winco this morning at nine a.m. and told me to get dark chocolate covered almonds. or else. 

+ this is quite possibly the ugliest picture of me to ever hit the internet, but crossfit man. crossfit sucks but also i love it but also i'm perpetually sore. ugh, the struggle. a few days ago i was sweating so hard; my shirt was drenched a big, fatty beads of sweat were getting into my mouth and eyes. aaaaand now i'm back to hating crossfit.

+ jeff is funny. everyone tells me so. 

+ come to utah and let me give you the grand tour...of gas stations. i'm kind of a pro at them and know all the best in and around utah county. i even yelp about them amongst other things! 

side note: why is it that my best social media times are on twitter replies and yelp...which no one ever sees? ugh. i'm such an unsung hero... ;)

+ remember how i made a new year's resolution that i am actually keeping! clap for me. this session last week was my maj. and alyssa pitt is one of my favorite humans.

+ paige, my paige. much like jeff, she takes nine hours to wake up and then bam! personality! let's go get ice cream! it's three a.m.! shimmy shimmy! i feel like such an old fart.

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what are you doing this weekend? i will probably just be lying on my bed catching up on the real housewives of absolutely anywhere (orange county is my favorite!) and stuffing my face with the rest of my chocolate covered almonds. because my monthly bill is here (peeeeriod!). yeeks. 

that one time i went to logan, utah...

first and perhaps, most importantly : look at me! well, look at this. this new space i'm bloggin' on. you're dying, no? how cute is my receding hair line to the right? and please, please, please click on the fourth social icon from the left -- it's my yelp page and i'm kiiiiind of proud of it. what? you don't like to share your opinions about gas station sodas and bean burritos? 

it was done by the lovely, lovely jenna over at grapefruit and gold. i'm hesitant to introduce her because  she's my katie huish. katie huish was my summer roommate in college who was exponentially better looking + funnier than me. introducing her to people was like saying, 'hey! you could have me or you could have twenty times better!' ha. no...but really...she also has a six-pack and is a college cheerleader so yeah. i kept her locked up. ;) it was like finding out you could have onion rings instead of fries. onion rings always win. 

this is all one long (and therapeutic?), drawn out metaphor to say that jenna is funny and her space on the internet is gold. gold, i tell you! (and grapefruit! ha! look what i did there?) she has mad, mad design skills and, perhaps, even more patience (i was probably not the best client in the world)(oh, that's the other thing. i got off on calling her 'my designer' -- which she was -- but oh...brooke...). 

if only my blog could shimmy and say 'voiiiiiila!' right now...

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onwards! to that one time i went to logan!

the weekend before last, jeff + i headed up to logan, utah to spend some time with my family and attend my cousin's (second cousin...but no matter) wedding. time with my family is always like a gust of energy straight to my lungs. or heart. or brain...or wherever 'energy' goes...

...anyways...

 there was texas sheet cake and mass amounts of diet coke and fresh new babies and inappropriate jokes (...poop jokes, to be specific...boys, boys, boys) and light gossiping so yeah, it was the standard mosman family gathering.

on our drive home, jeff remarked how i was blessed with super cool cousins. which like, i totally was! i don't mean to be gushy, but i am so grateful for them + the way they can make me laugh so hard i puke (no really, this happened once. at my dinner after my sweet grandpa's funeral, actually. i know, i know). 

and scene! 

neither here nor there.

woof! is it already wednesday? and is it already may? and am i still doing really crappy graphic design courtesy of pixlr? answer is yes. these past couple weeks have seemed to just fly by me. here's a few ramblings that are neither here nor there:

:: we moved! but we are not moved in, per say. like, we just have boxes sitting in a room. home sweet home? but our new place has a washer + dryer (hallelujah!) and a disposal and faux-hardwood floors and the most amazing light. and did i mention it has a washer + dryer? sold.

i like moving. maybe it is because i lived in my same house for most all my life and was convinced that being the new kid in school would be the most awesome thing in the world. a chance to start over...and make up stories about yourself! pro wake boarder? sure! mom's an ex-dallas cheerleader? why not! you see what i'm getting at here?

:: that said, we had major graduation goggles right before we moved out of our old place. the leaky faucet was sort of soothing, right? and the five a.m. morning delights courtesy of our neighbors were kind of a nice wake up call, no? mostly we just got sappy about our ward and our visiting teachers...and those blasted five a.m. morning delights.

:: i wore makeup today! this shouldn't be such a feat or exclamation. like, i'm no natural beauty. give this face some concealer and eyeliner stat. the kids in my reading group nearly gasped when i walked in and finally, finally believed that i was older than fourteen (which i don't get! fourteen year old's generally don't have birthing hips and turtlenecks! i am distinguished, dangit!)(...as much as i'd like to believe that it's because of my youthful looks, i am 74% certain it's because of my victory dance when i beat 'em at any educational game. suckers!)

:: iron. man. three. guys, it was my jam. we saw it last night (tuesday night movie deals, i see you!) and can we talk about gwyneth paltrow's abs for thirteen seconds? girl is ripped. and is forty! lucky for me, i haven't peaked yet -- i've been living out this twenty year awkward stage and am crossing my fingers by the time i'm forty, i'll have abs of steel. and a child named after a fruit, too.

:: me + my melissa friend have been doing this 3-week fitness challenge at a nearby bootcamp gym. on the first day, we had to sign a waiver with the trainer that said the basics: if we got hurt, it wasn't their fault; we aren't guaranteed to lose weight; personal training involves some touching. the trainer then joked that extra-touching was extra and i just mindlessly said "oh, yeah. i know. where do i sign?"

like, i was serious. what in the? who am i? what was i trying to prove? also all the veterans (...as in people that have done it before. not veteran veterans like i thought for the first four days) that work out there are so fit. i have caught myself staring at them far too many times. but those triceps, man.

:: the people at will's gas station know my name! or at least pretend to. actually i don't think they do? but they know my order! and that might be seven times as embarrassing than the fact that i am the only person who yelped about them. oops.

peace + blessings. 

my life in bullet points...because that's efficient and i am too.

|| did i tell you guys about this already? kim mosman is baby hungry. well, grandbaby hungry. she sends me subtle hints all day long. 

texts that read: wouldn't it be fun to have a baby right now? or I WANT LOTS OF GRANDCHILDREN or sometimes brooke, if you had a child right now, your MILF title would be locked + loaded for years to come (just kidding, she never texted me that...but that is a legitimate thought i had while sniffing someone else's baby at work the other day. don't tell me you don't sniff babies at think about milf-hood?). 

on valentine's day, she even deposited money in my account to buy a sexy outfit in exchange for an honest attempt at making her grandchild...oh, how things have changed. and isn't that borderline prostitution? in some twisted, tilt-your-head-and-squint-your-eyes way? oh, kim.

|| last week i went on a gloriously long run. that's right, gloriously long. because i exercise + occasionally enjoy it and that makes me relevant (i feel the need to tell everyone that i exercise because my lady pooch screams 'i am a couch potato!' and also 'i eat a lot of carbohydrates!' ....so, there's that). seeing as utah has the most unpredictable weather, i dressed as if i was going to be running through a blizzard...which, at first, i was. thirty minutes later i was dying of heat. i stripped down near a gas station and buried my clothes in the most secretest of spots. i came back an hour later and it was gone! someone stole all my clothes! it was parent trap status except for the fact that i don't have a long lost twin nor was i butt-nacked (or is it buck? no matter). 

...the purpose of that story was 97% to tell you guys that, again, i work(ed) out. nod your head in approval! are you doing it? 

|| morgan + i went to my friend from high school's basketbal game on saturday. she's on the gonzaga team + i love to bring that up whenever i am feeling inadequate. oh, you are studying astro-physics? well my friend plays college basketball. and is black. 

anyways, it was a fairly boring game and then...senior night hit. for some odd reason, morgan + i became emotional messes. it was touching! four years of basketball! passion! devotion! friendship! 

|| i locked my keys in my car on sunday and fell to the ground screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

no seriously, i did.

|| my rad in-laws were in town this past weekend and stayed in a big, fancy cabin in midway. my...nephew...in-law? can i claim him as my nephew? i'm going to. anyways, my nephew and i are making loads of progress. when he was first born, i had a terrible cold + had not quite married into the family...and i think i was wearing a low-cut top? in other words, i was losing. i sat in that hospital room and nearly died from holding in all my coughs. so. much. pressure.

but i didn't cough on him this weekend! and i held him for twenty-seven seconds and he didn't squirm away! motherhood is going to look so...something on me.

|| riddle me this: if your significant other was on the bachelor, would you pick 'em? knee-jerk-reaction: YES OF COURSE! but would you really? jeff + i had a deep discussion of this over dinner and decided maybe? i feel like my sarcasm would be highly misleading  + i am kind of too lazy to really fight for love and time at rose ceremonies. plus, hot tubs make me woozy. also i think i would expend most of my energy towards getting camera time + subtly breaking the fourth wall. 

|| i met my sweet cousin jennie for sushi in logan, utah on president's day. she is completely + totally pregnant and i out-ate her by a long shot. so that's cute.

|| I MISS MY FAMILY + i am seeing them in a few weeks...i decided to stop with the capital letters because didn't you feel like i was yelling at you? 

|| i randomly decided to email a friend from high school yesterday + spill my life and adoration for...his girlfriend. it was one of those things that i regretted right after i sent it but hey, some things need airing out. the email was supposed to be light + airy but in the light of day...it was totally creepy. like, real bad. why do i do these things? WHY?!

happy monday, people. 

in which i prove that i have no life experience...

balls, guys. is it already february thirteenth? i fear that i have made this joke before on the blog, but i am some sort of a deadbeat dad to this blog. i pop up sporadically, mostly around major nationally recognized holidays, and just pretend like nothing is wrong! i've always been here! two weeks is nuttin' kid, let's go get a snow cone and watch an edgy film that your mother would disapprove of! 

...in case you were wondering, my fictional deadbeat dad drives a motorcycle and is a golf instructor. also he cheers too loud at high school games and sometimes, sometimes tries to squeeze himself into the student section. oh, ralph. also, in case you were wondering, i'm essentially describing tim riggins' father. and yes, most of my life experiences do come from television series on netflix.

but it's almost valentines day! and just like a deadbeat dad would do, i am going to come swooping in all charismatic and charming that you will hardly remember that i've been gone for the past two weeks. and shoot, so much has happened. well, sort of.

like! my sister came to town. yes, the hott one. and yes, she's still fourteen. it was a ball. though i felt all sorts of pathetic when she was telling her friend on the way to the airport all the fun stuff that we did;

"we...uh...wandered ikea and looked for wedding dresses at d.i. and...ate a lot of stuff and went to walmart and sonic..."

eh, so maybe i'm not the most exciting person on paper. or in person, but it's no matter. i'm a gracious host and even stocked the fridge for her! ...right, paige?

this all reminds me of my point: i am not that exciting. a few days ago, i read jenna's post about how lame she is and my neck hurts from nodding in agreement (ain't she funniest?). i. am. so. lame. about me sections and get-to-know you games are my enemy. in fact, today at an interview i was asked to 'tell a little about myself' and it went something like this...:

"well, i'm brooke. as you know. from the paper. and umm...i like...biking. well, not really. i like, buying things. anything, really! even groceries. i like...my...family..."

it was painful for the both of us. i just kept nodding to make up for the long silences and at one point we made such intense eye contact i kind of peed myself out of discomfort. needless to say, i was hired immediately and am already employee of the month!

speaking of work, i laced up a man in a prom dress the other day with my lauren-friend. by the end of the appointment, we both had lady-crushes on him and determined that cobalt blue was his power color. life is funny sometimes?

...and that makes me sound all sorts of exciting, right?

au revoir, january!

january was my month of complaining. you have to have one, right? i complained about the freezing weather + lack of snow, and then i complained about the taunting blue skies + piles of snow, and then i complained about the rain + the black ice it created (understandably so!), and finally i complained about all of the slush. what was my deal? why did no one shove a pillow over my face?

but now that january is going, going, gone, i sort of miss it? as i was looking through my pictures taken this last month, i realize that amidst the plummeting bank account (january was expensive) and frozen car rides (...i'm too impatient to wait for my car to dethaw in the mornings), there was a whole lot o' good. or maybe i'm just really good at looking super happy in pictures? maybe?

:: we celebrated our one year of knowing each other!, oh heavens...is that embarrassing? :: moscow friends that are also provo friends are the literal best :: ...i was happy about my eyebrow shape? :: we have been forfeiting our date nights to groupon and this place was t h e nastiest :: 

:: fortunately, the aforementioned mexican restaurant felt bad and gave us a complimentary dessert? :: my new year's secret resolution to eat healthier went to the crapper the second i started making brownies. i was in a grouchy, grouchy sugar coma :: i got a new self-timer app and have been using it to capture all of our sweetest memories that are coincidentally always at mcdonald's over ice cream sundaes + dollar drinks ::

:: i said goodbye to one of my sweetest friends, avery. she is off on a 18 month mission to serve the people of atlanta! it was a sad + happy night. also, please ignore my outfit?

:: no explanation necessary :: i got a new job as a bridal consultant and i love it and all of my coworkers! happy days! :: waking up to this face. the simple things in life. :: blue skies! ::

:: i've discovered that the showers at the gym have consistently hot water + so much counter space. more gym incentives! :: ...we are that annoying tablet couple. :: my well dressed man! who poses so wonderfully? no wait, this is candid... ;) :: my new job is right next to firehouse subs (...and yogurtland; hello, love handles!) and it has a magic drink machine. 44 oz. always.

goodbye, january! 

shoot, where did the weekend go?

for jeff's birthday week we went to the lakers vs. jazz game and indulged in the whole experience...and by indulged, i mean $8.50 for a churro + regular soda, really? apparently the lakers are jeff's jam -- he made sure to remind me of that three times on the drive down, every time with a hand-on-the-knee and a good stare into the eyes. 

the halftime entertainment was my favorite. it was a small asian lady who rode a ten-foot tall unicycle and balanced bowls on her head. weird, right? everyone kept chanting more! more! more! and the unicyclist kept adding more bowls, every time ending with a smile and a prom queen wave. more! more! more! i was on the edge of my seat by the tenth bowl...and also feeling a bit self-conscious about my audible anxiety over this performance because most of the devout laker fans around me (why are they the scariest utah-ites?!) had left for the bathroom...could she balance it? what if she falls? why the heck did she decide this was her passion?!

...and....it...balanced! i loosened my grip on the seat in front of me and exhaled. i was so relieved for the tiny unicycler but could she have balanced eleven? 

this week sort of felt like the bowel-balancing-unicycler, sort of (i have a hard time committing to dessert choices, tv series, and similes, you should know). i felt like i was just trying to stay balanced and every one kept chanting more! more! more! 

as much as i felt like i was almost off-balance at all times, i loved this week and i wanted more, gosh dangit!

this week we went to sam hawk twice. and any week that starts off with a double-dip at a greasy korean restaurant has got to be good, am i right? we rung in jeff's birthday with family and friends, a lakers vs. jazz game, an election-watching snack fest (...i am so happy it is over! let's all return to being nice and talking about christmas?)(also jeff's dude lost; i should plan the election for a better date next time around? it put a real damper on birthday week ;), and the bourne legacy (too many chase scenes, not enough kissing). 

jeff is kind of the best birthday boy, even when both his teams lose.

then my dad came down to visit! my dad is the funniest...but also the wisest and most-intimidatingest (he remarked the he was over his hug-quota by four for the year as he was leaving, ha!), so it's actually the best combination and sometimes he reminds me a lot of jay pritchet? when he first got into town, i met him for the free continental breakfast at his hotel. i think that will remain the highlight of my semester (and i mean it!). it was so nice just to chat (...and get stocked on costco food!) this weekend and have full parental attention; isn't full parental attention the best though? 

and can we talk about this weather? sheesh. 

and now, on to monday. 

life as of late.

for the past two episodes of netlix’d parks and rec (can i be couple-friends with will arnett and amy pohler already?)(…couple friends…eeeek…), i’ve been trying to  figure out the correct onomatopoeia to describe the sound of a deep inhale through the nostrils. my front-runners: ‘mmmm’, ‘ffffffff’, and ‘huuuurrrff’

maybe? kind of? are you feeling it?

now, enough of onomatopoeia, and on to me. that’s what we are all here for, right? (unless you are here for the other simply brooke–a fan fiction author that writes for digimon)

onwards: i’m married, you guys! and to answer the next question, it’s been great. people keep asking us if we like it and, if we are being truthful, we don’t really know yet. if being married is cruising, free meals, parties centered around your love, and a surplus of tagged facebook photos, then we are old pros. marriage is easy. ha. (…we have actually had a hard time adjusting from the cruise-life to real-life; we have to refrain from ordering 3 entrees and just leaving our garbage everywhere)

we do know that we love each other, though. it has been so fun to have him around 24/7 and to adjust to being married (answering to ‘brooke stapleton’, controlling nighttime gas, de-hair-ing the shower after use, and remembering that the crimson wave is a completely natural bodily function that happens once a month…to reiterate: i. am. not. dying.).

so here’s a little catch-up a la pictures (my life just looks better in the instagram ‘walden’ filter…) and a list (i’ll talk alllll about the actual ceremony later!):

one: we went back to my neck of the woods in northern idaho! we got all northern-idaho-y and rode the hiawatha trail (recommend! recommend!).

two: can you get over that sunset? me neither.

three: vegas, baby! we didn’t really mean to. nor did we want to. but we ended up in the crazy hot las vegas with my family and had a blast! i forget all the details and can’t really expound on this point but…it was a blast! exclamation point!

four: registering for a marriage license was sort of stressful. i thought that they were going to ask me really in-depth questions about him that i would have to know the right answer to (favorite color? elementary school crush? allergies?!). thankfully, they didn’t. but they did ask me my age…twice. “nine…teen…” (something about that ‘teen’ word evokes instant eyebrow raises?)

five: more lake time. but this time post-marriage…you know what that means! shared checking accounts! but really. jeff is slowly becoming me with the bowl of soup and can of ice-cold diet coke. and i am slowly becoming him with occasional showering and clothes washing. oy.

six: you know when you are apart from something for a while and you realize how much you actually love it? distance makes the heart go stronger? it’s like that one time i didn’t eat hot dogs for a year, just because. or when i haven’t seen my sisters in a while. they’re funny people, you know?  (and cute. and smart. and…another endearing adjective.)

seven: jeff and i have a problem. we both still think we are juniors in high school. we threw chad a surprise party (SURPRISEEEE!)(okay, side-note: all the kids hid in the bathroom to surprise him. five minutes before, i went into the bathroom and…relieved myself. thoroughly. ha. when they went in there, i heard someone say: “SICK! who farted?!” hahahaha…oops), and we both couldn’t help but try to impress everyone. i even overheard jeff telling a few of the boys about his high school football days that ended abruptly because he “got kicked off the team” (…you GUYS! he simply didn’t fundraise enough and broke his femur…dirt biking…cool points restored?).

eight: …we didn’t adjust well to a wedding event that wasn’t centered around us. like, what was that about? (only kidding. it was GREAT to not have to be paraded around– no strained smile muscles here!)

nine: hi hanna’s face and a plate full of brownies! when we got back to provo we realized that we live right next door to my morgan, hanna, avery, and maddy friend. mooching score: 1, us. thanks for the dinner, morgs ;) (eww. i never call her that. why did i just do that?)

ten: call us jim and pam! no really, please? i was on a quick job-scramble and applied everywhere…and ended up scoring a job at jeff’s place of work. ha. they have FREE fountain drinks there and chairs that spin and a softball team and everything! we work in two different departments but it’s still so fun having someone to carpool with and to kanoodle at the water cooler.

eleven: …and to take lunch breaks with, too. isn’t he handsome?

twelve: jeff’s brother shane is living here now! and they like to match and change tires together and stuff. (there’s your shout-out, shane. you happy?)

…school’s tomorrow. sleep tight!

lately.

 

besides tripping over someone’s backpack that they were rolling behind them (WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THAT?!) today, things have been groovy over here in provotown.

like, for instance, last night i went on a date (or was it?) and i got to talk the whole time! i just told stories and told some more stories and then made up some stories and told them. i also got a FREE large cookie which i split with my date (…or was he?)(we had a really awkward moment when i looked at the cookie and realized i had eaten nearly all of it; i’m kind of bad at sharing?). and we played catch phrase! i love catch phrase!

also  i don’t have class till eleven. ELEVEN! that number rings sweetly in a former 8:20 class attendee.

and the weather has been glorious. yesterday i wore a skirt and tights and a three-quarter sleeve shirt and i was warm! warm, i tell you!

and i like my science class? or at least i am almost sure?

AND! AND! i have a new show to watch (‘once upon a time’–thank you alyssa!), and new clothes to wear (thank you old navy sale!), and a new language to learn, and new boys to date? but probably not?

rah, rah! winter semester! you’re the best, like a crazy jester! or cheap polyester! or an empty nester?

friday night ramblings.

 

(today is going to be a no-caps night; why am i so indecisive?)

the first half of my day was filled with pure academia (i realize this is the wrong use of the word, but it’s a no-caps kind of night) and slight pretentiousness. i started off my day with my morning jog (lie: i don’t jog enough to have a ‘morning jog’)(lie: …i never jog)(lie: i hardly jogged; i mostly just admired my friends jogging. they’re so spry!) around the temple (…at least i think it was the temple…i was crying so hard from my sore legs/stomach/arms/pride that i didn’t even look up).

following my morning jog (lie…), i wandered to the bean museum (pretentious!) with my anthropology class. to my dismay, it is not filled with beans. rather it’s filled with rad stuffed animals (it reminded me of kirk’s basement on the ali’s season of the bachelorette; his dang taxidermist dad ruined it for him!) and subtle smells of puke.

lovely.

i then dined at the museum of art cafe (pretentious!) with some friends and ate chilled raspberry soup (glorified danimals yogurt) amongst hipsters in stripey tee shirts (pretentious!).

following my m.o.a. meal, i dragged myself into the library and had the most awkward conversation ever with my peer mentor where i realized we never made eye contact once. or talked about anything regarding school. or even introduced ourselves.

(side note: while in the library, i stood behind this very portly woman who was laughing so vehemently that i began to fear she would never stop; that i would be standing there till infinity and beyond, listening to her chuckle)

i ended my day at a back-to-school bash at a dance club in provotown where i realized that my social life is killing my social life. to explain, the more i go out, the less i go out. to explain, when i dance, i scare people.

brandon davies was there. being all moral and stuff?

the end.

summer, as told by my phone.

1. The large $1.67 Diet Coke I would drag myself across the street to Wendy’s for when I got real desperate (the caffeine free Diet Coke offered all over BYU campus was just not conducive to my lifestyle).
2. Routine mid-day nap: ruined!
3. San Francisco with my brothers. Is that a gang sign of sorts, Chad?
4. The forsaken psychology class that occupied my Monday and Wednesday mornings and was also the recipient of all words cursed during my BYU experience.
5. My father breaking up the wedding day preparation with a cheer about…weddings?
6. Reading. Reading. Reading. How did I just discover Life of Pi?
7. Pie day in cooking class! Mine is the square one. Hey, I passed…with a B+.
8. Fish tacos that blew my mind in Laguna (no Kristen, no LC; just fish tacos).
9. One of the manymanymany pictures I sent to my mom to prove that I was, indeed, making an effort to look like I was not born in a barn.
10. One of the manymanymany pictures I sent my mom to prove that I was wearing makeup. And that my hair had grown!
11. The lovely Three Arch beach in Laguna. I could have just stayed there forever.
12. A lovely view of the great Salt Lake City from a rock that reminded me of the Lion King. A Rafiki/Simba reenactment soon followed.
13. The most charming little boy ever who told me that I was his “ Fourth of July girlfriend.” Now if only I could find a “Christmas,” “Birthday,” and “Valentine’s Day” boyfriend.
14. Tina Fey’s Bossypants accompanying me to a quick trip to Portland, Oregon. Miss Fey earned me a total of 342 strange looks in the airport when I would burst out laughing over and over again.
15. I’m a hoarder…but it all fit! Now lets just cross our fingers for my fall wardrobe.
16. Snapping a quick and creepy picture of my friend Phil at Walmart. Just look at that outfit? I could die.
17. One of the manymanymany jobs that I applied for while in Provo. I believe this one is to be a janitor at a Laundromat. My diminishing bank account has no shame.
18. For a few days I pretended to like running long distances willingly and obviously had to document the rare moment.
19. Shopping at my favorite store in Moscow, The Storm Cellar, and scoring a wonderfully sheer white dress. Score! It is also polyester. Score?
20. Finally back in Moscow for a few days realizing that nothing has changed in Moscow…besides a frozen yogurt place! We are officially a town! (Alpine vanilla yogurt, granola, coconut flakes, mangoes, kiwi, and every berry offered topped with a little bit of honey—heaven in a bowl).
21. Oh! One more thing changed. Jason wears man tanks now. And also lives in Hawaii. That’s almost as great as a frozen yogurt place, almost.

my summer: a pizza.

 

January 7th: The day that Britney Spear’s released her brilliantly mainstream single ‘Hold it Against Me’ for the whole world to hear.

I remember how confused I was that day, sweet January 7th, driving my light blue Corolla across the icy streets of Moscow to procure an equally icy $1.06 Diet Coke at McDonald’s. The radio was dialed to the always-trusty Z-Fun 106.1 and the playlist had been a rotating mix of Lil Wayne, T-Pain, and annoyance.
Still driving, the music became apart of the background; nothing but mere noise. Until my ears were met with sweet, sweet bliss and felt like they were in ear drum heaven. Britney Spears was blaring over my sound system (ALL CAPS!) Could that be Britney? Has she finally come back? BRITNEY?! I was so excited to hear her voice again, singing raunchy lyrics in a sexy voice to a catchy beat–the familiarity felt like the wearing the coziest, most favorite-est sweater after a long, hot summer.
But then I remember thinking: Wait…I don’t even really like Britney. Why am I so excited to hear her? Why are my inner thoughts in italics?

Answer: Because she left. And shaved her head. And popped out a few children. And was once married to K-Fed. And now she’s back.

Perhaps I was trying to generate the same feelings with the few blog readers that I have. I wanted you guys to miss me and my raunchy lyrics just liked I missed Britney; I wanted you to forget how much you really didn’t like me and be blinded by your cravings for my return.
And I’m back! Fortunately during my three-month blog hooky I didn’t shave my head or have a baby or get married to a back up dancer. I did, however, have the best summer of my life to date! I feel like I did so much and combined so much great stuff into one that it should be illegal; my summer was like a romantic-comedy-drama that starring Meryl Streep, Dianne Keaton, Meg Ryan AND Jennifer Anniston. And Ryan Gosling. Set in Italy. With a wonderful soundtrack and lovely resolve. A movie that makes you pee your pants laughing and cry from happiness and sadness and allergies-ness.
Or maybe it’s like a pizza. That has pepperoni and sweet onions and bell peppers and sausage and pineapple and pine nuts and bacon and basil and pesto and a thin crust dough and tomato-y sauce and mushrooms, lots of mushrooms (‘lots of mushrooms’: that is not a hint about how I spent my summer…mind you, I was at BYU). But it also has zero calories and doesn’t cause my stomach to break out in WWIII fifteen minutes later. Yeah, like a pizza.
In other words, it was too good to be true.
And now it’s over.
And now I’m back…and craving pizza.

My Top 10 Favorite Things about 2010 (in no particular order):

1. All the people that filled it up. I felt like 2010 was spent with the people who I genuinely love and who genuinely love me.
2. Saving lives. No really, I did. Well, not really. Once upon a time I was in a wave pool in Boise with my beardy-friend, Jason. We were trying to balance on a stolen tube when we noticed that there was a large, ginger child (in other words, a day walker) suffering to stay afloat right next to us. I quickly jumped off the tube and tried to give it to him, but he was struggling so much that he couldn’t hold on to the tube. Jason had to jump into the water and try to shove him and his now-bare-butt up onto the tube. I began to simultaneously cry, laugh, and urinate from the sight of this. Fortunately, the ginger was saved. Hopefully he’ll enroll his 14-year-old self in some swimming lessons.
3. Being a senior. Though most of my friends have ventured off to different colleges in various states (or to the University of Idaho down the street) and no longer roam the ill-colored hallways of MHS alongside me, I love that I am now a senior. Everything is more fun. And I am that much closer to being done with school (…only to be met with four more years of college).
4. San Diego, California! I was fortunate enough to visit San Diego two times this year, once for spring break and then again the first week of June. The first time was spent with my cousin Ryne and my friend Kylie–we played a lot of chatroulette (I don’t recommend this) and gorged ourselves with HoDad’s burgers and milkshakes. The second time was my most favorite–Kylie and I drove all the way down there to drop her off at college and was met by Morgan and Aleigh. There we gorged ourselves in girl-time, In n’ Out, and Bubba Sparxx.
5. All things summer-time.
6. Playing the role of Mr. Bud Weiser: Folks, Utah is an odd place. Plain and simple. When I visited my toe-headed friend Morgan there this year, Provo did not disappoint. We attended a ‘white trash’ party where there was arm wrestling, macaroni and hot-dog eating, and good ole honky-tonk-ing. Morgan, Hanna and I really got into our costume; Morgan was Becky, a 32 month pregnant chain-smoker who fancied all things John Deere; Hanna was Starla, Becky’s child from an illegitimate father (who was brown); I was the notorious Mr. Bud Weiser, a man who, clearly, couldn’t put down the bottle.
7. Learning that moles really do grow back again. While we were in Portland visiting my Geemama, my sister McKenzie offered to scratch my back. McKenzie prides herself in her mass calcium intake and her fingernails prove it. As I was sitting on the edge of the bed, enjoying the back-scratch-session, I felt a sharp pang and turned around only to see that McKenzie had scratched my most favorite mole right off. I held a grudge over that for a few weeks. Fortunately for our relationship and for the sake of my back, the mole grew back. Thank you for that 2010.
8. That I’m 18!
9. What I learned: To sum it up, I learned that organized sports may not be my calling anymore, that I actually can’t Dougie, and that, despite all of this, I am still okay.
10. That it’s over!