The day Jude entered the world was the same day Jeff graduated (he got all gussied up, walked, got his diploma + off to the hospital we went) which feels sort of symbolic? Right?
I had been in labor for 40 something hours (I wanted to go naturally)(...ask me now how I feel...)(#epiduralsforever) + was starting to feel it. Actually, no. I was far past 'feeling it' + headed straight for 'yelling at random strangers at Del Taco.' Woof. My dreams of doing this all Paltrow-y were really seeming far off. WHO WAS I KIDDING? Also, let it be known, I watched Bravo reruns during this entire time. 40 hours of contractions, 40 hours of Real Housewives, Southern Charm, and, you know I was desperate, Shahs of Sunset.
When we finally got to the hospital + got all situated (...and drugged. So drugged. Thank you modern medicine), we flipped on the TV + watched Fixer Upper for a few hours while Jeff ate thai food + we soaked in the last few minutes of not being parents + started getting the urge to shiplap everything. They gave me some pitocin + within minutes I was ready to push. I WAS ELATED.
Jeff grasped my hand + my mom rubbed my head + we all avoided looking in the giant mirror they wheeled in(!!!!!!) + it was go-time. After four hearty pushes, he was on my chest and I was sobbing uncontrollably + was a mother. It was the most emotional experience of my whole life. He felt so new + heavenly but also overwhelmingly familiar. Ah. It is unexplainable. It was so, so beautiful. It felt like I was hit by a bus with the amount of love I felt in that very moment.
And now he is three + a half months + snoozing in the room right next to me.
LIFE. IS. SO. CRAZY. (and so good)(most of the time)
Jude Willam, I love you more than anything + everything + all the things times a trillion. You are my world. I vacillate between wanting you to stay itty bitty forever (the coos! the smell! the sweetness!) + wanting to speed up time so I can show you all the great things in the world (like Mt. Dew with grape flavoring + Jimmy Fallon + potato chips in sandwiches + the lake in August).
Love you forever.