5

unsolicited marriage advice : find your happy, girl!

Thursday, September 19, 2013


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you guys, i've been married a year now and am almost able to purchase alcohol // adopt a child // be elected as mayor (or all three! at the same time!)... most obviously this warrants me to pretend that i am fully of sage-y, marital wisdom. i've decided to start sharing my *completely unsolicited* marital advice. take it for what you will! some of it comes from my own personal experiences, some comes from my family // friends, and some comes from romantic comedies and real housewives of orange county

let's all get our eye rolls out now+ vote brooke stapleton for mayor in two thousand fifteen!


husbands are great for many things like killing spiders (...this is a lie. i am chief spider killer in this house!), telling you that no, the color yellow doesn't make you look like you have jaundice but does make you look like a giant parakeet, and encouraging ranty yelp posts. but here's a secret : they are not magic. i mean...sure. they can bring the magic now and then (heh, heh! get it?), but they themselves are not magic. fwhaaaa?!

let me explain : in my marriage + family class (what? it's interesting + i needed s'more credits. put down your judgy eyebrows!), we talked about how many people, especially young people, find themselves disappointed by marriage. though their spouse//partner may be a loyal + loving person, they find it all a little bit ... magic-less.

our teacher talked about how many people get married honestly + truly believing that their spouse is some sort of magician that will get rid of all of their problems once they get married. after they say i do, they will find themselves with all the drive in the world to mend their relationship with their sister. or after they say i do, they will magically grow strong testimony of the church of flying waffles + canadian bacon. or, most especially, once they say i do, all their personal problems + insecurities will disappear.

truth : jeff makes me feel like ten million dollars. truly! he is so complimentary of me + is as supportive as an entire cheer squad through all my fleeting interests + endeavors. he has helped me to like the things that i didn't love about myself before (wide hips are great for birthing! thick thighs can earn me a speed skating scholarship...maybe! scraggly hair is...i have a great personality?) + makes me feel appreciated five million times over.

*but*
i still have my issues! i still get mega-depressed after i eat big meals + still whip out ten million self-bashing if i catch a look at my reflection on a monday in an old navy dressing room mirror (mondays and i just don't love each other + old navy's lighting makes me look tired ). i am still wildly inpatient + still have no compassion for people who whine about referees. these things haven't gone away. if you aren't happy with yourself before you get married, you probably won't be happy later. eh? eh?

so, my unsolicited advice : love yourself first. get to know yourself! i've done very few things right in my life, but one thing i can mildly brag about is that i feel like i knew myself before jeff + genuinely liked myself before jeff. i loved my own company. like, a sickening amount. adding him to the mix just made it a giant love-fest of narcissism and selfies. a truly beautiful union. i know who i am as a person + know who i am as a wife. i don't feel like i've lost any bit of my identity, rather just added to it! a husband//boyfriend//partner//corgi won't make you happy, just happier. you have to find your happy first.
and i realize that last paragraph was one long, high-pitched toot of my own horn. deafening, really.
find your happy, girl!


now tell me how much you disagree in the comments. or don't. please don't. 
and i promise i only take myself mildly seriously. so laugh condescendingly if you must. 


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2

an uneventful saturday pretending to be eventful through bullet points.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

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days that start with cancelled plans are sort of glamorous. we had our alarms set + car filled with gas for an adventure to logan to hang with jennie + company, but the weather had an agenda + foiled any dream involving a sunny day spent outside up north. by nine thirty, we were scratching our heads + asking what the heck should we do with our day?!

it was mostly uneventful. i took two naps + spent most of the day in leggings. but this is a blog about spontaneity + pizzazz + look how fun we are. i want our kids digging through the archives of this space on the internet + seeing that their now-balding parents never wasted a saturday. never! so, by the use of bullet points, here is our mostly uneventful saturday pretending to be eventful through the crafty use of bullet points. ha!

the camera loves me!

yesterday : 
  • went to the morning yoga class. flung myself against a wall attempting to do a headstand. stifled my giggles for the rest of class.
  • arrived at costco before the samples were set up. walked the frozen aisles with my stomach grumbling. also, let it be noted, jeff wrapped up half of his chicken bake because my at-home cooking is that impressive. 
  • sat in melissa's kitchen + spewed out unsolicited marriage advice. as one does. 
  • broke my sugar fast with my morgan-friend + ate some apple pie + ice cream. instant headache! instant sugar anger! it was all very monumental.
  • scouted out locations for that photo side of my life. mostly just drove aimlessly around spanish fork looking for a suitable bathroom. 
  • sat on morgan's couch with her + jen and talked about jen's newly married life + morgan's date this tuesday that i am so excited about that i am posting it on social media. ha! 
  • went to a pie-a-betes party for my token diabetic friend, callie (click that link! read her blog! it's so funny!). games included 'diabetic celebrities', 'sculpt callie's favorite things', and 'diabetic fact or crap.' remarkably, i didn't eat the pie there. also, i almost kicked jeff off of our team for pictionary because he chose to draw his picture in neon yellow so no one could see it. what?! what?!
  • applied to be a cashier at winco + told jeff to double-cross his fingers + pray that i get the job. 
  • ...started worrying about the future of my life if i am asking someone to pray that i get a job as a cashier at a grocery store (...but ever since win a date with tad hamilton, i've kind of fantasized of scanning people's bulk cereal + milk. cross your fingers for me!!).
  • took full advantage of our free month subscription to amazon prime + watched all season two of workaholics. not that i condone that show. ;)



aren't we fun?! we are fun. 
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5

that one time i wanted to know what i looked like while having an animated conversation.

Friday, September 13, 2013


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as a child, one of my favorite toys was a voice recorder. my parents were unconventional, i suppose. no barbie jeeps or teddy bears over here, just rejected office supplies ( but also i thought i was a dog with my derek-neighbor + i played with barbies until i was like...thirteen. that's besides the point.). i thought it was so jarring to hear the sound of my own voice + got an absolute kick out of replaying it over + over again + making myself sound like a chipmunk with the fast forward button. self entertainment at it's finest! ...also the start of my narcissism, but aren't all bloggers?

today i reached a new level of low. or narcissism. toe-may-toes, toe-mah-toes. but actually it's toe-may-toes.
i texted my mom in an attempt to walk down memory lane about my love affair with the voice recorder. i wanted to sort out the details + figure out how old i was + when my parents decided it had gone on too long and took it away from me + also could they mail it to me because i really wanted to hear the sound of my own voice today.

i know, i know. it's bizarre.

anyways, i spent a good fifteen minutes talking to myself today on my macbook. i couldn't stop! i wanted to see what it looked like when i was talking from the side + how my face looked when i was surprised + how loud i chewed cereal. the important things, you know.

i actually think i may be going insane. who's going to give me a diagnosis?
here's the last of the videos. it is sort of a conclusion to all my findings. it's also where i realize how insane i was being. all good things to share to the blogging world.

onwards. i call this brooke in real life or the tipping point of my sanity or how i like my face from afar or why did i keep touching my hair?! or, quite possibly, the diary of amanda bynes 2.0. enjoy with popcorn.


video

happy friday, folks! 

0

little thank you's.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

 something i've been working on as of three seconds ago is being more grateful for what i have right now. in class today, our teacher posed the question : what if i told you that you already had all the tools that you needed to be completely happy + joyful? how would that change things?

during the end of my high school experience, i was over it. i remember my weight training teacher (ha! ask me if i ever lifted a weight? no. i did, however, master the art of the four-legged race with my ryan-friend + became sort of, kind of better at ddr maxx) asking me what the best part about my year was going to be. looking back, was he trying to reach out to me? was i one of those visibly troubled youth? was i the jesse to his walter white?! i looked at him + said : leaving moscow ... indefinitely.

sassy. also! let it be noted! i was riding a stationary bike at the time + trying to see around his head to watch the ellen show. this is when she was on at eleven a.m., of course.

in my head, i wasn't going to be fully happy until i got out of northern idaho. which is one part teen angst but most parts totally silly. why wasn't i relishing in the fact that my mom did my laundry, made my dinners, + (don't judge me)  curled my hair?! why wasn't i squealing with delight when i checked my calendar + saw that, yep, i had no obligations. why wasn't i loving on my girlish figure that is long gone since meeting the byu cafeteria? why was i setting these parameters on my happiness level?! 

let's just blame it on being seventeen?

so, here's my concerted effort to be grateful for what's around me (...except for the ants that have been crawling around my desk + laptop as of late...why is this?!) right now. sure, i can look forward to what's to come (babies! a *hopefully* real income! an actual use for my birthing hips!) but...

where am i going with this? 

awww, yes. here are my little 'thank you's' for the week. because i'm working on being more grateful, ya know? 


:: thank you mother earth for this cool weather. once school starts, i want to shut the heat off. give me the cold. i don't need heat-sweats atop my stress-sweats.

:: a big, fat thank you to russ the yoga instructor tonight for quietly asking me + my lily-friend if we are ready to begin now? instead of slapping us upside the head for being loud + disruptive. also thank you for the class + for making my bum drip with sweat. that's never happened before. 

:: oh! sweet jeff! thank you for your unwavering patience + hard work. that boy was in the computer lab (neeeeerd) for hours working on a program that moved files? or something? you know, i really don't get this whole computer science jazz but i support it with mcdonald's salads + back scratches. also thank you for having the same humor as me and nearly losing your marbles over 30 rock right now. you're my person.

:: thank you a hundred + ten times over, employee at rumbi's, for quickly delivering my rice bowl to me. i was in a whole new state of hanger (side note : i was at best buy for nearly five hours today! five hours! on the bright side, i came out with a fancy new sprint sliding phone that can receive texts + calls and...slide! minimalism. i'm all about it.) + was actually near tears. 

:: thank you mommy dear, for being the one person i can brag to about anything + everything including keeping up on the dishes + other things of low importance. i love that mommy dear. 

:: thank you crazy lady at best buy for raising your voices at the employees + saying exactly what i wanted to say. also, thank you for allowing me to play the role of 'kind + patient customer who rolls her eyes at crazy ladies.' i liked that role. also sorry for the eye roll, i was in character...you get me. 

:: thank you amazon prime for having the real housewives of orange county : secrets revealed episode. i was dying. also for having tosh.0 season four for free. ...not that i like junky television, or anything?

:: thank you, giant zit under my nose, for grounding + humbling me. i was having three good hair days in a row. you know what good hair days do to my self esteem. i needed you.

:: thank you for this cute + cozy apartment that is slowly coming together (read : actually receives the aesthetic attention it deserves when my mother comes to visit -- she has a thing for hanging pictures + reorganizing?) + for our sweet neighbors right above us with the cutest kids who remind me that yes, kids are adorable but yes, they are loud + disrupt normal sleeping patterns. but the pitter patter of their foot steps make me saaaaah-woon! (am i a creepy neighbor? i'm a creepy neighbor.)

:: thank you local grocery store for your oversized ... and slightly overpriced ... pink lady apples. they are the size of my head which kind of makes my head feel petite for the first time in twenty years? double thank you.


thank you, thank you, thank you. 

1

who is john kerry, anyways? || confessions of a lowly journalism major.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


( this is my sister paige. who, yes, is perfect. the reason for this picture? mostly i don't have any crummy iphone pictures to throw up here but also, go follow her on twitter. she's so funny. i feel like i need to share this with the world as one does in the wee hours of the morning... )

it's 1:39 a.m. and my alarm is set for 5:15 a.m.
maybe i should start hitting my palm to my face now? *face-palm*

but i can't sleep.
so here's a story:

i'm in the journalism program for reasons including : it's a fast major, i love to write, it involves no math, refer back to reason number one.
i mean, do i want to be a hard-hitting journalist for the wall street journal? meeeeeh. hard pass.
on the first day of class, we had to write our end-goals as a journalist. mine involved having my own little space of creativity + wit in a magazine about food or fitness or...cosmopolitan? i would happily give out unfounded relationship advice + list the top trends in hair + decide whether an outfit is sexy or skanky for the rest of my career as a journalist...and also maybe having my own talk show once i learn how to keep my facial expressions under control?

they are far-fetched and undoubtedly warranted a load of eye rolls from the communications department. but they are mine!

...also, related : we are required to read the new york times and are given a quiz about the top stories. oh, if you were to hear some of my answers. like,
why is dennis rodman in the news? ... he's wearing a wedding dress again?
answer : north korea...something or other.

who is john kerry + why is he relevant?
(this is embarrassing! it hurts!) ... he ran for president in 2004? and he is going to try again?
answer : he is the secretary of state. you nerd.

(... and my favorite answer that wasn't mine but was my sydney-friend's* ... )
who is nancy pelosi?
a very popular news anchor.
answer : the former speaker of the house.

bah!
i caved under pressure!
what happened to me?!

...in other news, a nyc gym shames miley cyrus + should i go more brunette?
awww, yes. this is home.



 *names have been changed because of privacy + such. or maybe they haven't? hrmph.


2

a few things i feel the need to tell you.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

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i only have school on monday and wednesday. also i am unemployed (officially). that leaves a lot of time to think + ponder + peruse the aisles of tj maxx on my off days. mostly i catch up on editing photos + pluck my eyebrows (...does any one else have to pluck every day? what is this mess?! why am i so hairy!?), if you were wondering. today i mentally noted all of the things that i was going to tell my avery-friend who is on a lds mission in atlanta, georgia at present. i am kind of the worst at keeping in touch with her + more often than not i forget to put these mental letters into actual writing. oops. here's to avery!

(this is my niece kaliyani. the point of this photo is...there isn't one. but it's tuesday! and every one needs a little baby in their life. and also isn't she the cutest? her lips!)

  • last sunday i quit diet coke cold turkey. i know, i know. i'm so brave. mostly i just want to cry + curl into a little ball...but aren't i brave? we shall see how long this lasts...
  • tonight i namaste'd with my rachael-friend. peeps! yoga! i felt so relaxed the whole time. also i pounded a bunch of brussel sprouts before + had to exert half my effort  to stop from tooting. did i ever tell you about the one time i went to zumba + literally stunk up the back row? and the worst part : when the girl next to me rolled her eyes + scoffed at the heavier man next to me, i joined in! as if it was his fault! bless that pony-tailed wonder.
  • on a scale of one to ten, how serious do you take facebook invites? my morgan-friend invited me to her housewarming party on saturday + i completely missed it. but we were snap chatting the whole time?
  • lee daniels' the butler. (is that the full name? i'm assuming lee daniels is the director who does not want to go without credit?)(side note : if i directed a movie, you bet i would put my name in the title! i get you, lee daniels. i get you)(unless that movie was lady in the water...because that movie just sucked) you must see it! it was so moving. and oprah! hats off to you, lady! another bonus is realizing you are not the target audience while watching the previews. oops.
  • a boy in capri pants complimented my collection of ankle bracelets + began to tell me about how he too collected bracelets from all of his world travels; this one is from spain + this one is from new zealand and... i told him how i just got them from a store in moscow...idaho, that is...and how i have a patch of leg hair interwoven into them because it's impossible to shave underneath all that string. maybe i should start traveling?
  • i've been reading! i go through these phases where i am a reading machine + other times i don't ready anything. not even menus! was that funny? that wasn't funny. anyways, i am reading a million in a thousand years. it's so good. and that's all i have to say about it because i'm on like, page fifty.
  • i love fall. finally i can start making my body look like a box again! 
...maybe this one will make it to the mailbox? 

1

arm tickles.

Monday, September 9, 2013




i dole out my love fairly easily. i mean, i generally love people until they give me a good reason not to (like donning a foam finger to the vma's...and even then...) + will love any food you throw my way + ...actually, no. this is all foiled. i really don't like cats. onwards! i feel like i've been in love many times, but in many different ways + capacities. there was the, you play football + i need a date for homecoming! type of love that somehow lasted long past homecoming and the you're moving soon + i care about you enough to hang on till april for good face type of love and the you are really funny and have a moped! type of love that transitioned into you are a good friend type of love that quickly fizzled into you are the only person i know at this particular moment in life that watches workaholics + finds costco exciting type of love. 

it's all very romantic + rambly, no?

but i was never in-love until jeffrey stapleton.
oh, heavens. 

i remember the first time that i realized i was in love with him. we were watching we bought a zoo with all of his roommates in his tiny apartment + were squished together on a couch. he was wearing a dress shirt, tie, and jeans which i noted and found...interesting? what exactly was he doing? (he later admitted he was channeling joseph gordon-levitt in 500 days of summer and didn't quite achieve the look he was going for) it was endearing + weird all at the same time.

right in the middle of the movie, after matt damon turned distressed father turned zookeeper gave his son the speech about "20 seconds of insane courage", i lurched for his hand. oh the stomach flips! oh the excitement! he warmly greeted my hand with his hand + proceeded to tickle my arm. tickle my arm! my arm had never been tickled before! praise the land + the sea + this joseph gordon-levitt, arm tickling man next to me. i was in love. i had to be.

it was early on in our whirlwind relationship, but i felt so loved + cared after + why was he wearing a tie again? it was romantic in a sort of jeffrey stapleton type of way. 

and for the record, in the movie of my life at this very scene i request miss independent by kelly clarkson to be playing in the background. it's all so fitting. 

the end. 


5

seaYEAH!ttle.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

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going way back in time...

when our josh and rachel friends threw around the idea of seattle? in august? we jumped and clung on to it like a cat? do cats jump and cling on to things? we invited ourselves + plopped down our money for a hotel + you can't get out of this nooooow! 

and nearly a whole month later, i am still so glad that we clung on to that idea. it was so much fun! and also, that hotel was probably non-refundable? and can anyone think of a better metaphor for our unrelenting ways?

now here's seattle in pictures. lots of 'em!


// on the left, we have our fearless tour guide josh. we love our josh! he put up with my high maintenance travel requests like 'moderately healthy dinners' + a treat to follow (it's all about counterbalance, people) + a required nap time. because traveling is tiring. 

// wrong crowd? 

// sad panda man. kind of breaks your heart, no? 


// oooooh! the colors of the market...and that's all my commentary. but also, there were these really delicious mini donuts that jeff devoured both mornings that we were in the whereabouts of pike's place. they were overpriced. but jeff who is normally temperate in all that he does requested them twice for breakfast! that is something, no?!

// dudes, baseball is a long game. but ball-park food, despite its large price tag, ain't too shabby. also, yes. i am the child that whines for a mariners' shirt. mostly rachel (josh's wife + one of my favorite people. ever. every one need's a rachel) + walked laps around the stadium and stuffed our faces. ...go mariners?!



// kerry park! what a view. or something.

(by this time, i am sure most of you have given up on this post and scrolling so...phone picture time!)

// we met up with my jack + caitlyn friend from high school. they took us to dinner at bizzarro's (which was on diner's, drive-in's, and dives. rubbing elbows with guy fieri, and that's every one's dream!). and they paid for our bill. i feel like i must include that factoid because it was so, so kind. like, we ain't a cheap date! then we went to jack's place of work, molly moon's, and got free ice cream and watched all of jack's coworkers fawn over him. it was very endearing. then we sat by the lake and drifted off into the magical sunset of a successful double date (rare to come by!). 


// bellevue! 


// we attended the prettiest wedding at a house on lake tapps. it was amazing. amazing, i tell you. the couple jet skiied off into the dark abyss + we all cheered + then i poked and prodded to figure out what the heck the owner of this house does and how the heck can i join?! 


// and finally, on our last day there, i met up with brittany for breakfast. oh, brittany! she's actually the coolest + leaves you with the biggest gust of life from trying to keep up with her. ...also we gossiped about high school for about two whole hours. much needed.

// and the biggest thank you ever ever ever to josh and rachel. we had so much fun + will gladly travel sixteen hours in a car just to jam out to one direction + eat taco bell. 

 

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