the great pumpkin voyage!

before beginning the great pumpkin voyage, you need sustenance. carving a pumpkin is tiresome, you know? i suggest the roasted veggie burrito from mountain west burrito (and even if you don't love it, you must -- you hyped it up for three weeks straight, after all). 

then it's time to find the perfect pumpkin. you could go to a pumpkin patch...or you could go to a local grocery store, too. make sure to linger and couple-flirt with the cashier-man who will tell you that the most expensive pumpkin, no matter the size, will always be $3.07 because the scales are broken.

then protest the biggest pumpkin because what the heck are you going to do with it? how are you even going to move it to the car? 

 next you must hold true to your ground and refuse to carry it. if your male counterpart wants the most obnoxious pumpkin, he can dang well transfer it to and fro. eat a popsicle in the meantime. 

then...carve! and make sure you gut the pumpkin yourself. and pick the easiest design. and get sick on the way to the celebratory corn-maze. and end the night eating roasted pumpkin seeds and watching breaking bad in your fat pants.

the end.