on that day i woke up pregnant...

 today i woke up pregnant. i don't know how, i just did.

there were no real clear symptoms this morning, i suppose? i had missed my...ahem...lady-girl-visitor (that always overstays her welcome, mind you!), but that's 93% normal for me.

or maybe i just hadn't noticed these symptoms? webmd.com had me sold. extra salivation : check (drool dripped from my mouth to the keyboard); mood swings: extra check; frequent urination : only for the past 19 years! and pregnant brain? that explained my abhorrent grade on my stats test! suddenly the word was making sense again?

...because i was pregnant. i just had to be! my mind told me i was and therefore...i was. at first i was like OH SHOOT I CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF ANOTHER HUMAN? and then i was like BABIES ARE COOL!

i tip-toed around all day long, making sure not bump or jump or do anything too strenous (like studying...), because, like, i am a sacred vessel?

and boy, did i justify:

 an extra large handful of m&ms? don't mind if i do!

 a large wendy's chicken salad with EXTRA blue cheese and EXTRA glazed walnuts and three things of dressing i'm eating for two, sir!

running over to harmon's just for the free samples of cheese and white chocolate chip bread? silly cravings! pregnancy! 

leaving work extra early? hosting a human is tiring, you know?

and now what? what was next? what do pregnant people do? i started researching like crazy; 'perfectly trendy baby names',  'hypno-natural-water-birth', and 'casting calls for pregnant child-brides' (mtv and 'pregzilla'...you are weird). should i start nesting? maybe try and like babies more? should i make a facebook announcement and play the 'guess the gender' game? so much to do! so little time! grab the camera and let me start showing my bump to the world!

i texted my mom. she was wise and pregnant for like, 15 years straight. my mother was supportive...and skeptical? why exactly was i pregnant? and they give out extra blue cheese at wendy's now? have i taken a pregnancy test even?

...oh, that.

one quick trip to the dollar tree and a hand sopping with urine later (...apparently i have terrible aim?), and it turns out i'm not pregnant after all. but oh, was it fun to be. maybe i should make these a monthly adventure?

and for the record, i am still a sacred vessel. of diet coke and extra blue cheese and things.