the society of halloween-likers

i think the international society of halloween-likers heard my halloween grumpiness this morning. did i tell you i don't like halloween? i don't like halloween. but i did like this halloween.

this halloween, you see, was different. i almost felt like the byu student body decided that the theme for this year's costumes was 'brooke's favorite things.' link from legends of zelda was serenading me on the piano with the overworld theme, sporty spice was sitting three seats away from me in statistics, and there was a 'binder full of women' washing her hands in the bathroom. and i'm 30% positive i saw a few von trapp children? stop it halloween, now you're just showing off!

and my test was easy today? i answered questions with confidence? when does this happen!

this halloween (i've committed to bolding this...just go with it) i ate four servings of the most delicious tortilla soup from a chili cook-off at my work. even though tortilla soup isn't chili? and i even snuck some home to the jeff-man so i didn't have to cook dinner. because i do that so much anyways.

side-note: my work is fun and young and hip and decided to mandate dressing up. well, sort of. i didn't want to be a party pooper and poop on their party (gross...), so i scrambled for a costume five minutes before leaving. i decided to be a forest ranger. or maybe i was a girl scout leader? i really just ended up looking like a butch, if we're being frank.

see?

on the bright side, i was the designated candy-passer-outer for my side of the building and i think my ovaries about exploded from all the little kid cuteness. my favorite was a bashful little boy dressed up as the old man from up. or maybe it was the princess who responded "i know..." when i told her she was the prettiest princess in the whole wide world. be still my soul...

this halloween, we ended the night at a obligatory (but so cute and slightly spooky!) holiday-appropriate movie at the dollar theater paranorman. the send-home message was adorable-- people are different and we should love and listen to them, no matter how crazy we may think they are. plus there was some gay-tolerance subliminal messaging, or at least i'm almost sure, and that coupled with a large tub of popcorn never hurt anyone! and it was a little risque? but it's halloween. and risque, we shall!

so this is me throwing my hands up, dearest society of halloween-likers, because this halloween was actually pretty darn great. and now my sugar-high begins to fall...

happy halloween!

sucking on the marrow of life, i say!

sometimes late at night, i have the itch to stay awake until my eyes weigh thirty pounds. it's just one of the many weird parts of being brooke? i'm so spontaneous! and interesting! last night at eleven, i started to get the itch. i can feel it coming, you know. it usually starts with two bowls of cereal, heavy internet surfing, and a sudden urge to make a list and some rash decision. 

after a generous serving of honey bunches of oats (sadly, significantly better than the knock-off brand, come ON western family!) and a long stare into the mirror debating the state of my eyebrows, i needed a movie. i'm fairly high-maittenance when it comes to movie-watching. i only like watching movies in theaters with a large soda + popcorn combo (and i will always complain about the price), or at eleven p.m. on my computer. again, i'm spontaneous! and interesting!

i consulted the movie-lords and chose dead poets society...primarily based on the fact that it stared robin williams and i've never quite gotten over him in hook. you guys! my life is forever changed. or something like that? maybe i was just in a state of IT IS 2 A.M. delirium? 

but have you seen this movie? see this movie. 

oh captain, my captain. 

and another handful of candy corn, please?

today i feel like i am the literal manifestation of monday. my eyes are crusty, my hair is greasy, and my intestines are still mad at me for dinner at panda express on saturday (i'm sorry my sweet pancreas, blame jeff!). also i have a mad hankering for a long nap, two handfuls of candy corn, and three continous hours of how i met your mother.

we spent our weekend indulging in halloween festivities. ready, set, gasp: i really don't like halloween much. it might be the anxiety over finding the perfect costume? maybe the bad mix of my mood and refined sugar? or perhaps it's just the fact that i positively hate being scared.

we went to a haunted corn maze with friends...couple friends, mind you. the mazes were all fairly mediocre. i think we arrived right as they were winding down. most of the mazes only had a few people there to spook us...one of the 'spookers' i am 93% certain went to my high school (he was jamming to metallica and mumbling threats. verrrrrry teen-angsty). i was legitimately scared once (ONCE! and i am jumpy!)...and promptly fell on the ground? suffice it to say i would be the first to die in any scary movie. besides 'the house of wax' because paris hilton is in that, and i mean really?

on the bright side, we scored a free dinner nearly every night this weekend, bummed a free hot chocolate off our friends, and stuffed our faces with better-than-sex cake (i object!)(...most of the time!).

p.s. holiday season? is that you peeking your jolly head around the corner?

p.p.s. i'm listening to a podcast called wait, wait don't tell me and nancy pelosi, you are kind of funny!

promises for a daughter || happy birthday, mom!

this may sound silly, but i always tell jeff that my one wish in life is to have a daughter. and maybe a garden. and also a lightening-fast metabolism? but mostly a daughter.

i make little promises to the high heavens, too. they're bargains, almost.

promises like, 'i promise if you will give me a daughter, i will teach her that what really matters, what's really beautiful, is what's on the inside...but i will also have the dignity to share with her the powers of an under-wire bra, the importance of eyebrow maintenance  and the magic in m.a.c. makeup (and danger in the wrong shade of foundation + liquid eyeliner) at the appropriate times.'

promises like, 'i promise if you will give me a daughter, i will do my very best in shaping her to be a kind and gentle young lady and will protect her from all that's stinky and scary in the world for as long as humanly possible...but i will also let her get her heart broken if she must (and will give him-who-breaks-her-heart death glares into the eternities) and watch her make a few mistakes and bad haircuts.'

promises like, 'i promise if you give me a daughter, i will always, always be there for her-- i will be there at her mind-numbingly boring sixth grade graduation, at her middle-school choir concert where she mouths the words all-too-obviously, and perched on her bedside with chocolate chip pancakes and a good pep talk in tow when she is in one of her inevitable 'napping seven hours a day is normal, mom!' slumps that generally mean something more.'

promises like, 'i promise if you will give me a daughter, i will be her very best friend and sneak her out of school just to guzzle down 32 oz. of diet coke goodness and split appetizers at the over-priced peruvian restaurant a few times...but i will also be her mother and will lecture her till my voice is hoarse if i have to.'

but mostly, promises like 'i promise if you will give me a daughter and beat out the curse (i mean blessing!) of the all-boy-stapleton-streak, i will try and be half the mom that my mom was to me.'

happy birthday mom, you truly are the most wonderful creature. 

(p.s. yes, she was the cheerleading captain! her pep talks are extra peppy and usually end in 'GO LAKE OSWEGO LAKERS!')

(...and no,  i'm not pregnant. or trying. i'm like, thirteen years old, people!)

the great pumpkin voyage!

before beginning the great pumpkin voyage, you need sustenance. carving a pumpkin is tiresome, you know? i suggest the roasted veggie burrito from mountain west burrito (and even if you don't love it, you must -- you hyped it up for three weeks straight, after all). 

then it's time to find the perfect pumpkin. you could go to a pumpkin patch...or you could go to a local grocery store, too. make sure to linger and couple-flirt with the cashier-man who will tell you that the most expensive pumpkin, no matter the size, will always be $3.07 because the scales are broken.

then protest the biggest pumpkin because what the heck are you going to do with it? how are you even going to move it to the car? 

 next you must hold true to your ground and refuse to carry it. if your male counterpart wants the most obnoxious pumpkin, he can dang well transfer it to and fro. eat a popsicle in the meantime. 

then...carve! and make sure you gut the pumpkin yourself. and pick the easiest design. and get sick on the way to the celebratory corn-maze. and end the night eating roasted pumpkin seeds and watching breaking bad in your fat pants.

the end.

in which i admit that i love myself...

i have a confession to make. you ready to roll your eyes and call me a narcissist? okay. my confession: i love myself. 

told you you would roll your eyes! but let me start with a disclaimer: there are definite parts of myself i don't love; i don't love particular parts of my body or how i get grouchy after eating too much refined sugar (baking is basically banned over here; snacking on the dough is inevitable...and so is a meltdown) or my smile in pictures (like...what are you doing brooke?! and why is a cup always my prop of choice?!) or how everything i do is LOUD (wait, actually i don't mind that...it's kind of endearing?). 

but for the most part, i'm a big fan of myself. is this such a crime?!

(this picture is evidence that 1. i have a picture-face that's like...what? and 2. i reward myself. the target run was a reward for staying almost-the-whole-time at work...)

yesterday as i was walking out of the testing center, a girl was on the phone with her mom in utter hysterics about her score on her test. she was going on and on about how her bad score (a 73 percent!) was unacceptable and how she was never going to get in her major or have a career or get hit on while crying (just kidding, she didn't say that...but she probably won't. she wasn't the most attractive crier -- i feel you, sister!). meanwhile, i was doing a mini-celebration over FINISHING my statistics test and answering most all of the questions! i sat still for over an hour! double fist-pump!

as i walked home, i thought about the differences between me and that girl. when i got home, i admitted to jeff that i realized my unwavering love for myself has really gotten in the way of my academic success. actually, it has gotten in the way of success in general.

rarely, rarely do i push myself. 99.9% of the time i am perfectly content. and i rarely get mad or down on myself...i mean, i do. but mostly about really silly stuff like gaining weight or legitimately considering buying a pair of jeans with bedazzled pockets. and then i get over it and move on. are you feeling me? 

and now, proof:

• i rewarded myself for going to class everyday last week by skipping two classes this week? 
• because i have done tony horton's (I LOVE HIM!)(mini-brag...) p90x program for three weeks straight, i took a whole week off. and digressed. 
• the 8-week challenge has gone down the tube because 'i like myself too much.' 
• ...however, i did reward myself with frozen yogurt for actually sticking to it for two weeks.
• every time i sleep in past my alarm, i justify it to jeff with "my body just really needed it."
• ...i've cried over a test score maybe once? and that was probably because i got a paper-cut while turning it in.
• if it pertains to math, science, arm workouts, crafting, or sprinting...i'm happy with 'just finishing.'
• most all of the time i don't look at my test scores in fear of getting mad at myself for not getting mad at myself. did i make sense?
• i always set new years resolutions that i know i can complete so that i'll feel good about myself. 'don't kill anyone' and 'no tattoos' were apart of last years.
• ...i do the same thing with 'to-do' lists. i just write a bunch of stuff down that i've already done! the thrill of crossing stuff off instantly! 

oh heavens. i know, i know-- if i truly loved myself i would push myself, tony horton. i get it. but it's like...oops?

maybe i'll turn a new leaf this week and set some goals that really push myself. but probably not. 

in the mean time i'll just eat one big sandwich of mediocrity while happily staring at myself in the mirror.

the tale of aceit mcblade...

during our short stint in courtship, i got quick little glimpses of jeff's nerdiness. 

star wars quotes, lord of the ring fun facts, squeals over halo 4's preview and the free release of guild wars...you know, the like. 

i found it kind of cute and endearing. like, "he has this little nerdy side, how cute! and ironic! wonder if we can pass as hipsters yet?" 

like, i know. i bug myself too.

anyways: enter aceit mcblade. jeff's top-secret-but-not-secret-anymore (i received permission to share this!) alter ego on twitter in which he keeps up with all things nerdy that he doesn't want to 'publicly follow.'

the logic! 

i found out about this alias this morning when i opened my computer and GASPED thinking that some man had broken in in the middle of the night to check his twitter account? 

the logic!

should i be weirded out by this? i might join in and create one for myself in which i follow all the high schoolers from my hometown (what? they get in twitter-fights and stuff; that's juicy stuff!) and wendy williams.

what's your plan, gentlemen?

...some of us are just a little harder to please?

if you were to marry a jeff stapleton...

have you ever wondered if there is another person in the universe exactly like you? if there is another brooke-formerly-stapleton that bites her nails and slaps her forehead over it everyday and is generally low maintenance but is a super-snob over silly things like apples (pink lady only and honeycrisp if i have to). i wonder if there is another man just like my husbman? and thus! i present to you! (scroll! scroll! this was all build-up, scroll!)

if you were to marry a jeff stapleton, expect:

1. off-color comments muttered in total serious like "i mean, kanye west is my idol but i actually want to be scott disick" or "i have a few friendships completely founded on loving cheese."
2. and, on that note, grocery lists that always involve cheese (in any form: squirt-able, slice-able, or string-able), frozen burritos, and apple juice. always.
3. mirror and window gazes that are longer than socially acceptable. (i advise to leave these uninterrupted)
4. premature compliments that are so sweet but are they really sincere? you haven't even taken a bite yet, jeff? 
5. the most mind-boggling music selection. ever. (jeff has a loyalty problem; he is too loyal to bands. did you even know bowling for soup made other songs? and that weird al is still trying?)
6. long, and i mean LONG, and detailed reviews of grocery stores, television shows, movies, restaurants, and public bathrooms ("on a scale of 7/11 on university's bathroom to barnes & noble's, it's about a three."). 
7. the emergency brake pulled always and the house locked, even if you're in it.
8. laughter. mostly with him but sometimes at him.
9. a false-sense of confidence. if you marry a jeff stapleton, you might actually become less funny (gasp!). he is the best crowd. he will pee over cat videos and roll on the ground over a butt-joke. and your cooking will probably become worse, too (read #2 and #4...it's inevitable).
10. a whole lot of eyebrow raises because you must remember, you don't have much in common with jeff stapletons (besides that you both love fictional-character liz lemon, sourdough english muffins, thursdays, and each other), but that's what makes it fun, right? 

p.s. you're the luckiest. jeff stapletons are the best, after all. 

on that day i woke up pregnant...

 today i woke up pregnant. i don't know how, i just did.

there were no real clear symptoms this morning, i suppose? i had missed my...ahem...lady-girl-visitor (that always overstays her welcome, mind you!), but that's 93% normal for me.

or maybe i just hadn't noticed these symptoms? webmd.com had me sold. extra salivation : check (drool dripped from my mouth to the keyboard); mood swings: extra check; frequent urination : only for the past 19 years! and pregnant brain? that explained my abhorrent grade on my stats test! suddenly the word was making sense again?

...because i was pregnant. i just had to be! my mind told me i was and therefore...i was. at first i was like OH SHOOT I CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF ANOTHER HUMAN? and then i was like BABIES ARE COOL!

i tip-toed around all day long, making sure not bump or jump or do anything too strenous (like studying...), because, like, i am a sacred vessel?

and boy, did i justify:

 an extra large handful of m&ms? don't mind if i do!

 a large wendy's chicken salad with EXTRA blue cheese and EXTRA glazed walnuts and three things of dressing i'm eating for two, sir!

running over to harmon's just for the free samples of cheese and white chocolate chip bread? silly cravings! pregnancy! 

leaving work extra early? hosting a human is tiring, you know?

and now what? what was next? what do pregnant people do? i started researching like crazy; 'perfectly trendy baby names',  'hypno-natural-water-birth', and 'casting calls for pregnant child-brides' (mtv and 'pregzilla'...you are weird). should i start nesting? maybe try and like babies more? should i make a facebook announcement and play the 'guess the gender' game? so much to do! so little time! grab the camera and let me start showing my bump to the world!

i texted my mom. she was wise and pregnant for like, 15 years straight. my mother was supportive...and skeptical? why exactly was i pregnant? and they give out extra blue cheese at wendy's now? have i taken a pregnancy test even?

...oh, that.

one quick trip to the dollar tree and a hand sopping with urine later (...apparently i have terrible aim?), and it turns out i'm not pregnant after all. but oh, was it fun to be. maybe i should make these a monthly adventure?

and for the record, i am still a sacred vessel. of diet coke and extra blue cheese and things.

conferencing.

some mornings i wake up crusty. my face, eyes, hair, even my SOUL feels crusty! exclamation point! i always wonder why this is? this happens often (...mondays..), and i have mastered the remedy: diet coke, shower and face SCRUB, and a large helping of sriacha (you guys, i am on such a kick! my sinuses are like 'hey! we are awake!'). 

...i'm lost in translation. what was my point again? this was all supposed to be some drawn-out metaphor? 

ah, yes. this weekend my soul was 'de-crusted' and awakened. conference was exactly what i needed. i was feeling a little 'crusty' lately, you know what i mean?

i am still suffering from a case of the tingles (vow: i will never use that expression again...) over the new mission age requirements; boys can serve at eighteen and girls can serve at NINETEEN. this is huge. i have told both my sisters that they better be serving missions and am so giddy for my lady friends. 

i was talking to my avery-friend about conference and she remarked how she loved the urgency they conveyed -- learn to live now, learn to serve now, heed to promptings now, turn to the lord now. how did you not want to jump out of your seats and figure out who the heck you were supposed to be visiting teaching for the past two months anyways? (...i'm meeting with her tonight! DE-CRUSTED!)

if you missed a session or are just plain curious, watch/read/listen here. it will awaken your soul more than sriacha and diet coke, i promise.

"life is not meant to only be appreciated in retrospect." -- dieter f. uchtdorf (silver fox extraordinaire)(did you guys just die picturing him and his wife riding their bikes? too cute for words.)

p.s. it was so special to have my nikki-friend with me. nikki converted to the church just last april (april, right?) and has had unwaivering dedication to the church and the lord. she's now at byu-idaho. and will kick your butt in golf. and is single? wait, what?

 

things i want my sisters to know.

 "he has not forgotten you. whatever sin or weakness or pain or struggle or trial you are going through, he knows and understands those very moments. he loves you. and he will carry you through those moments." -- sister linda s. reeves, relief society general broadcast

(p.s. it's the weekend! basically, sort of!)

(p.p.s. i think i'd quite like to go back to jamaica with my jeffrey man right about now?)

things i am grateful for...

one: my dreamboat, jeffrey. did i tell you we have been married for two whole months now? well, we have. this past month of marriage was especially great. i feel like things have just gelled. we are no longer moving things in or worrying about wedding details or dying of OHMYGOSHGROSS-ing too hard when the other passes gas or leaves a hairball in the shower. you know what i mean? and we have so much fun together. oh, do we have fun. doing...nothing? i love that. now, enough about him!

two: bed bath and beyond out of my ears! i thought that we had used up all of our store credit and then BAM! found these puppies in one of my pockets. oops? i promptly treated myself to a....VITAMIX! it was a purchase mostly founded on my love for the vitamix man at costco, he is always so charming and enthusiastic...always.

three: did you guys watch the relief society general broadcast? i missed it on saturday due to traveling so i watched it on tuesday. i felt like each talk had a paragraph or two that was meant for me to hear -- i felt so uplifted. now i am antsy for conference! ...uchtdorf...silver fox.

four: texas roadhouse TWICE in one week is a bad idea for the thighs, but seeing my lovely cousins (and morgan) is always good for the soul. eww...i was trying really hard on that last sentence. the point is: i love these ladies and the laughs we have.

five: summer lovin' is real. SO many birthdays these past few days! happy birthday to sydney, annabel, morgan, beau, and sean. and can we talk about costco cake? i am sorry, sugar fast! i am sorry!

six: my morgan dates. and my cubby dates. and my cubby dates with morgan.

seven: SWEATER WEATHER! and layering weather! and colder weather! (and yes, i am in the bathroom and not really wearing any layers nor a sweater...i just liked my outfit, okay?)(maggie's post proved i am not the only human being that does this -- you guys snap pictures of cute outfits too, right?)

eight: whenever i see my friends, i always leave laughing and sweating, but that's besides the point. i remember a married-friend telling me that once you get married, you will never see your friends again. the thought was haunting! thankfully, mine haven't disappeared. or died. or ran away. thanks, friends! but seriously, i love that i live so close to a few of them (avery and morgan) and am able to see and chat with them on the daily. jeff just doesn't understand the importance of celebrity gossip, you know?

and have i told you i love october?

and then we went to moscow...

 if jeff were to give mate-seeking advice, i think it would go something like this: "marry a woman who is an orphan. or doesn't speak with her family. or lives in a foreign country." 

poor baby got suckered into driving the not-so-quick twelve hour drive to moscow last weekend with me. i was craving some family time and some northern idaho goodness! we left late thursday and bunked in mccall (we couldn't take the final three hour leg!) and left early sunday morning. it was so good to see my family and my sweet mother did ALL of our laundry. i'm talking sheets, towels, rugs...the whole deal. and isn't there something dreamy about a full fridge and pantry? i swooned every time i opened the door.

my camera was an afterthought to the whole trip -- i only snapped pictures during the car ride because, well, the license-plate games gets REAL boring after a few hours. but some of the highlights of our quick little trip were eating (no, but seriously; eating out, eating in, eating here, eating there...i felt like we squeezed so many calories in such a little time!), watching my siblings' games, and realizing SHOOT! i am young. ha. i didn't feel one bit older! when is it going to hit me that i am not in high school? go bears!

thanks for having us, family! (and thank you jeff for being the literal best person in the world -- forever my favorite car ride partner...but seriously, guys, he is!)