Brooke as the role of JV Mama. An abominable performance.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

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a front-cam church portrait that about sums up our week. 

For years, I have held this belief in the very core of me that I will, eventually, be a good mom. I mean, I have been realistic about it (this is the very core of me, remember? There's no room for B.S. there) and knew I wouldn't be head of the P.T.A. and 57% of my future children's diets would undoubtedly consist of microwave meals and quesadillas with a laughable amount of burnt cheese (side note : I watched a Blake Lively interview where she said burnt cheese was her favorite food. Blake Lively!). But I had this feeling I would be good at it and nurturing and patient.

This past week, the very core of me was shattered. 
My parents, perhaps thoughtlessly, cast me as the role of 'J.V. Mom' while they vacationed in Kauai (the use of the verb 'vacationed' just makes everything seem more glamorous, no?). My directions were to keep my sisters fed and loved (being 12 is hard. I GET IT).

I FAILED. Miserably. I mean, they are alive and well. Sort of.
The first night was great! I took my sisters out to dinner + felt like a divorcee trying to win the love of my distant-children through garlic twists and zeppoles. Or like Julia Roberts in Stepmom. Or something.

Duck faces. They happen. 

The rest of the week was...well, it was great but I royally failed playing the role of : Sister acting as Parent Figure. It was a tough character to nail down. McKenzie ate an unspeakable amount of McDonald's and had a Lunchable every. single day. for lunch (by choice, mind you. That gives you a taste of her faith in my cooking). More than once I pulled over the car while playing the part of : Car Pool Mom + begged couldn't you please just walk? Can't I please just get a break? When is nap time? (...angrily, with less pleases) Also I am fairly certain I shrunk all the laundry or else every one in the house just gained 16 pounds. Which I wouldn't doubt because, well, McDonalds.

But! I contributed a few things. Like a sharpened eyebrow pencil (you are welcome, Paige), the new Taylor Swift CD (I ain't above it. I love her.), some highly unrequested sexual education lessons, and a caffeine-free, sugar-free Dutch Bros discovery. Also one night I repeated the 'You is smart...' speech from The Help to Kenz fifteen times over while stroking the top of her head. Her life is changed.

To sum this up || I pray to the Heavens that I don't get pregnant any time soon and birth two teenagers because the critics gave me negative stars as the role of Junior Varsity mother and think I should stick to my regular roles like : Irresponsible 21 Year Old who had an Expired Driver's License for Over 11 Months because I kick butt at that role.

Also McKenzie told my mom that we 'didn't eat much.' MCDONALD'S!



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