mama's day + a declaration of love to my own mama.

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here's a secret: sometimes, especially after i have eaten more than i should and the pooch is out to play, i like to pretend i'm pregnant. no, but seriously. i'll hold my stomach and look down i'll lovingly and give a little sigh as if to say, i just can't wait to meet you in five short months, my little macaroon. it's kind of disgusting and horrifying and, while i'm here, this is my a public declaration to never refer to my child as a french-cookie (that kind of suck, don't you think? the hype around those things! head-scratchingly successful! they are like the baked goods version of  matthew mcconaughey!)(though he was mildly decent in lincoln lawyer, i'm told). 

shoot, where was i going with this?

oh! yes! yesterday i didn't even have to employ my master plan of having a pregnancy scare to swindle a meal or five out of jeff stapleton. no, jeff stapleton was on it! i woke up to breakfast in bed (...also head-scratchingly successful...it's so uncomfortable. syrup flying everywhere, juice toppling over; i'm not coordinated enough for that jazz). 

eggs 'cause i have eggs to be specific. and i really don't know if there was some hidden message behind the banana? mayhaps?

and now for some pictures of me. bra-less. you are welcome. 

 

i felt like such a mama's day imposter. but then i was like, what the heck! although i am not a mama, i am well-equipped for it with my wide-set hips, evil-eye, and lady-parts, of course.

because that's all you need to be a mama, right? ;)

when i think about motherhood, i feel seriously overwhelmed. i can hardly keep track of myself, how am i supposed to keep track of another person?! there is so much a need to do and learn! how to do calm a baby down and how to put them to sleep and my boobs are going to do what (?!) and how much is it goign to hurt and diapers cost how much?!? 

good. hell. 

but then i think about my mama. oh, i seriously hope everyone has a kim mosman in her life. now that i've gotten older, i've realized how totally i took her for granted. all those years of lunches made to my exact order and homework drop-offs and homecooked meals and laundry folder and put away! but mostly, i think i took her unwavering friendship and support for granted.

i grew up knowing that my mom was kick-a but i also, sort of believed that everyone else's moms were almost as cool. that everyone else's mother would rather poke their eyeballs out then miss a sporting event. that everyone else's mother would help rub self-tanner on the parts that they couldn't reach (ha!). that everyone else's mother knew the exact and precise remedy for a bad day and would show up right when they needed them...like in supply closets at school!* 

mom, you are my nearest and dearest friend. you have made motherhood look so fun and i feel anxious, like a dog on a leash at a dog park (hashtag brooke attempts a metaphor...errr, simile), to join in. eventually. like, not any time soon-soon but soon. i am so thankful for your example to me and your support and love through all of my awkward stages and fleeting interests. you are the best.

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*no seriously. this happened. i was senior class president (...drops mic...) and was stressed out over planning a silly dance that i didn't even want to go to. the principal wasn't understanding me and my vision (i was such a douche) and i was so annoyed. so, so annoyed. oh the drama! oh the tragedy! i walked to the downstairs bathroom of my high school to maybe have my first at-school cry. it was so ceremonious! how do i even start it?! right as i was about to turn on the water works, my mom walks out of the supply closet! ha! she was grabbing some things or something? i'm just going to hold firm to my belief that she is three parts wizard. i hid in their for a period and let out a few deep sighs. and that's my story.