i'm an artichoke, apparently.

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when jeff was falling in love with me (imagine me saying this with a flip of the hair and a little shimmy at the end), he told me that i was kind of like an artichoke. yes, an artichoke. i was sort of...off-putting at first. i was like nothing he'd ever seen before + he didn't really know what to think of me. but then! then he figured me out! oh! dip in buttery goodness! don't eat the whole leaf! what was life without artichokes?

yeah, the whole thing was kind of a stretch and for the most part i just stared at him with really wide eyes, waiting for the conversation to end so we could, i don't know, make out or something + forget the fact that he had ever likened me to an unopened flower head. 

since then, i've gotten a bit desensitized to all of the strange comments that fly out of jeff's mouth. but sometimes, sometimes, after i've had a long day at work or we've been apart for awhile, i'll come home and be reminded of just how much some of his commentary deserves an eyebrow raise or three.

while cooking dinner: "you know, ever since i found out that salmonella probably won't kill you and will really only get you sick, i just don't really care that much..."

while watching sister wives: "extreme couponers would make the best sister wives..."

while leaving to go workout at 11 p.m.: "it takes me thirteen hours to wake up in the morning. at night it's hello! there's my personality!"

while listening to a radio ad in which you could win a trip to paris + hang out with adam levine: "if i won the trip, i would pull a scott disick and stand him up at lover's bridge."

while watching sister wives (again): "cody brown (the husband of the four wives) is a better man than i am meeting all those women's needs. well, kind of. he is a polygamist."

while talking about the fourth grade: "i was the coolest kid in my class. i peaked too early; been downhill since."

while lingering in the cheese aisle: "i once had a friendship that was founded entirely on a mutual love for cheese."

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oh, jeff.