yep, i'm pregnant(!!!!!!!!!!).

WELL HELLO! now i feel like i can finally blog. i wanted to keep my pregnancy under wraps for as loooooong as possible + felt like anything i ever drafted out felt so...maternal. and transparent. it was like, 'today is great + I AM GROWING A PERSON + i love diet coke. kardashians.'

but now i'm here! and pregnant!
i am so, so excited + already so, so protective. in my dream world, i would escape to an island + have a viewing ceremony three years later + everyone's hands would be thoroughly sanitized + my kid would probably still be in a glass case. IT IS WEIRD. I KNOW. and no, it's not because 'i am ashamed, or something?' -- thank you stranger on a plane for asking. how dare you. also please excuse me because i have to pee for the sixteenth time on this red eye flight. nope. honestly, i just felt like it was SO important + i was SO excited + whenever i actually care about something, i have a r e a l l y hard time talking about it.

it's all a complex, I KNOW. i could tell a perfect stranger about the one time i *may or may not have* had a complete stomach explosion while driving my brother-in-law's car 70 mph in exercise pants. but ask me what i want to do in five years or about my family/marriage/religion? crickets.

this all a long way to say : nope, not ashamed(????? still so floored at that comment). in fact! SO EXCITED! like, i think about being a mom + what is the best stroller? am i eating enough? can you order hand sanitizer by the truck load? what should i name him? what is he going to be like? is he going to be cute? will he like me? how do i discipline? these are my thoughts. all day long. i. can't. wait. i am so lame.

...but also do you want to hear about the time i had a complete stomach explosion while driving my brother-in-law's car...?