Discuss! // BROOKE'S BRAIN

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A few matters to  discuss here at Simply Brooke (remember when I was newly married + changed the name to Simply Us for two + a half weeks? CRINGE).

1. THE YOUTH : I subbed a middle school class the other week + was told I looked like a girl on The Bachelor. I didn't know quite how to take it  BUT I, of course, took the opportunity to talk about The Bachelor freely only to be met by SHOCKED stares. A girl screamed from across the room, "YOU WATCH THE BACHELOR?!" + then started going off about how it was so weird for an adult to watch that show + WHAT?!?

...wait. WAIT! You are thirteen. It is more shocking that YOU watch that show. ALSO! I am not that old! ALSO! The Bachelor is MY show more than YOUR show. Oh. My. Goodness. Guys, I was fuming! She proceeded to insult my pop-culture intelligence by asking if I listened to Beyonce + knew the member of One Direction. HONEY! CHILD! I have like, three things going for me + a wide knowledge of all things pop-culture is one of them. I WAS SO INSULTED.

THE YOUTH!
Also! A kid in the class was named Chandler + I asked if his parents watched Friends + he had never even heard of it.
I wanted to just throw out the lesson plan + turn it into a School of Rock type lesson because HOW HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF FRIENDS?

And if you are wondering, I have seen School of Rock upwards of 3,409 times. We used to have like, five movies at our lake shack + two of were copies of School of Rock. CELLO! You have a bass!

Avery + I went to Yogurtland last night + our near identical concoctions weighed the EXACT same.

The cashier pointed it out + we were oddly excited. TWINS.

2. WHAT DO I WATCH : I feel lost without Friends playing constantly in the background. What do I watch, people? Gilmore Girls? More Dance Moms? Help.

3. WHAT DO I EAT + DO : I always need to be moving. Except for when I'm binge-watching something/if Real Housewives of Anywhere is on, in that case, I'm good. I blame my hyper-activity on undiagnosed ADHD + too much caffeine. Maybe. I just get bored so quickly staying in the same place + always want to GO, GO, GO! 
Anyways, last night around midnight I started booking hotels + planning trips for spring.
The line-up includes short trips to Vegas + St. George with a trip to Idaho, Arizona, California, + GEORGIA in the mix.  I should not be trusted during the wee hours of the morning. Officially. BUT! I am so excited!
I need help, though. Where are some good places to eat in St. George, Arizona, +/or Vegas?
Also how do I dress for humidity?
Also how do I watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills online?

HELP ME!

4. LADY GAGA AT THE OSCARS : I LOVE THE SOUND OF MUSIC! In my dreams, I am Liesl Von Trapp + I only communicate through telegrams. Stop. Ha. She's the original mega-babe. But LADY GAGA. I was so happy! She looked so normal + wasn't in a giant egg + sounded SO GOOD.

5. MY BUDDIES GOT ENGAGED : My brother-in-law Kevin is ENGAGED to my friend Kenna + I am still so happy about it. The end. Also they're getting married in Tennessee + I keep talking about it to everyone. It's fine.

6. LEMONADE HURTS COMING THROUGH THE NOSTRILS : I was sipping a Chick Fil A sugar-free lemonade while perusing Cotton On WHILE talking to my sister. Multi-tasking. She was recounting a funny story from this summer involving in which I got TAKEN OUT by a skim boarder (hahahahah) + I was laughing so hard that I started gasping for air + lemonade was getting everywhere. Sorry Cotton On.

7. SALMON + HONEY + CHILI POWDER/CHIPOTLE + FRIED BANANAS : Yum. Made it tonight. Yum.

...the end. But also I just popped on Gilmore Girls out of curiosity + I think I found the answer to number two. I'm ultra excited that the harp player in the pilot is the teacher from The Lizzie McGuire Movie...also I'm just now realizing what a terribly lazy movie title that was.
Almost as cringe-worthy as 'Simply Us.'
And now we're back.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...

I forget to wash the deep conditioning oil treatment out of my hair before shooting an engagement/proposal session. HA! It was horrendous looking.

I'm an hour and a half late to work + try to use wit and charm to make the situation better. Unsuccessfully. Also, a word to the wise : when you are running late to work, don't come in with a fresh fountain drink. It doesn't help the whole I was driving as fast as I could! argument.

I bump into people I know + love at Target (HI JESS!) + interrupt their shopping for 45 minutes by making them tell me everything I am good at + what I should do with my life...because WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

I browse homes online in all the places Jeff says he might want to live and work for hours at a time.

I plan to go on a run all day + then trip down my stairs as I am walking outside + say "SCA-REW THIS!" + walk back inside. Woops.

I play therapist to a herd of seventh graders. Guys, I am not kidding. I was running + a bunch of kids started running alongside me as a joke/dare. It was funny for the first ten minutes and then THREE MILES later I was like, wow. Commitment.

I just want to talk about The Bachelor + nail polish + Miley Cyrus + that's it. But I have to pretend to be a person of depth. Hrmph.

I decide I want a dog! A DOG! and send my landlord a five page letter about how grateful I am that he is letting us live here and what a great experience it has been and how a dog would really be a stepping stone into parenting for me + my husband and how is your mom? and yadda yadda yadda only to get a reply ONE MINUTE LATER that says, I kid you not, "No dogs." + that's it.
Oh.
Okay.

I drive through my soda dealer + they ask if I'd like my usual.

I crack my phone to the point of no return + don't realize it till eight hours later. WAIT! MY PHONE! CRACKED ALL DAY!

T H E E N D .

I'd hereby like a redo.

Today was a woof.
After completely sleeping through my alarm, I woke up in a panic at 8 a.m. + said a string of curse words because I had missed a subbing job at 7:15 a.m. Shoot. After calling the school, they told me they had another person come in. Woof. Then! My scheduling team called me + assigned me to a different job...at the same school I just blew it with...
 I called my mom on the way there and she told me to diffuse the awkwardness with my wit and charm. Moms, am I right? I walked into the office + apologized 55 times + then started getting chummy with the attendance lady telling her I felt like a high schooler again + that my mom will be calling soon with a made-up excuse of why I am late...wink wink. WOOF! That did not go over well. She yelled. I cowered. Oops.

On the bright side, a kid asked if I was white today which is always a stroke to my fake-tanning ego.

That's all.

Also, The Bachelor. Mixed feelings about Brit, mixed feelings about Carly. That was such a strange situation. Also JADE! Ha! The face Chris made while she was showing him her...errr, past? Self? Masterpiece? GOOD TELEVISION.

valentine's with my valentine //

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Jeff Stapleton planned our Valentine's this year + proved that he so, so gets me.
He reserved us a racquetball court where we played a game chock full of sweat, blood, profanity + lots of rule-Googling. I assumed the other people playing on the courts next to us were just as into their game as we were but when I walked out to get a drink, I quickly realized we were the only ones taking it seriously + throwing my racquet against the wall out of frustration might have been a bit much. But what is Valentine's day without a little competition + lots of shots to the throat?!

Woof.

We walked home + got a giant soda + ordered a sickening amount of cheap sushi for a 4:30 dinner. I'm going to say it : sushi is one of those things that you shouldn't try to be frugal about. You know? Because when it is bad, it is bad. All bolded. We overate + felt sick + ended the night watching YouTube videos (I watched Too Many Cooks for the first time ever. I would like 11 minutes of my life back now) + Friends.

Early dinner, soda, semi-justified cursing + an all out war of a competition : my type of Valentine's Day. Three cheers, Jeffrey!

Brain dump + the return of the running selfie ||

Oh. My. I just finished Parenthood last night + bawled. Has there ever been a more touching finale in the history of television? I just love Zeek so much it is actually concerning. I sat on my bed with tears streaming down my face as Jeff stood in the doorway completely confused. Ha. It was just so good! I felt closure + like, yay! Everyone is taken care of! Everything is going to be okay! But also as a self-appointed Braverman, I felt sad that I wouldn't see them again. OH! MY! GOSH! Now I want to cry all over again.

Also can we talk about The Bachelor? This season has been especially great. I feel like my hat goes off to the producers for making such good television...but now can we have a follow up show about Kelsey? Woof. When she was just staring at Ashely I. (with the eyelashes) I truly felt uncomfortable. Was that whole date centered around the confrontation? Like, what exactly were they planning to do in the middle of nowhere with just a four post bed and some wine? That dirty dog. Just kidding. But also the helicopter get-away was so dramatic and perfect. Also I'm obsessed with Kaitlyn Bristowe. Voting her for Bachelorette.

ANYWAYS! What else? I've been running more as of late. I stupidly talked my Nikki friend into running the Provo City marathon with me in May. Ha. I feel like this could segue into a whole new ramble about how Nikki is the perfect friend to talk into anything. Truly anything. I remember one time we played a game where we closed our eyes + got dropped off in the middle of nowhere with no phones and had to find our way back. Every one needs a Nikki.

Anyways, running. I feel like there is this strange correlation between running + the amount of selfies I take. Like, look at this madness (all separate days, all in the same shirt + sports bra. Different wads of gum. Laundry is hard okay?) :

Hahahahaha. It's embarrassing. Every day after I finish my run I snap a sweaty picture to myself + send it to Jeff and he responds, "Yay! Go you!" half-heartedly. It just feels right.

Anyways. The end.

HEY! Family pictures on a Thursday.

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Hey! It's my family!

Look and scroll and scroll and look.

Without further adieu : family pictures. Taken in under thirty minutes. In seven degree weather.

Woop, there it is!

Also scrolling through these pictures makes me wonder what I should do with my hair? Grow it out? Chop it off? Color it darker? Lighter? ...also these pictures make me miss my family. Because I do have a heart. Ha.

TODAY || Little snippets

It feels like spring right now in Utah. Today I ran in a t-shirt + shorts + felt comfortable. Well, not totally comfortable -- I haven't ran in months + forgot how hard it is. WOOF. My legs. They burn. If you are still reading this sentence then you win a gold medal for putting up with my subtle bragging. Let me be more blunt : I WENT RUNNING! I am proud! Fitness!

Anyways : Wednesday. Spring. Utah. Why am I so skeptical of this good weather? And low gas prices? Is the world about to come to an end? I think it might be which is why I am binge-watching Parenthood at a rapid speeds. Or something.

IN OTHER NEWS : Morgan came over today + we laid on the couch with a candle burning *re-watching* The Bachelor. Also I feel it necessary to explain we were laying on separate couches + the candle was purely for smell, not ambience. In case you are wondering, Morgan does the best impression of Ashley I. (Kardashley). Please, if you ever see her, have her do it for you.

THE END.

GLOBETROTTERS!! //

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Last night we went on a double date. If you were wondering, it's our third in two weeks! WHAT! We are so proud of ourselves. Like, SO proud. I suppose it's only two because one of them was a Superbowl party with the Smith's (heartbreak for the Hawks...)(but hi, Tom Brady keeps it tight...) but HEY! Vast improvements! Social butterflies! WE. ARE. FUN. DANGIT.

Anyways, we went to see the Globetrotters with Avery + her man boy. I was secretly cheering for The Generals + kept Googling each player's salary + information because HOW IS THAT A JOB?! And the abuse The Generals have to put up with?! Can you imagine that interview?!

Okay so you're hired. The job entails losing every time we play + putting up with our antics. You in or what? 

I'm such a fun sucker.
Anyways : The Globetrotters. The night ended with soft-serve + Jackson 5 + Jeff + I high-fiving each other for leaving the house.


GO GENERALS!

(don't read if you don't watch Friends) // FRIENDS

HAPPY MONDAY! Don't read this post if you don't watch Friends.
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I love Friends (the show)(...and actual friends, too). I can watch any episode at any time + audibly guffaw from laughter. I recently watched it completely through with Jeff + now he is watching it over...again. I feel like a proud parent (which is fortunate for my children because the bar is low. Indulge in my favorite TV shows + my heart might burst open with pride).

I like to pretend that I am 80% Rachel, 10% Joey and 10% Phoebe + ruthlessly try to get Jeff to see all the similarities while we watch.
See how Rachel returns everything? I ALWAYS return everything. Hey? Hey?
BUT! Jeff informed me yesterday that I am Cheryl from Season 4, The One with Ross and the Dirty Girl. Ha! I get it. I'm messy. But you see how Rachel returns everything? I return everything...

And can we talk about Ross. Particularly ROSS IN SEASON 10! Oh my word. ROSS IN SEASON 10. All caps. Again. Ross has episodes, especially in the first few seasons, where he drives me nuts + is so whiny. BUT! Then he gets better. And better. And then season ten happens + I'm falling off the treadmill watching The One Where Ross is Fine + he is making FAJITAS! Also when he plays the keyboards? I die. When he gets the spray tan? OH MY HECK. I'M AN 8!

Okay, okay, okay. I'll stop now. Or, at least, try to. I keep starting every sentence with do you watch Friends? and if that's a flop I switch to do you like The Bachelor? and if that's a flop, I realize I am talking to a person with actual depth + start to feel my palms sweat. 

I'M MAKING FAJITAS! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENZ!

Happy birthday + a million fireworks/Niall Horans to my baby sister Kenzie!
She's thirteen today + if you see her give her a big, slobbery kiss on the face.

P.S. Why wasn't I this cute when I was thirteen?
P.P.S. I wish you all could know my sisters because they are so funny.
P.P.P.S. Why isn't The Thirteenth Year on Netflix? I'M A MER-MAN.