Marriage tips for the masses : Keep yo' girlfriends.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I think I've written about this before, but whatever.
I've been married for a whole two and a half years. Practically five years, almost a decade. Almost ;). I don't know everything about marriage. At all. But I know a few things + am fascinated by the whole institution itself. Like! Think about it! You are picking your teammate for life. It's wildly daunting but also quite simple. You know? Like, you're a person, they're a person + you're just navigating a life together. I think I've really stripped all the romance out of marriage but that's what I'm here for, right? (also, after re-reading, I must confirm : I am not high right now. I feel like this all sounds like stoner-esque wisdom)

Here's one of my unsolicited marriage tips for the masses : keep yo' girlfriends + make time for them.

This may seem so obvious, but hey!

Before I begin : I am totally happy in my marriage. Jeff is truly one of my best friends. He's the chronically positive + calm Jerry to my sometimes frantic, often erratic Elaine. Or something. That metaphor might be a stretch. Maybe more the Phil to my Claire? My family thinks Jeff is a Phil. Which I adore.

Anyways. At the end of the day, he's a guy. Jerry, Phil, Jeff. Guys.
He doesn't really care about my nail polish or understand why I watch fifteen hours of vlogs on the YouTube or want to gossip about Andi + Josh breaking up (actually, he did have some good insight on that one). He doesn't truly enjoy mindlessly wandering Target + I can see the fear in his eyes when we walk into Forever21.
But my girlfriends? They get it.

I read in The Happiness Project this summer that a woman's loneliness has nothing to do with her interaction with males (her husband, boyfriend, male attention) and instead has everything to do with how much interaction she is getting with other women. Girl power, am I right?

Take yesterday, for instance. I went to get smoothies + chat with my friends Jen + Morgan. We pounded our smoothies + harassed the teen boy working there + then flopped on Jen's couch + dissected our lives and insecurities and airport horror stories and sexual blunders (ha). I left feeling so full and exhausted and uplifted. Good girlfriends polish you off and then send you back into life. You know?

This is just one long way of saying that while your husband/boyfriend/lover-pants can be your everything, they can't fill every void in your life. Or maybe this is all one long way of saying that lesbians have been right all along. Take it as you will.



  1. I started a new book recently that made me think of you - similar sense of humor and funny enough, about this same topic. I'm only a few chapters in but I think you would love it. It's called MWF seeking BFF: my yearlong search for a new best friend by Rachel Bertsche. I'd love to hear what you think of it.

    1. I'm going to head to the library tomorrow to get it -- I can't wait!!!

  2. I agree! A well-balanced social life works wonders on one's marriage. Your partner should be on the top of the hierarchy, but it's important that you make time for your friends as well. That way, they won't feel like you're casting them aside. Just imagine what a happy marriage and a great circle of friends will amount to, if each and everyone of us is in harmony like that. Anyway, thanks for sharing that, Brooke! All the best to you! :)

    Stephanie Waters @ Chastaine Law


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