jude william stapleton //

APRIL 22nd, 2016

The day Jude entered the world was the same day Jeff graduated (he got all gussied up, walked, got his diploma + off to the hospital we went) which feels sort of symbolic? Right?
 I had been in labor for 40 something hours (I wanted to go naturally)(...ask me now how I feel...)(#epiduralsforever) + was starting to feel it. Actually, no. I was far past 'feeling it' + headed straight for 'yelling at random strangers at Del Taco.'  Woof. My dreams of doing this all Paltrow-y were really seeming far off. WHO WAS I KIDDING? Also, let it be known, I watched Bravo reruns during this entire time. 40 hours of contractions, 40 hours of Real Housewives, Southern Charm, and, you know I was desperate, Shahs of Sunset.

When we finally got to the hospital + got all situated (...and drugged. So drugged. Thank you modern medicine), we flipped on the TV + watched Fixer Upper for a few hours while Jeff ate thai food + we soaked in the last few minutes of not being parents + started getting the urge to shiplap everything. They gave me some pitocin + within minutes I was ready to push. I WAS ELATED.

Jeff grasped my hand + my mom rubbed my head + we all avoided looking in the giant mirror they wheeled in(!!!!!!) + it was go-time. After four hearty pushes, he was on my chest and I was sobbing uncontrollably + was a mother. It was the most emotional experience of my whole life. He felt so new + heavenly but also overwhelmingly familiar. Ah. It is unexplainable. It was so, so beautiful. It felt like I was hit by a bus with the amount of love I felt in that very moment.
And now he is three + a half months + snoozing in the room right next to me.
LIFE. IS. SO. CRAZY. (and so good)(most of the time)

Jude Willam, I love you more than anything + everything + all the things times a trillion. You are my world. I vacillate between wanting you to stay itty bitty forever (the coos! the smell! the sweetness!) + wanting to speed up time so I can show you all the great things in the world (like Mt. Dew with grape flavoring + Jimmy Fallon + potato chips in sandwiches + the lake in August).
Love you forever.

mushy gush.

this year i gave jeff a lunchable + strawberry sobe for valentine's day.
he is a SIMPLE man + always tells me that's all he wants so! i listened!
i love my funny valentine.

valentine's weekend // california

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this weekend we skipped town with my sister + headed for some warmth + some in-law mooching. viva california! (...we are the moochiest) it was SO nice to lay in the sun + get a tan. i honestly forgot what it was like to feel swarm + sweat because i was hot, not because i was nervous. ha. i'm an ogre.

we spent one thrilling night in vegas where we snuck milo into the hotel e.t. style. i think he passed as a swaddled up baby UNTIL his tail popped out of the blanket and started wagging. BUT COME ON. we were in a cheap hotel in vegas -- i'm sure people were sneaking in far, far, far worse. right? ha. 

the first day in california we spent at the beach all day. it was 80 something degrees. HEAVEN. milo spent most of the time digging a hole? he does not know how to relax. also you're welcome for the super graphic bikini picture. ha. i have never felt more in-shape + swimsuit ready in my life then i do now. i was literally pounding pb + j sandwiches before the beach because who cares? all the carbs. the carbier the better. 

the next day we spent walking the beach + attending a wedding. they had a pasta bar which obviously i was pumped about. seriously, i think if i only had one word to sum up this pregnancy it would be GLUTEN! in all caps with an exclamation point. can not get enough.

the next day, we went to church, went to the beach again only to be rained out + relaxed at home. also i caught up on all my shows + can now safely say that i have kept up with the kardashians...and really, really want an invite to kris's next birthday party. ugh. she looks so good.

now, back to the cold!
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adult-ing // HAPPY FEBRUARY!!!!

(this post has been sitting in my drafts box)
i cannot even believe it is february. ever since i got pregnant (...errr, ever since i realized i was pregnant, 10 weeks later...), i feel like i am obsessed over time. suddenly, i am counting days + weeks + have doctor's appointments + have to remember to eat? IT IS HAPPENING.

but it is february. and man, i have been adult-ing so hard yesterday! on friday, i was on the phone with the department of workforce services while contacting my health insurance while looking up doctor's phone numbers + crying over out-of-pocket medical bill expenses (WORD TO THE WISE : don't fracture your foot + get pregnant all while you are in-between insurance. yikes.). it was exhausting.

also i have spent more time researching strollers than i'd like to admit + suddenly i care about things like laundry detergent + all-purpose cleaner.

AND! yesterday i had people over at my house to watch the superbowl. granted, they were some of my nearest and dearest but still! i fed people + made my house presentable + fretted over the state of pork + meatballs. adult-ing! (p.s. everyone needs a kenna in their life, the end)

now i am lying in bed watching 'real housewives' with milo who was recently neutered + had to wear a cone of shame for the week. poor baby.

THE END!

e m p a t h y //

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my favorite video (next to hotline bling + the one of the horse running).

double praises.

new york pt. II // #lilyandashton addition

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right before christmas, my blonde + beautiful lily-friend was married in new york city! fun fact : lily was the first person i met at byu. we sat by each while studio 5 performed + nervously laughed + chatted. actually, she might have been the second person i met but! she was the first person i liked. ha. 

her wedding was ah-may-zing. like, there was a rapper + lily rapped 'new york' on stage like freaking jay-z and bey with him + the food was out of this world + five thousand thumbs enthusiastically up. commence t.m.i. for this post : i danced so hard i actually had pee running down my leg + feared i would go into labor. the music! it was freaking out of control.

now, for pictures (and scrolling! keep scrolling!) : 

lily had her rehearsal dinner at shake shack + radio city musical hall where we watched the rockettes perform their christmas program. oh my word! soooooo good. my dream is to sprout long legs + some rhythm + be a rockette. 

or really, the long legs would suffice. 

this poorly lit photo because this bagel! it was from tompkin's bagel...somehwere. i don't even know where i was. we flew the red eye, took a nap + then...this bagel! the left is smoked salmon + capers and the right is the bacon, egg + cheese. mmmm.

radio city! eh! 

how fanc', right? also ignore how tired i look. i was...growing a baby.

grilled cheese shooters. 

i did a number on these.

no seriously, i had 8. 

the happy couple walkin' in! 

the happy couple walkin' out! 

badda bing! badda boom!
that's a wrap!
scroll. scroll. scroll.

cringing, but... :

against my will + per the prodding of jeffrey : a bump photo.

i am mostly cringing but, hey! i'll be happy about the documentation someday.

now back to the bachelor. 

*almost* 27 weeks // an update.

#pregnancy

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i'm sliding right into 27 weeks (third trimester, what. is. up.) + realize i have failed at documenting this pregnancy. like, totally failed. i don't feel like my bump is bumpin' enough to post a picture +, to be honest, a picture of me pounding a cheeseburger in the drive-through is far more accurate. ha. 

cravings : bacon cheeseburgers (of the wendy's sort), grapefruit juice and s l e e p .

sleep : ain't nothing like an early bed time. except for lately i have had a few nights where i am totally restless + totally resentful of the sleeping jeff beside me. 

movement : so. there was like, none FOR SO LONG + i was so bummed. now homie moves 24/7 + loooooves to kick me hard + lay on my bladder. mmmmm. 

weight gain : i'm an equal opportunity weight gainer, as my cousin summer would say. i feel like my eyelids are chubby at this point...actually, i DO feel like i have gained 3,674 pounds in my face alone.

best moment : just all the talking about mommy-ing/parent-ing, being able to eat gluten painlessly (NOT KIDDING! pass the pizza) + any time i get to see an ultrasound.

worst moment : ...let's just say i am very swollen in a very interesting place...

missing : my jawline.

nesting : sooooort of. there is a high possibility we are moving right after i deliver (like, a week after. the timeline is a tad bit stress inducing), so we don't have a nursery or anything of the sort. but we do have a carseat + two jumpers! so there's something! 

and that's my bumpdate (thank you, pinterest!). we have sort of, kind of decided on a name + THAT IS EXCITING. the middle name is still up in the air + jeff's suggestions are getting weirder by the minute so, you know. rolling with it.

WEEEEELP... // not billionaires.

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welp, we woke up on wednesday only to find out that we weren't billionaires. or even millionaires. or even, sadly, people with a proper bank account.

i was tooooootally reasonable about our odds of winning until i wasn't. 

i actually thought we had a shot! 

we could quit life + buy a house on a lake in idaho/montana/washington + a boat + 

someone to clean my house + help those in need + have 1,209,039 puppies and children + 

 lift my boobs so high i could rest my chin on them!!!!!

(my ladies are a sensitive subject right now)

(...they just. keep. growing.)

next time, powerball. next time. 

the revenant // my tuesday.

are you sick of seeing pictures of my dog yet? just bear with me until my face returns to normal size + i have a baby to take pictures of.

speaking of bears, jeff convinced me to see 'the revenant' today. it was THREE hours long (well, including previews + the pause in the middle when the screen stopped working + everyone chanted in unison FREE MOVIE! FREE MOVIE! FREE MOVIE! mob mentality is a delicious thing). the setting of the movie was beautiful. it reminded me of idaho/montana (confirmed! some parts were filmed in montanta!) buuuuuuut it was just. so. long.
my summary of the movie : a battered and beaten and perpetually frozen leonardo dicaprio seeks revenge in a bear suit + then plays the longest and most violent game of cat-mouse ever with tom hardy. woof.

i did cry three times, though. so that's something.
also my favorite movie is like, elizabethtown so maybe don't take my word for it?
(jeff would like everyone to know that he loved it + recommends)

other noteworthy, yet not paragraph-worthy items :

* on our walk today, milo + i crossed paths with three deer just walking down the middle of 300 south.
* i subbed a class today in which the girl pulled out a freaking SELFIE STICK!!!!! why?!!! what could you possibly want to remember about this day?
* i'm going to start writing an in-depth journal about my mental state during the last bit of this pregnancy. i'm convinced i'm actually going insane.
* my mom sent me a mug that says, 'why do you always look so sweaty and nervous?' -- actually me.
* we are never going to decide on a name for this baby. poor boy is going to be 'baby boy stapleton' for the first fifteen...years of his life.

aaaaaaand that's a tuesday.

the good-good.

+ a saturday full of cousins, bacon cheeseburgers, friends + fresh babies.
+ fake (very fake!) house hunting.
+ drives with my two scruffy dudes + a suspiciously perfect spotify shuffle.
+ breakfast with my grandma followed by a slice of coconut cream pie.
+ sneaking a giant, fizzy diet coke with cherry into sunday school.
+ the sound of milo's wagging tail hitting the wall.
+ sunday dinner courtesy of mckenna. that girl can cook.

this, that + a saturday.

we are adult-ing so hard now : life insurance! check! i can now die knowing jeff will be properly taken care of + the exact monetary amount he thinks i'm worth. 

(but can you really put a price on my wit, wisdom + wily ways? ...apparently)

also, it should be put down in history that i am now one of those people who puts their dog in day-care. also, it should be noted that i spent fifteen minutes agonizing over whether or not he would 'fit in' + actually worried about other dogs making fun of his grandpa face. what is wrong with me?! i don't know. let's just keep moving.

like how about the fact that...

my bacon cheeseburger count for the week is a whopping four. 

i finished making a murderer + let's not talk about it. it's serial podcast all over again.

eyelash extensions change lives. (i caved. i feel gross, okay?)

i started scream-jumping when the bachelor premiered. becca! miniature pony! lace!

(speaking of lace) she is the real-life version of cecily strong's character on snl,

'girl at a party you wish you never started a conversation with' (watch it! watch it!)

anyways, 

my new year's resolutions are basically shot to hell.

why do i resolve every year to be a less annoying version of gwyneth paltrow? i will never be a gwyneth. i like costco hot dogs too much.

merry new year, happy christmas, here i am.

HI AND HAPPY 2016!

since we last chatted, i turned 23, ended my stint of holiday retail employment, traveled to new york for the best. wedding. ever. (and tried shake shack! more on this all later!) + celebrated the holidays in california with my in-laws.

...and i've gotten bigger + crazier + have cried // apologized // had crazy outbursts like, fifteen times in between. pregnancy is slowly turning me into a person who cries in public + confronts people in line of grocery stores. just lock me up already.
...and i've discovered the jr. bacon cheeseburger at wendy's. i know. so gross. i actually feel embarrassed for myself when i think about my car in the drive-through at 10:23 a.m. that happened.

and that's a wrap.