this, that + a saturday.

we are adult-ing so hard now : life insurance! check! i can now die knowing jeff will be properly taken care of + the exact monetary amount he thinks i'm worth. 

(but can you really put a price on my wit, wisdom + wily ways? ...apparently)

also, it should be put down in history that i am now one of those people who puts their dog in day-care. also, it should be noted that i spent fifteen minutes agonizing over whether or not he would 'fit in' + actually worried about other dogs making fun of his grandpa face. what is wrong with me?! i don't know. let's just keep moving.

like how about the fact that...

my bacon cheeseburger count for the week is a whopping four. 

i finished making a murderer + let's not talk about it. it's serial podcast all over again.

eyelash extensions change lives. (i caved. i feel gross, okay?)

i started scream-jumping when the bachelor premiered. becca! miniature pony! lace!

(speaking of lace) she is the real-life version of cecily strong's character on snl,

'girl at a party you wish you never started a conversation with' (watch it! watch it!)

anyways, 

my new year's resolutions are basically shot to hell.

why do i resolve every year to be a less annoying version of gwyneth paltrow? i will never be a gwyneth. i like costco hot dogs too much.