my after-hours ensembles. it's sexy.

happy saturday!

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if you were to walk into my house at any time after 3 in the afternoon, you would probably be horrified. you see, i am not lounge cute (or gym cute for that matter). years and years of team sports has thoroughly equipped me with boxes and boxes of ratty t-shirts, baggy sweatshirts, and oversized gym shorts. and i just can't let 'em go.

when i get home, i instantly unwind. i am talking unhooking my bra as i am getting out of my car type of unwinding. i usually walk in, take off all my makeup, throw my hair in a bun, and head to my butch closet. yes, i have a whole closet for it.

side note: one time my brother + his wife came over and halfway through their visit i realized that i had been chatting with them in my robe. oh hi! let's play a game called guess what's going on underneath? yeah, blood-relative? sound fun?

poor, poor jeff. i am sure he was halfway hoping that i would watch television in sexy nightgowns. but actually, probably he was just hoping for something that somewhat showed that i have a womanly shape!

pffffft.

here's some of my gems as captured by my cellular. because, what else?

okay, here is my before pictures. these are outfits that are my go-to's. layers, layers, so many layers. also why? why do i take selfies? i don't even know. but that's besides the point :

see? not bad. not totally terrible. lots of flowy skirts + converse + military jackets + hey look! my waist! not totally bad, not totally good. bones?

and now for my after. oh, good heavens. get your booty ready.

i will admit, the picture on the right is not a wonderful representation of my after-work outfits. believe it or don't, i was actually trying there. i was on vacation in michigan-land with my in-laws and didn't want to completely horrify them. but the one on the left? oh yes. braless. baggy t-shirt. sweatpants cut into shorts and flippy flops. oh, and a soaking wet top knot. yesterday while i was lounging my sister realized that i was wearing capris i have owned since the sixth grade. and this is not one of those "oh my gosh! i still fit in my prom dress!" type of moments. this is shameful, hand-to-the-forehead type of business. like, bright green, terry-cloth, walmart brand type of shame.

oh, you want a picture?

you got it, dude.

and here's s'more. for good measure.

but also how cute is my garland? to make : a roll of honeymoon patience, dollar store thread, and two tacks. also no patience. and no crafty bone either.
and the idaho + california ensemble? so easy to make! just grab a kim mosman + a fatty diet coke. also whaaaa? thanks. i know i am great at decorating. and also yes, i begged my sister to take this picture of me. whaaaa? the papz won't bite these days.

i digress.

so here's my style tips for the perfect lounge wear :

+ nothing is off-limits! old basketball jerseys, sweats that are ten years old, peanut-butter stained tee-shirts. get creative here. maybe even just close your eyes + turn off all the lights while getting dressed and bam! butch-tastic.
+ all or nothing, baby. if you butch-out, you got to commit to butching out. i see so many girls with cute hair, makeup, and yoga pants. pfffffft. the key is to look as gender-confused as possible, people! take off that makeup! throw up that hair! maybe duct-tape down your boobs if you have to.
+ comfort is key! always. bras are not an option here. pride and femininity isn't either, for the record.
+ own it. if the hometeachers are coming over or your friend is stopping in for a visit, don't you dare change into something more presentable. no. own it girl. it's after-hours and you have the right to lounge.

and there you have it. butch on, ladies! butch on.
may we all spread eagle in comfort. amirite?