my after-hours ensembles. it's sexy.

happy saturday!

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if you were to walk into my house at any time after 3 in the afternoon, you would probably be horrified. you see, i am not lounge cute (or gym cute for that matter). years and years of team sports has thoroughly equipped me with boxes and boxes of ratty t-shirts, baggy sweatshirts, and oversized gym shorts. and i just can't let 'em go.

when i get home, i instantly unwind. i am talking unhooking my bra as i am getting out of my car type of unwinding. i usually walk in, take off all my makeup, throw my hair in a bun, and head to my butch closet. yes, i have a whole closet for it.

side note: one time my brother + his wife came over and halfway through their visit i realized that i had been chatting with them in my robe. oh hi! let's play a game called guess what's going on underneath? yeah, blood-relative? sound fun?

poor, poor jeff. i am sure he was halfway hoping that i would watch television in sexy nightgowns. but actually, probably he was just hoping for something that somewhat showed that i have a womanly shape!

pffffft.

here's some of my gems as captured by my cellular. because, what else?

okay, here is my before pictures. these are outfits that are my go-to's. layers, layers, so many layers. also why? why do i take selfies? i don't even know. but that's besides the point :

see? not bad. not totally terrible. lots of flowy skirts + converse + military jackets + hey look! my waist! not totally bad, not totally good. bones?

and now for my after. oh, good heavens. get your booty ready.

i will admit, the picture on the right is not a wonderful representation of my after-work outfits. believe it or don't, i was actually trying there. i was on vacation in michigan-land with my in-laws and didn't want to completely horrify them. but the one on the left? oh yes. braless. baggy t-shirt. sweatpants cut into shorts and flippy flops. oh, and a soaking wet top knot. yesterday while i was lounging my sister realized that i was wearing capris i have owned since the sixth grade. and this is not one of those "oh my gosh! i still fit in my prom dress!" type of moments. this is shameful, hand-to-the-forehead type of business. like, bright green, terry-cloth, walmart brand type of shame.

oh, you want a picture?

you got it, dude.

and here's s'more. for good measure.

but also how cute is my garland? to make : a roll of honeymoon patience, dollar store thread, and two tacks. also no patience. and no crafty bone either.
and the idaho + california ensemble? so easy to make! just grab a kim mosman + a fatty diet coke. also whaaaa? thanks. i know i am great at decorating. and also yes, i begged my sister to take this picture of me. whaaaa? the papz won't bite these days.

i digress.

so here's my style tips for the perfect lounge wear :

+ nothing is off-limits! old basketball jerseys, sweats that are ten years old, peanut-butter stained tee-shirts. get creative here. maybe even just close your eyes + turn off all the lights while getting dressed and bam! butch-tastic.
+ all or nothing, baby. if you butch-out, you got to commit to butching out. i see so many girls with cute hair, makeup, and yoga pants. pfffffft. the key is to look as gender-confused as possible, people! take off that makeup! throw up that hair! maybe duct-tape down your boobs if you have to.
+ comfort is key! always. bras are not an option here. pride and femininity isn't either, for the record.
+ own it. if the hometeachers are coming over or your friend is stopping in for a visit, don't you dare change into something more presentable. no. own it girl. it's after-hours and you have the right to lounge.

and there you have it. butch on, ladies! butch on.
may we all spread eagle in comfort. amirite?

californi-yeah! (i've used this title before, oops.)

i said i was done with the michigan posts, but did i say i was done with the vacation posts? loophole! here's a few of my favorites from my whirlwind stay in southern california. i was up there to shoot a wedding, kiss my family hello at their dana point rental, + welcome my brother-in-law, kevin, back into the life after the mission. badda bing, badda bam. 

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before jeff + i got married, a had this stigma about california. southern california, in particular. to me, it was the yankees of the united states. the l.a. lakers, if you will. i don't really know where i am going with this but i am sporty. 

my point: it is too easy to love and to obvious. of course you love southern california. of course you love the perfect weather + the ocean. of course you love it. you see what i am getting at?

but now i am throwing my towel in. i love southern california.

and now, a story:

i had never met kevin before friday. like, ever. which is sort of incredibly awkward because hi my name is brooke and i am your sister...in law. let's hug? also i wrote him emails while he was on his mission with jeff so...

i was nervous. so nervous! like, what if he doesn't like me?! what if he doesn't accept me as his sister in law?! what if he is shorter than me + when we hug his head goes straight into my chesticles?! these are the things that keep me up at night.

i spent the day with my grandma + mom in dana at their little beach house rental. it was a daaaah-ream! i was nervous about being late to the airport so i left super early. california traffic, y'know? somehow i arrived way ahead of schedule + had time to kill.

a wheelchair! i spotted a wheelchair! i plopped myself down on an abandoned wheelchair + started wheeling myself around the vacant airport. also i realize i am changing tenses here...past-tense? present-tense? pffft. i didn't think much of it until a few people came up to me and asked, "are you here all alone? do you need help?!"
i had already committed to being a cripple, braving the airport alone so i went with it : "no, no. i've got it. don't worry about me."

brooke, why?!

after this is not an exaggeration two hours of sitting in the airport, jeff called me to ask where the heck i was? he was right by the meeting place + at the teensy long beach airport ... and still no brooke?

i asked the lady next to me where the jet blue bag pickup was + she looked at me, puzzled. "...jet blue doesn't even fly into this airport."

SHIZ!

i realized then that i had waited two whole hours, wheeling around the wrong airport. frustrated, i got up to walk to my car. walk. there was an audible gasp from all the people waiting for their bags that had looked at me like i was so brave. i was a fake! or was it a christmas miracle? the people of the john wayne aiport will never know. ;)

what a strange first impression. hi i am your sister in law and i somehow mixed up airports, somehow? oops.

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also : do we think juan pablo is going to be the next bachelor? crossing mah fingers!! 

i'm sorry, but more michigan.

whew-wee. 

we are back to the great state of utah, where diet dr. pepper is abundant + the air smells like tanning beds. also, yes. i used that joke on my instagram. sue me! it's been quite the day of travels and i even got patted down by a tsa agent because my chesticles came up as high danger. she used the back of her hand + laughed when i said that she had to 'wine and dine' me first...also i used that joke on my instagram, too. i'm running out of material here people!

but promise! promise! promise! i am mostly, completely done with the michigan posts. promise. it's just i feel that it is such an under-appreciated place. it's the zac of the united states of america. and yes, i am making a bachelorette reference because i am finally catching up and no! zac went home! lip quivering. how is drew lasting this long? is anyone getting feminine vibes?
...hashtag : team brooks.

onwards! i just want to remember my time in michigan, okay? the midwest gets such a bad-wrap. just like zac! i mean, c'mon dez. he may have looked a bit leprechaun-esque in the first few episodes but he really came around...

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wee little moments : the cutest baby child, kaylin. kallin? kay - lynn. 

mackinac beach + heidi, stephen, and baby timmy.

mackinac island! pronounced macinaaaaw. 

baby timmy meeting (great!) grandma king. give me a bebe.

mmm...mean muggin'.

king + stapleton boys.

horse bum.

awww! ferry rides and bebes. my heart.

marlee + kaylynn? kallin? kaylin! 

struggling, struggling. always struggling. 

riding tandem around this pretty island with my jeffy boo. it may sound romantic but holy !!! tandem bikes scare the jeebers out of me. 

about how everyone felt after an 8 mile bike ride on a fairly empty stomach. hanger is real, man. also : smiley kevin! he just came back from his mission and is single and super nice and yes, i'm pimping him out. leave your number in the comments, please and thanks. 

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happy monday, friends!

more michigan! and casinos, too.

a disclaimer : vacation posts are tha worst. i am so very aware. just a whole lot of scrolling. but indulge me? i'm trying to launch a social media campaign on my very lonesome for michigan in the summer. just kidding, slightly. but dudes, it is something of a dream! a dream, i tell you!

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now, on to today : today we went on to the actual rez. am i allowed to say that? i don't know entirely so i am assuming...yes? question mark? onwards! the rez!

the casino + resort were so. dang. nice. no stray dogs or anything! like, mouth to the floor. i think they had three golf courses which seems kind of excessive but who is stopping them? also the resort had all these cute shops and restaurants and a spacious bathroom with comfy toilet seats where i spent most all of my time because cherries, duh.

their 'mascot' ... guys i think i am breeching a lot of politically correct rules here, but shoot! i'm lost! ... or spirit animal? tribe animal? theeeeere we go : let's stick with tribe animal! anyways, it's the turtle. slow and steady is winning this race, baby.

cherries! everywhere! and yes, cherries + the runs do, in fact, go hand-in-hand ;)

a little ma-and-pa store where they sold the most delicious cherry pie to date. also i am not entirely sure if it is a ma-and-pa store, all i know is that a girl working their called one of her coworkers mom? so...maybe? ma-and-pa it is!

now how'd i get talking about cherries! back to the casino!
but first:

that is literally a kid in a candy store. you see what i did there? heh? heh? 

they kicked me out of the picture because i'm white. it's whatever. just kidding ;). i volunteered to play family photographer which is more than fortunate because, let's face it, i have a strong affinity to dress like a butch in humidity. 

also what is jeff doing with that leg pop thing? bless that boy and his sweet little face.

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oh hey, about michigan.

so, michigan.

when jeff stapleton told me michigan was where he felt most in his jeff stapleton element i most certainly passed the comment off completely. partially because people should always be ignored when they talk in first person and mostly because he says the exact same thing about all-you-can eat sushi bars, southern california, and...well, i'll leave out the last place that jeff stapleton feels the most jeff stapleton. heh, heh...;) i mean, what is even in michigan anyways? besides lakes. and cars. and lakes.

suffice it to say, i was a little skeptical about michigan.

but right as we pulled in after driving through the night from chicago, i could feel it. though jeff stapleton was fast asleep in the back of the van (smacking his lips, mind you), he was here. he was fully + completely my jeff stapleton.

so here's what is in michigan:

+ cherries. lots of 'em. my poor digestive system.
+ lakes! i was right about that. but. you. guys. lake michigan is something of a dream. it goes all the way to wisconsin, you know? it's like, a bajillion miles and it has a tide and whitecaps and how is it even a lake at all?
+ sand dunes so hot they'll burn your feet straight off.
+ treeeeeees! man, i am making michigan sound so boring. but this place is green with rolling hills full of trees and other some such greenery.
+ ...bugs. you win some, you lose some.
+ ...and humidity. but hey, my hair looks good and my skin is happy.
+ the sweetest family-in-law? or something like that? jeff's cousin's 3-year-old daughter came up to me while swimming and grabbed my tata's and asked, "what are these? are these apart of your swimsuit?" so, yeah. you could say i'm her role model.
+ joe's friendly tavern where i ate...no, inhaled, a burger. i haven't had a burger in so long! i was ravenous. also, i started my monthly lady jam so... red meat all around!
+ and more cherries! chocolate covered cherries, cherry juice, cherry dipped ice cream cones, cherries out. your. ears.
+ babies. well, mostly tim-tam slam. but boy! that baby is cute. truth: me and timmy had quite the rough patch at first. when he was a newborn and i met him at the hostpital, i had a terrible case of the coughs and i was not yet married into the family for time and all eternity. so i spent the whole time trying not to cough on him and thus making my intestines and rib cage shake from holding all the pressure in. but now! now he likes me! and loves jeff something fierce. boy. give that boy a baby!

but don't they all kind of just look like jacob's cousin's on twilight? hashtag team jacob forever.
but really.

that one time i wore eyeliner and curled mah hair.

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living with my sister has some perks. 

for instance : she always keeps a stash of the best brand name cereal on hand.

and she has fancy makeup that she didn't buy at a gas station in florida because she forgot mascara while honeymooning. 

and she creeps people on instagram almost as hard as i do and doesn't blink twice when i refer to people as their instagram name and talk about them like they are my actual friend. ("ugh, jenna's picture is so sad. i bet just plain hayley is broken up...")

and she has a jean vest that is the cutest and that i love to steal in the wee hours of the morning when i tip toe off to work and she is still in a deep slumber.

and she has a special kind of humor that makes me do an ugly laugh and bat her away saying, "no, staaaahp."

and she is the best date (after noon -- girl is not a morning person) to frozen yogurt and the grocery store and the mall and other some such things.

but most especially, girl knows how to primp. 

i've always struggled in that department. i have no patience when it comes to hair and usually just throw it in a top knot and when i apply any sort of eye makeup i always feel like i look especially b-wordy. i don't know how it happens, but it does.

but paige. paaaaige. she can make gym wear look cute and accessorizes the right amount for the pool. seeing as we look alike, she is a beacon of hope for what i could be. well, could be if i got sick and lost a lot of weight. (somebody told me that the other day. ha. isn't that weird though? i just nodded and said "uh-huh" and then googled "where to find tapeworms." juuuuust kidding.)

so on the fourth of july, i begged her to do my hair and teach me how to wear eyeliner and teach me the hot girl smile and bam! self-esteem soaring! i was camera ready! let's take group pictures tonight? instagram me! vine me! where are the ca-mah-raaaahs?!

so hipster, what chu know about me?

also a moment of silence for my hair. i'm officially a utah girl with this melt-a-licious mane. and my watch is from a heart rate monitor, for all of you fashionistas that are wondering ;) (i went home and my friend kylie made fun of me soooo...)

these were taken outside of spaghetti factory while we were waiting for our table. because we are all vain and we are all mildly okay with it. 

happy hump day. 

(snicker, snicker)

like an annoying christmas newsletter...

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in the past two weeks: 


+ went to spokane, wa. for the biggest three on three basketball tournament in the world, or hoopfest. a place for me to let my inner-butch fly + people-watch all the live-long day. we ended up forfeiting so...that's how that went.

+ played around at my little piece of heaven on lake chatcolet with my family + vowed to nevereverevernever wear a two-piece around girls entering their senior year of high school. like, bye-bye self esteem. i thought you could have boobs or be skinny. not both. rude!

+ ran into (no, literally. i was on a run.) a bunch of old friends from high school + let them tease me for two hours straight about being a.) a child bride, b.) the biggest exaggerator...ever, and c.) clogging a toilet at a party like, fifteen years ago. and it wasn't even me!

side note: i was on a run and ran into my friend morgan who was at my friend logan's house for a barbeque. woof! that was a mouthful and i assume you aren't following. anyways, i was chatting with her in the driveway when i had. to. go. like, then. i snuck my way into the house and plopped down on the toilet, not especially wanting to talk to anyone, and then there's a knock on the door + i am proceeding to have a conversation with someone through the door that went a little something like this,

"is someone in there?"
"...ummm, yes. me."
"wait, who is that?"
"...brooke..."
"brooke mosman?!??! what the heck are you doing here!"
"umm, going to the bathroom."
"it's so good to see you! come out here!"

...I AM GOING TO THE BATHROOM. i would hurry up if i could but... then i open the door to some old friends standing in the doorway and i am trying to febreeze + close the door because hi, i just did some business in  there. it was weird.

+ hosted my family for the fourth of july. well, kind of. mostly we just picked out a spot to watch the fireworks and let some of my siblings sleep at our place. *more on that later* i looooove having visitors, most especially my family. they came and left quickly and hit up happy hour nearly every day they were here. my type of people. also jeff cut chad's hair which was actually just the funniest to watch because they both looked equal parts uncomfortable and terrified. vulnerability is so cute.

+ had daddy-daughter time with my father, but of course. he came down by his lonesome for the blessing of my brother's baby and spoiled us with 2-ply toilet paper and brand name peanut butter. ain't nothin' better!

+ welcome my morgan friend home. finally. and contributed a bag full of soda and bagged salad at a welcome home bbq for her because everybody knows i shouldn't cook anything, ever.

+ had one good hair day and learned what 'turn up' and 'turnt' mean and now i can't staaaaahp. i documented both here.

(it's okay, i know i'm a douche.)

+ had a baby blessing luncheon for my niece, kaliyani rose, and her blessing day. actually i contributed nothing to it besides an air conditioned apartment + a few serving spoons. but still! 

and i know i said this on instagram, but my family really is the best. well, the best for me. they are so funny and fun to be around and i really think if i had any other family, i would take a lot more selfies and post self-indulgent facebook statuses. they subtly keep you in line in the best of ways, you know?

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my jeffrey.

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yesterday in church jeff poked my side and passed me a note that said, "let's plan a big trip for next year to look forward to" and i could have kissed his face right there in the pew!

that man! i firmly believe july is his spirit month because hot d.a.m.n. (in my mind, i am signing those letters to the tune of 'ymca' and it's awesome), that boy is killing it. my dad was visiting this past week and commented that i found a man who can fix things without mumbling a slew of curse words under his breath (side note : i am nearly positive that jeff was trying to show off, but only a bit. as my dad was visiting, everything seemed to need fixing. the ceiling fan! the lighting fixture! the television! he was like the spicy carpenter man in holes). also he over-analyzes crappy television with me so...

...and that's my braggy post about how i scaaaa-ored in the man department (and boob department too, thanks kim!)(kidding, kidding, keeeeedding). chest bump me later. 

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