ask and ye shall receive, pt. 1. (or, more selfies!)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

at heart, i am a people pleaser. i just love being loved, you dig? i remember in junior high my mom would always make me the most delicious peanut butter + jelly sandwiches (the perfect ratio of peanut butter to jelly you know the type). she packed two of them because i had an extraordinary appetite (and metabolism! r.i.p. fast metabolism).

there was this boy, this tan-skinned (...elephant in the room that i don't know how to address: he was african-american. and asian, too!) that never, ever packed snack so i always gave him my second sandwich. and oh! how i wanted that second sandwich! i would stare at him longingly as he ate my second sandwich, partially because i had a secret crush on him (i hope he never reads this; this will give him far too much satisfaction) but mostly because i wanted that second sandwich!

phew, i am still not over this.

anyways, the point of this all is that i know in my heart of hearts that you all wanted me to post more of my pictures i take of myself that are hidden away in my phone's memory. so! the first selfies of 2013 explained!

ready, set...

1. have you ever been out on a date with someone and they are just such a remarkably bad dater that you actually can't remember if the date was but a dream? have we ever been out on a date before? because i am a hellishly bad date. i'll say that we can eat wherever you want! because i'm so spontaneous! but then i'll knock down all of your ideas (for good reason! my body needs some low-cal options, here!) and we will somehow wind up exactly where i wanted to go along. but i'll be very passive about it. then! then i'll insist we will share something because i have such a small appetite! because i'm such a lady! ...and then i'll eat 3/4 of our meal. and the worst part of it all? i will undoubtedly eat too much and get sick after our meal. so sick, in fact, that you will have to pull over at the mcdonald's two blocks from our house so i can waddle inside and spend fifteen minutes on the toilet playing scramble with friends and wallowing in my sorrows.

but at least i will send you pictures from the bathroom to assure you that i am okay? and you can maybe, maybe pick the movie (...from my pre-approved option, of course!).

2. i'm one of those people who can convince themselves that they are having fun or that the $12 plate full of cow brains they stupidly paid for is so, so delicious! if i pick the movie, it's going to be good simply because i picked it. you know? in other words, i'm stubborn. on new years day, i created this wonderful new tradition for jeff + i to embark on. we would run thirteen miles...because it's 20THIRTEEN after all. jeff laughed at me but i was intrepid! i would carry on! you guys, i wouldn't wish two hours on a treadmill in an empty gym upon my worst enemy. boredom struck early on and i spent most of my time yelling to my mother + sister on the telephone begging them to tell me really long stories! like, hour long! and explaining to them how i was sort of going delirious.

and! if any of you wish to run thirteen miles on a treadmill and are looking for ways to pass boredom, use this horrible trick i made up that will slowly drive you insane: listen to the same song over and over again for the whole duration of your mile. or maybe for two miles! use counting crows one week if you want to go extra insane!

but i had fun! okay! it was so much fun! (see? i'm stubborn.)

3. you all got jipped on brother in laws because i firmly believe i have one of the best brother in laws in the land. he got me these fancy earrings (and a necklace! and a fancy shirt!) and i texted him this picture as a way of saying hey thanks shane stapleton! you are the literal best! ...and got no reply. i have decided nothing in this world is more awkward than sending some a picture of your face and getting completely and royally ignored. it's kind of comparable to getting 'next'd' on that awful mtv show next? kind of, definitely.

4. stop drinking diet coke did not make it on my list of new years resolutions this year. cheers to you, 32 oz. of diet coke (with fresh lemons and vanilla -- thanks jennie!) and cheers to you, realistic resolutions!)

5. ...we were pretending to be people at different colleges? you are familiar with the hat steal, right? ...yeah, vocalizing it just makes it more stupid.

6. can we have a moment of silence for my beanie for a second? moscow really brought out the angsty teen in me (that once existed as evidenced by this picture my sister posted today...!)

now, back to being mad about that second sandwich! (he was a lousy kisser, too!)(ha! only kidding. kind of.)


  1. that bad date dinner decision scenario happens EVERY TIME we go out to eat as a family. dad asks us what we want, we all declare uncaring attitudes so he decides and we all shoot it down. choice number two? it takes us a million years to pick a restaurant. before i chose to have one 2013 goal, i was seriously considering the "no more coke" goal. i even told myself i was drinking my final coke in 2012 that would have to last me all 0f 2013, i almost instagrammed it but knew deep down it wasn't the goal for me.

  2. Bahahah is the second sandwich eater by chance Roby? Love your blog Brooke!:)

  3. Ha ha ha ha!!! Loved this! You made me laugh out loud and run to the bathroom. Terrible bladder control these days. AND. I love more than anything when I get personal shout outs on Simply Brooke! Made my day. Love you and love all your many selfies

  4. okay i am obsessed with your number one. honestly it had me laughing out loud. yes i have been there. yes i am single and yes i am sick of dating bad daters! you are cute. i love your blog. that is all!


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