a bit late, but still thankful.

i'm sitting here braless typing this. unemployed...and totally, totally braless. perhaps it's the freedom my two best girlfriends are experiencing or perhaps it's the intoxicating scent of the bath + body works fresh balsam candle that i got free by pressuring my mom into a 'v.i.p. bag' on black friday, but i feel overwhelmingly grateful for my life.

as i ranted and spilled about previously, october was the pits. i felt sluggish + sad + was averaging about 135 oz. of diet dr. pepper a day. my days consisted of caffeine shakes + cleaning out dressing rooms...a miserable combination. ha. but november! november was my may. i felt like the rain stopped and fa la laaaaa! all was right again.
all the things in my life that were right seemed to show off in november. it was as if they were all wearing big sparkly, red dresses and parading through my life. does this make sense?! ('my life' tally = 4,329) it makes sense.

for example! i am so, so grateful for my jeffrey. i never in my life felt like i was incomplete. as i've said a million times over, brooke likes brooke. i just do! i like my own company + really didn't see any room for anyone else. but hi! in comes jeffrey! he is the most supportive person + keeps life fun. i feel feel whole. is that so lame? that's so lame. but it's so, so true.

and i'm so, so grateful for my family (and i'm talking about aaaaaaall of them ... brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, in-laws, etc. ). i scored. i feel like i have the best pit crew (and this is where i apologize to my family for calling them 'the pit crew' and//or making any nascar reference in the same sentence as them). they are always there to dust me off + get me going. every time i see them i feel reenergized + ready to ...drive around the track 500 times (i committed to a nascar reference and now i am riding it out!).

i'm grateful for my 'job.' i feel so lame for calling it a 'job.' i'm i destined to be a lowly MWAC (mother with a camera)? please no. but yes! i am so, so grateful for being able to do what i love every week + for getting paid for it. like, what is this?!

i'm also grateful for food. and for my apartment. and for provo-town! it gets such a bad wrap but i will never be able to happily leave my sodalicious + subzero behind. i'm grateful for crossfit + for yoga + for my body. i'm grateful for my faith and how it grounds me because heaven knows i can get carried away.

oh! and i'm grateful for my friends. all of 'em. whether i see them every day or every other year, they all rock. i truly (getting corny here) cherish the friendships i have made over the years + love that they are so low maintenance yet so meaningful (shuddering -- 'cherish' and 'meaningful' in the same sentence?! let's blame the scented candles surrounding me). and, while i'm here, i'm grateful for spell check because apparently i have no idea how to spell 'maintenance?'

i'm grateful for school. ha. just kidding.

november, november, i love you.

brooke, here! : a lone-cation.

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(these were my parting gift from my own job. tell my they remind you of kylie jenner because that would make all my wildest dreams come true! tell me!)

i debated starting this post all cute-like by saying:

brooke, here!

but it's my blog. so duh. brooke is here.

onwards!

i'm currently sitting in my hotel room in *i'm being vague here, father dear. you will not have to use your 'special set of skills' or get all liam neeson on us...* california with friends playing in the background. i'm braless + slobbery from all of the diet dr. pepper i've consumed today because hi, a circle k is right around the corner...err, i mean...very far away? *being vague here!* i've taken like, sixty five baths already + have spread the contents of my suitcase neatly across the whole room. also i've spent around five hours staring at myself in the mirror + plucking my eyebrows.
i feel like the queen of the world!
i call this : my lone-cation.
...i seriously wish i could think of a better name...
all-by-my-selfiesta?
yep, lone-cation it is.

i am here for a wedding tomorrow, yes, but i have a hotel room all to myself. and no plans (other than the wedding, le doi). it's a magical, magical time where i am discovering how disgusting i can be when left to my own devices. (...i am currently typing around a sticky spot from the cookie dough ice cream bar i just devoured).

also, speaking of weddings : this summer i stayed in the same hotel room as the bride's parents. ha! we each had our own twin bed + tried our hardest not to roll over + make eye contact during the night. ha.

and speaking of kylie jenner, on my third trip to the grocery store today it said that kimmy k. was post-poning the wedding due to kanye's botched proposal (marry me pleeeeeeease?!!!). and what the heck is going on with khloe + lamar?! i need answers! and a wet-wipe. this ice cream sandwich sticky spot is really making it difficult to type the letters xcv and b. oof.

happy friday, my people!

november the fourteenth : a day not wasted.

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yesterday was my last day at my job. yes, the job i just started. yes, the job i was super excited about. retail is a soul-sucker, dudes. a part of my heart died every time i had to clear out a dressing room or pull a double zero pant for a tween who liked to loudly announce to her curvier friends that she was a double zero. ugh. such a hard life. i decided to have a little hallelujah celebration//day-cation all by my lonesome + turn off my alarm + neglect all phone calls + wear the exact same outfit i've worn the past three days because why not?! ugh. such a hard life.

also. let it be known : i darkened my hair yesterday. also known as dying it jet black for the time being. it's a tid bit darker than i was expecting + i am having a bit of an identity crisis. i feel a bit...goth? armenian? teen angsty? i've decided to give myself a week to figure out who brooke with the black hair really is (thus far, she really likes avocados) you know, as you do.

the real question remains : what exactly did i do on this day-cation?
hrmph.

took some selfies?
went to swig + sodalicious in provo + wrote a public service
announcement because, obviously, i take myself quite seriously.
wandered target. bought nothing.
got asked if i went to hair school.
pretended to go on a run?
ate an avocado.

the *almost* end.

also who are you people who look pretty posing with inanimate objects?!?! bolded. capitalized. exclamation point, question mark, exclamation point.
like, give me a baby or my jeffrey or something cause what the bologna sandwich am i doing with my face + hands?!

a funk.

(let it be noted :
1. this is a ramble, prepare.
2. the fact that i look all down + depressed in this picture is not intentional. ha! irony at it's finest!
3. try as you might, you will not keep me out of the boys' section at target. yes, target lady, i am aware that the women's section is thaaaaaaat way + that i have hips. and boobs.)
4. awkward wrist! i see it too! was i reaching for my pocket? my belt? belt...loops? cringe.

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i would gladly get rid of my october. eleven months in 2013? i'll take it! i was in a funk this october. an unexplainable + seemingly unshakable funk. i felt as if my october was so blaaaaaaand. like, pass the salt october!

the funkiest part of my funk came when i was driving home from work late + i rear-ended the car in front of me. well, love-tapped it (i'm holdin' to that!). oh, the horror! i felt like everything i was holding up + all my effort to just be happy + just keep going came crashing down on me. i sobbed! sobbed, i tell you! fun fact about brooke : i rarely cry. seriously! rarely! partially because there isn't much that makes me sad but mostly because crying is a whole lot of effort, y'know? (except for in movie theaters. i am a big movie theater crier) but when i do, oh lanta. is it a sight! my mother once told me that she hates watching me cry because, obviously, it is depressing but also because she thinks i am going to die. literally, die. i start hyperventilating + my face goes numb aaaaand cue the panic attack. it's bizarre.

anyways!
i'm driving home + i love tap the car in front of me. i am already so, so tired from work + so, so hungry. i'm holding it together + then the policeman asks me where i am from + poof, tears! i can't breath! help! me! he leaves me panting in my car + i stuff some sour watermelon candy in my mouth. so now i can't breathe + i have the ugliest pucker + the people in the car who i hit are staring at me like a crazy person. heaven help me. ha! it was a sight!

but! this was a turning point? i think?
i almost felt like i finally came to terms with the fact that i had been down all month. "my name is brooke + i have been in a funk all october. hear me roar." 
i'm slowly learning that it is okay to not have everything together all the time + to not alllllllways be happy + not alllllllways be funny. it's okay to not know all the answers all at once + to be a bit vulnerable at times. and it's also okay to take a breather from life + blogging + to know the workers at sodalicious by name. it's all okay + it's all going to be okay.

i feel like i owe it to my posterity + to 2013 to find some good lessons out of october. here's what i've learned (besides the aforementioned 'it's all going to be okay, yadda yadda') :

what october taught me : 
:: robbing this quote + subbing in 'happiness' from good ol' dieter f. : "[happiness...light?] rarely comes to those who merrily sit in the darkness waiting for someone to flick the switch." okay, i kind of
:: my mama + my jeffrey + the big man upstairs are good friends who always want to help + to listen.
botched the quote by subbing in happiness, but you get what i am saying!
:: i don't do well with routine.
:: people want to help if you let them.
:: it's okay to not feel okay.


aren't we proud of me? talking about emotions + the warm and fuzzies? my mom challenged me to be more real with people. not, like, annoyingly ranty + depressing facebook status type-real but not pretending that everything is awesome alllllllll the time type-real. because some octobers just suck + just because they suck, doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about them. or something.

also, for the record, i am liking my november. november can stay.
also also, for the record, if anyone brings up this post to me + tries to give me hug of sorts, i will act like you are crazy + tell you that everything is just...awesome. baby steps ;). (kidding, kidding)

conference-ing + weekend-ing.

this past weekend my nikki-friend came down from southern idaho for some girl time + some general conference. to clarify, general conference is a weekend where leaders of my church give counsel that uplifts + inspires us to be better. lots of silver foxes. lots of note taking. lots of cinnamon rolls. it's a ball! onwards! having my nikki-friend in town was nice; it helped me to appreciate utah county + all of its chain restaurants (cheesecake factory! cheesecake fact-or-eeee!). also! she brought a boy + jeff and i guessed the status of their relationship the entire weekend. hehe. also! i forgot how awkward the word 'relationship' is for those who are just friends? having a thing? oops.

(ten points to whoever can land he-who-shall-not-be-named on the right!'s doppelganger.  are you feeling ryan reynolds? the brother from hannah montana? the animated character norman from paranorman? close, but not quite?)(also do we like my green hunter boots? stress zits happened over those things! green? black? are these the next ugg boot? stress! zits!)

i worked all day saturday (let me expound : all. day. i arrived at work at 7:45 in the morning + left the mall at 11 that night. eleven!) and missed the morning + afternoon session but! i am catching up. slowly. here's some of my favorite highlights from saturday: 

"doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." // "the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted + matured into a great oak of understanding." - dieter f. uchtdorf (...who i always picture on a bike? his last talk created that visual): 

it's hard for me to remember that in life there are definite ups + definite downs + that the same holds true with my testimony. this talk was a big ol' slap in the face that hi! doubts are normal +, when addressed correctly, can help you to be thirty five thousand times stronger. seriously, that's a quote. (...that's not a quote)

"don't assume you can fix everything. but fix what you can." // "if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it + be strong. trusting in happier days ahead." -- jeffrey r. holland (who i saw buying shoes while working at nordstrom. i just stared at him, petrified. let it be noted i was wearing five inch platforms + a vest made up fur. yikes.)

(we had tickets for the sunday morning session...and forgot them on top of our refrigerator. it's fine. we stood outside and i, let me just toot my own horn here, single-handedly scalped four tickets through the use of wit + flipping my wedding ring around. just kidding about that last part.)

"what is my ultimate priority?" -- elder oakes: 

my heart was sinking as i listened to this talk. i spread myself thin + don't like a lot of free time in my day. i mean, i do. but i don't. i realize that the first couple things that seem to be cut from my schedule are the things that truly matter the most. maybe i should allot a little less time to pinterest-ing and candy crush? maybe? ;)

"good timber does not grow with ease. the stronger the timber, the stronger the trees." // "may be become spiritually refined as we go through sunshine + sorrows." // "shall i falter or shall i finish?" 

holy. thomas s. monson was killing it per usual + had me tearing up within the first couple minutes. sigh.

"repentance is not a punishment. it is the hope filled path to a more glorious future.'' -- richard g. scott

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and voila! there you have it. 

inspired, uplifted, cinnamon rolls.

"what have you been up to, brooke?"

let it be noted : my computer is slowly dying. the disc drive is constantly jammed + it constantly overheats + my spacebar is testy. so! if my sentences all starttolooklikethis...you'll know why. darn you, steve jobs! (on another note, jeff + i saw his movie on monday at the dollar movie. one enthusiastic thumb up!)

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it's october. when exactly did this happen? like, i fully understand that it happened the day after september 30th but reaaaaaally?! i was just getting over summer + now i am all consumed in pumpkin spice everything and sweating from every pore in my body because utah can't decide what the weather is (mid-40's in the morning + 80 degrees in the afternoon? what do i even wear anymore?!).


now, for some catch-up:

:: i'm employed! i decided to get a job on a whim + am now working as a b.p. sale's associate at nordstrom aaaaaand blowing every paycheck on the new inventory because oops. i like it! i feel like passionately talking about leggings + the sweater of the month is kind of what i was made for. kind of.

:: i shot a wedding in northern california a week ago. i stayed with the bride's parents who were straight out of georgia. after only two hours of talking with them, i started talking with a heavy southern drawl + calling people yankees. woops.

:: 'fixed on drama' by m.a.c. dudes! get it! it makes you feel so dark + romantic + dreamy.

:: when did i become one of those people who coos over pretty sunrises?! i lived on a street called 'sunrise drive' for pete's sake! but lately utah has been delivering. also it's been like, a month since i started yoga + i've only audibly tooted once. in a silent class. full of people i didn't know. oh! the tragedy! we were moving from 'shoulder stand' to 'fish pose' + poof! out it came! namaste, yogis. namaste.

:: sexy gym date with my morgan boo. side note : this is a rare september moment where her + jeff weren't glued to the television watching breaking bad or texting feverishly about it. did you all watch the season finale?! jesse! be free!

...and that's about it. october! october! october!
(i drew a blank on how to gracefully end this. chanting the month of october just felt right.)

unsolicited marriage advice : find your happy, girl!

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you guys, i've been married a year now and am almost able to purchase alcohol // adopt a child // be elected as mayor (or all three! at the same time!)... most obviously this warrants me to pretend that i am fully of sage-y, marital wisdom. i've decided to start sharing my *completely unsolicited* marital advice. take it for what you will! some of it comes from my own personal experiences, some comes from my family // friends, and some comes from romantic comedies and real housewives of orange county. 

let's all get our eye rolls out now+ vote brooke stapleton for mayor in two thousand fifteen!

husbands are great for many things like killing spiders (...this is a lie. i am chief spider killer in this house!), telling you that no, the color yellow doesn't make you look like you have jaundice but does make you look like a giant parakeet, and encouraging ranty yelp posts. but here's a secret : they are not magic. i mean...sure. they can bring the magic now and then (heh, heh! get it?), but they themselves are not magic. fwhaaaa?!

let me explain : in my marriage + family class (what? it's interesting + i needed s'more credits. put down your judgy eyebrows!), we talked about how many people, especially young people, find themselves disappointed by marriage. though their spouse//partner may be a loyal + loving person, they find it all a little bit ... magic-less.

our teacher talked about how many people get married honestly + truly believing that their spouse is some sort of magician that will get rid of all of their problems once they get married. after they say i do, they will find themselves with all the drive in the world to mend their relationship with their sister. or after they say i do, they will magically grow strong testimony of the church of flying waffles + canadian bacon. or, most especially, once they say i do, all their personal problems + insecurities will disappear.

truth : jeff makes me feel like ten million dollars. truly! he is so complimentary of me + is as supportive as an entire cheer squad through all my fleeting interests + endeavors. he has helped me to like the things that i didn't love about myself before (wide hips are great for birthing! thick thighs can earn me a speed skating scholarship...maybe! scraggly hair is...i have a great personality?) + makes me feel appreciated five million times over.

*but*
i still have my issues! i still get mega-depressed after i eat big meals + still whip out ten million self-bashing if i catch a look at my reflection on a monday in an old navy dressing room mirror (mondays and i just don't love each other + old navy's lighting makes me look tired ). i am still wildly inpatient + still have no compassion for people who whine about referees. these things haven't gone away. if you aren't happy with yourself before you get married, you probably won't be happy later. eh? eh?

so, my unsolicited advice : love yourself first. get to know yourself! i've done very few things right in my life, but one thing i can mildly brag about is that i feel like i knew myself before jeff + genuinely liked myself before jeff. i loved my own company. like, a sickening amount. adding him to the mix just made it a giant love-fest of narcissism and selfies. a truly beautiful union. i know who i am as a person + know who i am as a wife. i don't feel like i've lost any bit of my identity, rather just added to it! a husband//boyfriend//partner//corgi won't make you happy, just happier. you have to find your happy first.
and i realize that last paragraph was one long, high-pitched toot of my own horn. deafening, really.
find your happy, girl!


now tell me how much you disagree in the comments. or don't. please don't. 
and i promise i only take myself mildly seriously. so laugh condescendingly if you must. 

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