unsolicited marriage advice : find your happy, girl!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

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you guys, i've been married a year now and am almost able to purchase alcohol // adopt a child // be elected as mayor (or all three! at the same time!)... most obviously this warrants me to pretend that i am fully of sage-y, marital wisdom. i've decided to start sharing my *completely unsolicited* marital advice. take it for what you will! some of it comes from my own personal experiences, some comes from my family // friends, and some comes from romantic comedies and real housewives of orange county

let's all get our eye rolls out now+ vote brooke stapleton for mayor in two thousand fifteen!

husbands are great for many things like killing spiders (...this is a lie. i am chief spider killer in this house!), telling you that no, the color yellow doesn't make you look like you have jaundice but does make you look like a giant parakeet, and encouraging ranty yelp posts. but here's a secret : they are not magic. i mean...sure. they can bring the magic now and then (heh, heh! get it?), but they themselves are not magic. fwhaaaa?!

let me explain : in my marriage + family class (what? it's interesting + i needed s'more credits. put down your judgy eyebrows!), we talked about how many people, especially young people, find themselves disappointed by marriage. though their spouse//partner may be a loyal + loving person, they find it all a little bit ... magic-less.

our teacher talked about how many people get married honestly + truly believing that their spouse is some sort of magician that will get rid of all of their problems once they get married. after they say i do, they will find themselves with all the drive in the world to mend their relationship with their sister. or after they say i do, they will magically grow strong testimony of the church of flying waffles + canadian bacon. or, most especially, once they say i do, all their personal problems + insecurities will disappear.

truth : jeff makes me feel like ten million dollars. truly! he is so complimentary of me + is as supportive as an entire cheer squad through all my fleeting interests + endeavors. he has helped me to like the things that i didn't love about myself before (wide hips are great for birthing! thick thighs can earn me a speed skating scholarship...maybe! scraggly hair is...i have a great personality?) + makes me feel appreciated five million times over.

i still have my issues! i still get mega-depressed after i eat big meals + still whip out ten million self-bashing if i catch a look at my reflection on a monday in an old navy dressing room mirror (mondays and i just don't love each other + old navy's lighting makes me look tired ). i am still wildly inpatient + still have no compassion for people who whine about referees. these things haven't gone away. if you aren't happy with yourself before you get married, you probably won't be happy later. eh? eh?

so, my unsolicited advice : love yourself first. get to know yourself! i've done very few things right in my life, but one thing i can mildly brag about is that i feel like i knew myself before jeff + genuinely liked myself before jeff. i loved my own company. like, a sickening amount. adding him to the mix just made it a giant love-fest of narcissism and selfies. a truly beautiful union. i know who i am as a person + know who i am as a wife. i don't feel like i've lost any bit of my identity, rather just added to it! a husband//boyfriend//partner//corgi won't make you happy, just happier. you have to find your happy first.
and i realize that last paragraph was one long, high-pitched toot of my own horn. deafening, really.
find your happy, girl!

now tell me how much you disagree in the comments. or don't. please don't. 
and i promise i only take myself mildly seriously. so laugh condescendingly if you must. 

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  1. This is actually perfect. I wholeheartedly agree to everything you said. I was totally one of those girls who thought marriage turned life into a perfect fairytale, so our first year was uh, a bit of a wake-up call? Wish there had been more discussion about this when I was dating!

  2. mayor vote is on lock. and i love this. come teach in my relief society please, because girls still are just struggling with this (and think all of their worth is dependent on a man? so hard.) amen amen.

  3. I TOTALLY AGREE!! and hope every young woman out there reads your blog because its real and ridiculously hilarious!

  4. wow. i completely agree with this 110%. i too often rely on my husband to make me feel good about myself, but when he's oblivious that i am feeling low on my self-esteem, i need to know how to love myself! great advice!


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