a funk.

(let it be noted :
1. this is a ramble, prepare.
2. the fact that i look all down + depressed in this picture is not intentional. ha! irony at it's finest!
3. try as you might, you will not keep me out of the boys' section at target. yes, target lady, i am aware that the women's section is thaaaaaaat way + that i have hips. and boobs.)
4. awkward wrist! i see it too! was i reaching for my pocket? my belt? belt...loops? cringe.

- - - - - - -

i would gladly get rid of my october. eleven months in 2013? i'll take it! i was in a funk this october. an unexplainable + seemingly unshakable funk. i felt as if my october was so blaaaaaaand. like, pass the salt october!

the funkiest part of my funk came when i was driving home from work late + i rear-ended the car in front of me. well, love-tapped it (i'm holdin' to that!). oh, the horror! i felt like everything i was holding up + all my effort to just be happy + just keep going came crashing down on me. i sobbed! sobbed, i tell you! fun fact about brooke : i rarely cry. seriously! rarely! partially because there isn't much that makes me sad but mostly because crying is a whole lot of effort, y'know? (except for in movie theaters. i am a big movie theater crier) but when i do, oh lanta. is it a sight! my mother once told me that she hates watching me cry because, obviously, it is depressing but also because she thinks i am going to die. literally, die. i start hyperventilating + my face goes numb aaaaand cue the panic attack. it's bizarre.

anyways!
i'm driving home + i love tap the car in front of me. i am already so, so tired from work + so, so hungry. i'm holding it together + then the policeman asks me where i am from + poof, tears! i can't breath! help! me! he leaves me panting in my car + i stuff some sour watermelon candy in my mouth. so now i can't breathe + i have the ugliest pucker + the people in the car who i hit are staring at me like a crazy person. heaven help me. ha! it was a sight!

but! this was a turning point? i think?
i almost felt like i finally came to terms with the fact that i had been down all month. "my name is brooke + i have been in a funk all october. hear me roar." 
i'm slowly learning that it is okay to not have everything together all the time + to not alllllllways be happy + not alllllllways be funny. it's okay to not know all the answers all at once + to be a bit vulnerable at times. and it's also okay to take a breather from life + blogging + to know the workers at sodalicious by name. it's all okay + it's all going to be okay.

i feel like i owe it to my posterity + to 2013 to find some good lessons out of october. here's what i've learned (besides the aforementioned 'it's all going to be okay, yadda yadda') :

what october taught me : 
:: robbing this quote + subbing in 'happiness' from good ol' dieter f. : "[happiness...light?] rarely comes to those who merrily sit in the darkness waiting for someone to flick the switch." okay, i kind of
:: my mama + my jeffrey + the big man upstairs are good friends who always want to help + to listen.
botched the quote by subbing in happiness, but you get what i am saying!
:: i don't do well with routine.
:: people want to help if you let them.
:: it's okay to not feel okay.


aren't we proud of me? talking about emotions + the warm and fuzzies? my mom challenged me to be more real with people. not, like, annoyingly ranty + depressing facebook status type-real but not pretending that everything is awesome alllllllll the time type-real. because some octobers just suck + just because they suck, doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about them. or something.

also, for the record, i am liking my november. november can stay.
also also, for the record, if anyone brings up this post to me + tries to give me hug of sorts, i will act like you are crazy + tell you that everything is just...awesome. baby steps ;). (kidding, kidding)