anyways, i forfeited thirteen hours and twenty three minutes of my life to jeffrey stapleton. and the star wars. i remember when we started dating and the fact that i had never seen the star wars came to the surface, it was almost and actually a deal breaker. since then, i have avoided the subject at all costs. but he kept reminding me that, as marshall eriksen said so poetically, "the only people in the universe who haven't seen the star wars are the characters in the star wars...and that's 'cause they lived 'em!"
so i watched them. i did! well, partially! it was rough. and i fell asleep a few times and occasionally would browse my instagram feed underneath a blanket. but it's done + and it's over + now can we move on from this and focus on my other qualities? the fact that i had never seen the star wars really started to eclipse 'em.
and now, life lessons i've learned from the star wars: (scroll, scroll!)
- never underestimate the super-hairy, the seemingly illiterate, or the small + green. they might just sacrifice their life and save your son!
- bras are not a priority in advanced societies. at all.
- drug-smuggling vagabonds and boys with stalker-like tendencies (and rat tails!) will always get the girl. this is me shaking my head at the female gender.
- that bartender was totally a racist.
- when in doubt, throw on a gold bikini.
- shoot, these movies are long.
- old people are locked vaults when it comes to secrets. your father could very well be the most powerful man in the galaxy + you could very well be kissing your estranged brother...and your weird great uncle just hasn't bothered to tell you? elderly people are the literal worst.
- hans shoots first.
- don't play with open fire or anything dangerous while jeff is watching the star wars. because he truly and honestly won't care or avert his eyes from the television.
- "size matters not." ...except sometimes. winky face.