the front camera was the worst thing that ever happened to me. also, i'm a narcissist i guess?

so here's the skinny: i positively hate every picture of myself. have you seen that friends episode where chandler's smile becomes completely unnatural every time any one tries to take a picture? that's me. i suck in my nose, curl under my upper lip, and get these crazy eyes that make me look like a savage woman. no, but seriously.

however, i love the front camera. love it. due to my high fiber diet and the fact that i am three-fourths allergic to everything, i spend a lot of time in the bathroom. please, please; don't feel sorry for me! i've gotten used to it! i read blogs, play games (play me in scramble with friends?), and most importantly, take selfies.

and here is my stockpile (mind you, this is just since september...):

(i was trying to cheat the celebrity face matcher and look like hermoine granger here. fail.)

(the pepsi? my running shoes? the giant apple? i have an obsession for kissing things...?)

...i know, i know! your eyes have rolled so many times they are now in orbit. is that a thing? can that be a thing? i don't actually know what my obsession is. but it's out of control. intervention, please? or not?

no mas brain juice.

(i just found this picture in the dusty and ignored archives of my computer storage; what the heck was i doing?)

i'm out of brain juice these days, plumb out! i feel like my brain is working double-time simply to remember wait, why am i at the grocery store again? you know? at the end of the day, i am exhausted from the mundane details (and dance central three-- my muscular (read: big) thighs are really idyllic for dirty-dancing). 

but really funny stuff has been happening as of late. like, golden. jeff turned to me last night as we were watching up all night (i'll say it until i'm hoarse: jeff is chris brinkley) and said "we really should have a television show about us!" (i know, i know. we are so self-absorbed; but f'real! these past couple weeks have been funny (pronounced funn-ay, won't you kindly?).

for example... 

we had these neighbors who were, let's just say...morning people. if you know what i mean. do you know what i mean? (we have thin walls at our complex, THIN walls!) they are actually probably the nicest people but at this point, i don't think even the most impressive plate of cookies could have repaired our relationship. it was all just kind of awkward. ha. anyways, we were walking in from church a few weeks ago and all of a sudden a snowball gets hurled at our window and barely misses jeff's head. jeff's eyes got all wide and he quickly rushes inside and locks the door and whispers, "oh no! oh no! we can not open the door to that kind of snowball-fight relationship!" at first i was like what?! and then i nodded furiously in agreement; if that snowball-fight door is opened, what's next? bantering back and forth? doorbell ditching? or, heaven forbid, tickle fights?!

and...

i think i have been stealing from a food drive run through my work? like, i feel terrible.but there is no sign and the pile is sort of measly so i just thought that someone had some unwanted cans of food and thought 'hey! i'll lug all of these into work to share!' it really makes no sense, i know. perhaps it was just my severe case of the midday munchies that blinded me from the fact that it is a food drive. for the needy. because it's christmas time.  ...but yum, was that wild rice + chicken soup good. 

and also...

we teach sunday school. unfortunately. like, i like parts of it; having the spotlight for the hour! hand selecting the treats! the awkward silences filled with poor joke attempts! anyways, the thing about teaching sunday school is you should probably know what you are talking about? i had no idea. jeff leaned over to me the night before while i was scarfing down an omelet and informed me we were teaching in seven hours and we should probably get something ready? we taught about the scattering and gathering of israel...i think? i filled the time up by asking questions i didn't know the answers to really loudly (why do i get loud when i'm nervous?!) and raving about the treats i (...my mother...) made. it was an awkward hour. but we set the bar real low so we can only go up, right?

and on a completely unrelated note, tonight morgan, jeff + i hiked y-mountain (morgan had never done it before!) and rewarded ourselves with kfc. fun fact: their grilled chicken is actually quite delicious and oprah endorses it.

also the photobooth self portrait gave me a brilliant idea: i think i'm going to devote a post this week to all of the unpublished selfies i have taken? like, it's a laughable amount. 

thanksgiving-ing.

my body has this uncontrollable chemical reaction to winter where it decides to soften and sag. it's as if my body is conditioned to naturally gains ten pounds to keep me warm during the cold holiday season in idaho and utah. or perhaps it's that all i ever want to eat is bread? that could be it. but i'm not complaining! there's something comforting, endearing almost?, about a little squish here and there. mostly there.

but that's besides the point.

the point is that during my thanksgiving break in sunny southern california, i donned a swimsuit and sandals (oh, another side-effect of winter is heinous feet that even the most moisturizing lotion can't fix). i know! i wasn't psychologically prepared for this! i had mentally prepared myself to wear three layers, at least, for the next...seven months? but man, was it nice! like, i think we've been doing thanksgiving all wrong where i'm from all of these years. we've been missing out on shoving our untanned, unshaven, and unkempt silhouettes into one-pieces (or two-pieces, depending on your self-control with a bread-bowl) all of these years! the thought! ;)

and can we all cross our fingers that m(ustache)ovember will, in fact, end in november? please?

p.s. is that not the cutest baby? jeff's brother + his wife heidi have set the bar unnaturally high for child-expectations. all i can promise is that our child will have prominent eyebrows and short attention span. see?  doomed.

and for that, i am thankful (part 3!)

+ thanksgiving. i love this holiday...or maybe i just love a day made for sleeping, snacking, napping, and indulging? 

+ in-laws who conveniently live in beautiful southern california. and are kick-butt. (no, but seriously i lucked out! like, what if they were from north dakota or something? ...does anyone even live in north dakota?)

+ ...and not to brag, but we are experiencing some heavenly weather. i went running this morning in shorts and a tank top...let that marinate for a bit. 

+ ...and not to brag again, but their house is stocked full of fresh fruit and we have a television in our room loaded with e! and bravo.... hallelujah. 

+ food. i've finally came out of my food coma and am no longer filled with stomach-aching regret and can retrospectively appreciate our thanksgiving day spread. sweet potatoes topped with caramelized pecans? shoot. me. dead. oh, and i'm thankful for stretchy pants, too. 

+ my jeff and our little life we've got going on.
+ that i can kind of, sort of see the light at the end of the never-ending tunnel called statistics class (cross your fingers i pass...now seriously, please?). 

+ my new layout! isn't it cool? it's coming along quite nicely all thanks to maggie (complaining about your lack of html knowledge apparently pays off!). but mostly i'm thankful for maggie. she wins the nicest person ever award.

+ our sweet little apartment in provo-town (and how it's located right next to my friends!).

+ my family (and snapchat for helping me to miss them less) and the fact that i get to see them SOON! 

+ ...that we can now officially start preparing for the christmas season. who's out-of-their-mind excited?!

because he's always wanted to make out in the music-practice rooms...

 dear jeff: i love you, you modern day renaissance man.

life with you is one long serenade.

one occasionally off-key yet completely perfect serenade.

(p.s. i hope our offspring inherit your musical abilities--

if not they can just clap wildly alongside me.)

sweet, sweet june...

there's something about old people that just gets me. today at my first day with meals-on-wheels (look grandma reynolds! i'm doing something nice!) i think i had a handful of heart palpitations over the cuteness. i met with my trainer at the senior center this afternoon and was immediately greeted with a warm hello and the smell of perfectly portioned 600-calorie lunches (today they were serving fishsticks + potato wedges!). we hopped in her kia and started on our route.

vickie, that's her name, gave me a quick briefing of the elderly people on the route; "erma's kind of a hoarder, nellie will always try and feed you...don't accept..., kathy just got a pacemaker, and norma recently lost her husband."

oh.

when we arrived at the first house, the sweetest old lady answered and immediately told us all about the problems with her catheter. before we left, she gave us a plate of brownies and neighborhood comment and remarked how very loud my voice was...dangit...

the next old man was perfectly grumpy. he was blind in one eye and had a television bigger than my small blue camry. he explained to us that if he sat any closer to the television, he would be on the other side! 

but our last stop was my favorite. sweet, sweet june. june answered the door in a loud floral mumu and danced her way to the couch. she started telling us about her latest adventure: toaster ovens. she had picked one up at the thrift store that week and was just itching to cook something, anything, in it. 

"june, you are always so happy. why are you so happy?" vickie asked as june perched on the edge of the couch with a walker to her left. she had the biggest smile on her face.

"well, there's no other way to be, now is there? all you can really do is keeping moving, praying, and smiling. that's it." june replied.

she wished us a happy, happy thanksgiving and asked vickie to dance with her a bit before she left. june swayed side to side and laughed hysterically. 

sweet, sweet june! as vickie and i drove off we talked about getting old. 

"don't you just want to be a june?" vickie asked me.

.................................................

isn't that just the sweetest? i just want to be a june! wear a busy mumu unapologetically and exude happiness like sweet, sweet june.

p.s.  i secretly wanted to be at the midnight showing of twilight tonight. secretly. 

p.p.s. the said-hoarder really was a hoarder! it was crazy!  apparently she has a cat too. somewhere? 

p.p.p.s. happy happy day for my cousin sean! she's engaged!

on luke (must be said in a comically deep voice, please...)

i'm entirely neutral about the harry potter series but always go see the movies in theaters. partially because of the movie popcorn and partially because one time a boy told me i looked like hermione granger? (i don't buy in to it; i gloated to my friends about it and they all immediately assured me i look nothing like her -- let me have my hermione moment, will you?)

but i always remember the scene where harry is confronted with the grand staircase. do you remember that part? ...or was it even harry? anyways, the staircase moves and shifts to get you wherever you are going. and you do think i look kind of like hermione, don't you? (i texted my jack-friend to ask him if his opinions have changed and he said not a chance. poo!)

anyways, last night i was reading in luke in the new testament. oh, luke. i've always had such a crush on that name. my mom refuses to say the name in any other way than with a comically deep bark "luke," she bellows. "it must be said luke." oh? 

luke is one of my favorite books of the new testament (thus far), especially chapters 11 + 12. when i'm reading the bible (it can be so terribly confusing! women eating their children? talking donkeys? and don't get me started on king solomon and all his wives...!), i like to just coast. you know what i mean, though? just glaze over and thank you matthew, i will leave my net and follow! and you desire foreskins, saul? how very interesting? 

...to be inside my brain...

i'm convinced that luke is like the magical grand staircase in harry potter. last night, as i was reading and sort of, kind of skimming through oprah's favorite things and deciding i want to live my life in such a way that i can spend hundreds of dollars on scented candles and teensy succullents luke told me:

"brooke, shut your can up and stop being so darn materialistic and such!"

...well, no he didn't. is that sac-religious? but he basically did. 

luke actually said: 

"layeth up treasure for [you, brooke!] in heaven, ...a treasure in heavens that faileth not, where no theif approacheth...for where your treasure is, there will be your heart also." 

oh, luke? but haven't you seen oprah's favorite things this year, luke?

and then i got to thinking, what do i truly treasure? cable knit sweaters, soap sets, and thee cutest little gourmet pigs-in-a-blanket? i mean, what treasures are waiting up in heaven for me besides a few gold stars  (sometimes i hold the door open for people?)(oh! and today i patted an inconsolable stranger on the back and asked her if she was okay! ...she wasn't. um? what's step two?)?

crap, luke. you up and ruined my christmas list...

but don't you kind of see it, though?

...yeah, me neither.