i'm an awful date.

Monday, January 27, 2014

- - - - -

in theory, i am actually the worst date ever. i really am. 

i know this because i have some experience in awful dates. for example...
  • i drove around for an hour while the boy pointed out all the buildings his family owned. he also told me his parents were about to buy him an audi. i thought he was talking about his belly button + got through the night by chuckling over belly-button reconstructive surgery. 
  • i hiked 2.5 miles. the sentence could end there and still be in the worst date category, but there's more! we came to a clearing + he asked to kiss me + i said no + we hiked 2.5 miles down in silence in a single-file line, von trapp style (sans matching curtain-outfits, unfortunately). 
  • i once went on a date where the boy told me the highlight of his life was getting his wisdom teeth out + decided to sing me his favorite skrillex songs. hmm, okay.
and while those dates were awful, the boys at least let me talk about myself for three quarters of the night + bought me a diet coke...and a hamburger? how odd. in all those dates, i ordered a hamburger. hamburgers are my comfort food, i s'pose.

but me? i'm straight up awful waffle. in another life, jeff is going to write a book + it will be confirmed that i am five-parts insane. i already have my suspicions. also, when that book becomes a movie, i request jennifer lawrence to play the part of me. amen and amen. one chapter of the book will be dedicated to date nights with brooke. he will write a long list of all my requirements + it will be scathingly honest. this will be an exerpt from friday, 

friday january 24th

we drove around for two hours while brooke violently 'yelped' reviews for the himalayan kitchen and spice bistro. in the end she angrily decided on the kathmandu and continually hacked the pronunciation. upon sitting down, i began to tell her a story of my week in which she told me that the couple next to us met on match.com (k guys, they really did!) and the couple behind us were set up by friends and having the most awful time. five minutes into my story, she shushed me to listen to the heart-warming story of the divorced man next to us. oh, great. 

and from saturday, 

saturday january 25th 

brooke wanted to go on a  date tonight in which i obliged. her reasoning? because saturday sounds like satur-date. when will she understand that you can do that with every other day of the week? 


what an ill-delivered idea.

for all of you that kept scrolling, you are of the elite. fist-pumps + kisses + what possessed you to read through that fake journal entry? 

but actually, i am really not that bad. i'm not a high maintenance dater. oh, no. but i do have some requirements : fountain drinks, some form of sugar, witty banter, + a slew of iphone photos, sometimes. these are must-must-musts. added bonuses : a catchy name for the night (temple + treats, skating + spaghetti, sex + sex)(just kidding on that last one), matching, + full radio control. also we can not go bowling. i just hate bowling. 

...some day my blog posts will have more of a post. but probably not. 
while i'm here, my here are my favorite places to eat in the area : 

chanon thai :: slc (massaman curry, pad thai, + thom kha)
cubby's :: provo (beet + goat cheese salad // tri-tip salad // rosemary fries)
sodalicious :: provo (diet coke + vanilla + lemons and/or diet mango mtn. and/or the second wife + a chocolate fudge cookie. okay.)
wallaby's :: lindon (dinner rolls the size of your head + bbq)
sam hawk korean resaturant :: provo :: bulgogi? i don't even know what else i get. but it's good + filling + fun to eat. 
red iguana :: slc (chips, salsa, and mole)

and my chain restaurant favorites : 

cheesecake factory (bread + tuna salad, oh honey!)
paradise bakery (they're coconut + chocolate chip cookie)
rumbi's island grill (steak + chicken brown rice bowl, extra veggies, lots of sriacha)
the fancy wendy's on state (i don't even care. i love their salad + junior frosty, no judgement)

and, scene. 


  1. hahaha seriously your posts are the best. please don't change them.


be nice?


© simply brooke All rights reserved . Design by Blog Milk Powered by Blogger