airplane lies.

traveling is my favorite thing.

 

and i don’t say that to make me sound all adventurous and exotic and interesting and wily (but if it does: BONUS!)(…this reminds me of a REAL date that ACTUALLY happened where a blast from the EFY past rolled into town and took me on a 45 minute date…where we sat outside of the dorms…and asked me if i liked traveling because he wanted his future wife to travel the world with him? now i will go back to suppressing that memory forever and ever). because i am not. i have only been out of country once and that was canada and they didn’t even have canadian bacon.

when i say i like traveling, i mean that i like the airports, and the overpriced food (there is no such thing as a wendy’s value menu at airports!), and the moving walkways that make you feel so speedy, and the airplane bathrooms, and the obligatory conversation with the person next to you.

yesterday i sat at the very front of the plane (the leg room!) in between two men flying back from san diego that had a very different interpretation of how to dress for the weather.

the man to my right was middle-aged and wore shorts and sandals with socks. he was initially my favorite until he kept self-consciously assuring the rest of the plane that he was wearing shorts “because he thought we were going to landing in the daylight.” he lived in lewiston and worked at safeway and gave me a business card for his marketing buisness he was going to start-up (i had no idea what to do with it so i shoved it in a copy of the skymall).

the other wore a beanie, parka, and running shoes. he was moving to nicaragua in six months, ordered a ‘naughty cup of jack-coke’, was a certified sky-diver, loved to work out and lift weights, felt like he wasn’t challenged enough in college, liked to light his couch on fire after football games, and was, i’m guessing, an active and devout member of every fraternity on frat row.

i am nearly positive he was pulling my leg. which is fair because i pulled his leg hard.

i was wearing my glasses. embodying my glasses, really (they’re SO fake). i had my book that i had no intention of reading out and kept pushing my glasses up the crook of my nose and was acting all young and tortured because why not? he asked me what year i was in school and i replied that i was in my ‘fourth semester’ because that sounds fancier. he asked what i was studying and i said that my problem was i was too good and interested in everything: animal abuse, cosmetology, women’s studies, preschool teaching–how could i choose one thing?! i said that jimmer was nice (true-ish) and that he was in my d&c class last year (FALSE!) and that i had been to dubai and it was nice and desolate and there was an indoor ski place.

he was as unimpressed with me as i was with him. he drank his jack-coke, smirked to himself (he could tell my glasses were fake…i just know it!), and slept for the rest of the plane ride.

and then the guy next to my right turned and told me how he thought we were going to land in the daylight…

but i love traveling? and the obligatory conversations?

no matter. now i am home! and happy besides the fact that all of my electronics are boycotting working! and rethinking my fake glasses! and fully aware that this post was only marginally funny and really long!