things i want my sisters to know.

Don’t you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness that you are. -Jo Blackwell-Preston

happy things.

My mother helped me move down to Provotown and we spent the week munching on crispy green beans from P.F. Chang’s and mushroom burgers from Smashburger. Freshman orientation is finally over which hopefully means that the extreme enthusiasm will calm down a bit and I will no longer have to hug people I have never met before (I don’t like hugging people I just met; it’s such a commitment, being so well-endowed and all…).

Anyways, keeping in theme with uninspired posts, here’s a bunch of pictures of things that make me really happy (and that are also all conveniently in a 4-foot radius of me in my little cozy dorm room):  

1. calf-hair cheetah print loafers…on my feets!; 2. new, most-favorite M.A.C. lipstick, chatterbox. a girl at p.f. chang’s was wearing this and i’m so glad my obscene friendliness paid off!; 3. new theme! do you like it? it’s sophisticated, like buying in bulk!; 4. idaho! it’s fabric and it irons right on to the wall and my mom made it and it’s so cool (DIY here); 5. a little farewell card from my mother where she discloses that i am, in fact, the golden child; 6. pink lady apples! basket!

i want autumn.

Disclaimer: this post is seriously uninspired.

Moving everything into my dorm has left me a sweaty, hot, and tired mess. All I keep thinking about is how excited I am for fall weather and fall fashion. I can’t wait to whip out some deep forest green nail polish and red lipstick and throw on a cape, leather Peter Pan collar, chiffon button up, black dress (I missed black over the summer…), faux-fur vest, and some calf-hair loafers (maybe not all together…but probably).

Everything about fall is more delicious than the summer swass I’m suffering from.

the real college experience?

In Provotown, I live in my own little bubble of happy-go-luckiness where the shorts are to the knees and the Diet Cokes are caffeine free (I realize I’m exhausting this subject). In my little bubble, handfuls of pregnant people roam the aisles of Macy’s frozen food section at midnight and restaurants are closed on Sundays. In my little bubble, eyes are trained to look at the left ring finger and coming from a family of eight is no longer a gut-buster.

With all that said, during my power-vacation back to Moscow, I thought a little Provo-detox was in order; I was losing my edge and beginning to coo over precious things like kittens and babies and cringe at the sound of curse words that used to make me giggle. I felt like my life was turning into a mini-Disneyland(without lines and inevitable family freakouts, even!).

Thus(!), the Real College Experience. Thus, Stubblefield’s Summer Fun Foam Party. A Thursday night filled with smutty outfits, provocative dancing, and…foam. College, Real college.

At 9:00, I began searching for my perfect clubbing outfit that would highlight my best features: my personality and intellect. I decided on khaki shorts that hit just above the knee and a black shirt with some gladiators achieving the ‘risque-tourist’ look that I wasn’t aiming for. I then contemplated brushing my hair, applied 4 layers of mascara, and swiped on deodorant, for good measure. Watch out, Stubblefields!

10:00 rolled around and I was truly ready to get down. Granted I had been for the last hour; my naivety to The Real College Experience became apparent–when did all fun things commence after 11?

Finally, 11. As I drove over there with my burly crew in tow, I began brainstorming ways of incorporating the foam into my sexy dance moves. When we arrived at 11:20, I was highly intimidated. So many legs, so many midriffs, so much…foam. I knew I had to act cool and quickly headed toward the dance floor where I rotated through my only known salacious dance moves that included a lot of popping, locking, jazz hands and The Overbite.

From 11:20-1:45 I stared at lots at couples on the dance floor, in the cages, and on the couches. I also choked on the foam(incorporating foam into my dance moves: fail.) repeatedly. I averaged around seven panicked bathroom trips where I covered the toilet in three layers of toilet paper and checked my favorite mommy blogs.

In other words, my early bedtime habits, fear of tight spaces, and knack for being The Anti-Sexy are clearly not suitable to The Real College Experience. I’m just too lame.

In other words, I am headed back to my Provotown tonight. And I will be sipping caffeine-free Diet Coke(lie) and singing Disney show tunes the whole way back(serious lie).

 

Disclaimer: this post was a little exaggerated. Provotown really isn’t that Disney. And I’m not really that un-sexy; well, maybe.

summer, as told by my phone.

1. The large $1.67 Diet Coke I would drag myself across the street to Wendy’s for when I got real desperate (the caffeine free Diet Coke offered all over BYU campus was just not conducive to my lifestyle).
2. Routine mid-day nap: ruined!
3. San Francisco with my brothers. Is that a gang sign of sorts, Chad?
4. The forsaken psychology class that occupied my Monday and Wednesday mornings and was also the recipient of all words cursed during my BYU experience.
5. My father breaking up the wedding day preparation with a cheer about…weddings?
6. Reading. Reading. Reading. How did I just discover Life of Pi?
7. Pie day in cooking class! Mine is the square one. Hey, I passed…with a B+.
8. Fish tacos that blew my mind in Laguna (no Kristen, no LC; just fish tacos).
9. One of the manymanymany pictures I sent to my mom to prove that I was, indeed, making an effort to look like I was not born in a barn.
10. One of the manymanymany pictures I sent my mom to prove that I was wearing makeup. And that my hair had grown!
11. The lovely Three Arch beach in Laguna. I could have just stayed there forever.
12. A lovely view of the great Salt Lake City from a rock that reminded me of the Lion King. A Rafiki/Simba reenactment soon followed.
13. The most charming little boy ever who told me that I was his “ Fourth of July girlfriend.” Now if only I could find a “Christmas,” “Birthday,” and “Valentine’s Day” boyfriend.
14. Tina Fey’s Bossypants accompanying me to a quick trip to Portland, Oregon. Miss Fey earned me a total of 342 strange looks in the airport when I would burst out laughing over and over again.
15. I’m a hoarder…but it all fit! Now lets just cross our fingers for my fall wardrobe.
16. Snapping a quick and creepy picture of my friend Phil at Walmart. Just look at that outfit? I could die.
17. One of the manymanymany jobs that I applied for while in Provo. I believe this one is to be a janitor at a Laundromat. My diminishing bank account has no shame.
18. For a few days I pretended to like running long distances willingly and obviously had to document the rare moment.
19. Shopping at my favorite store in Moscow, The Storm Cellar, and scoring a wonderfully sheer white dress. Score! It is also polyester. Score?
20. Finally back in Moscow for a few days realizing that nothing has changed in Moscow…besides a frozen yogurt place! We are officially a town! (Alpine vanilla yogurt, granola, coconut flakes, mangoes, kiwi, and every berry offered topped with a little bit of honey—heaven in a bowl).
21. Oh! One more thing changed. Jason wears man tanks now. And also lives in Hawaii. That’s almost as great as a frozen yogurt place, almost.

my summer: a pizza.

 

January 7th: The day that Britney Spear’s released her brilliantly mainstream single ‘Hold it Against Me’ for the whole world to hear.

I remember how confused I was that day, sweet January 7th, driving my light blue Corolla across the icy streets of Moscow to procure an equally icy $1.06 Diet Coke at McDonald’s. The radio was dialed to the always-trusty Z-Fun 106.1 and the playlist had been a rotating mix of Lil Wayne, T-Pain, and annoyance.
Still driving, the music became apart of the background; nothing but mere noise. Until my ears were met with sweet, sweet bliss and felt like they were in ear drum heaven. Britney Spears was blaring over my sound system (ALL CAPS!) Could that be Britney? Has she finally come back? BRITNEY?! I was so excited to hear her voice again, singing raunchy lyrics in a sexy voice to a catchy beat–the familiarity felt like the wearing the coziest, most favorite-est sweater after a long, hot summer.
But then I remember thinking: Wait…I don’t even really like Britney. Why am I so excited to hear her? Why are my inner thoughts in italics?

Answer: Because she left. And shaved her head. And popped out a few children. And was once married to K-Fed. And now she’s back.

Perhaps I was trying to generate the same feelings with the few blog readers that I have. I wanted you guys to miss me and my raunchy lyrics just liked I missed Britney; I wanted you to forget how much you really didn’t like me and be blinded by your cravings for my return.
And I’m back! Fortunately during my three-month blog hooky I didn’t shave my head or have a baby or get married to a back up dancer. I did, however, have the best summer of my life to date! I feel like I did so much and combined so much great stuff into one that it should be illegal; my summer was like a romantic-comedy-drama that starring Meryl Streep, Dianne Keaton, Meg Ryan AND Jennifer Anniston. And Ryan Gosling. Set in Italy. With a wonderful soundtrack and lovely resolve. A movie that makes you pee your pants laughing and cry from happiness and sadness and allergies-ness.
Or maybe it’s like a pizza. That has pepperoni and sweet onions and bell peppers and sausage and pineapple and pine nuts and bacon and basil and pesto and a thin crust dough and tomato-y sauce and mushrooms, lots of mushrooms (‘lots of mushrooms’: that is not a hint about how I spent my summer…mind you, I was at BYU). But it also has zero calories and doesn’t cause my stomach to break out in WWIII fifteen minutes later. Yeah, like a pizza.
In other words, it was too good to be true.
And now it’s over.
And now I’m back…and craving pizza.