vegabonds (see what i did there?)

all last week i was bursting at the seams. i had planned a list minute getaway to vegas for the semester break. jeff had been putting in some nauseatingly long hours at the computer lab and i was anxious to steal him away for some undivided attention. well, mostly undivided -- our hotel room had cable and boy, have we been missin' out!

when we were driving home, we realized that we did basically everything we do in provo: feed my fountain soda addiction, go grocery shopping, walk around aimlessly, see dollar movies we really aren't interested (but warm bodies! that was good!). but we did it vegas-style so that counts for something, no?

anyways, here's a buttload of pictures. like, a buttload. feel free to scroll.

we stayed at a timeshare a bit off the strip. i think we were the youngest people there by, like, 95 years. 

...eh, we are messy. also i grocery shop like such a woman. poor, poor jeff.

cable, y'all. 

we were matching! in bro tanks? ...what happens in vegas?

the boiling crab! we got a pound of crawfish and destroyed them. i am still not entirely sure if you were supposed to eat the brains? do they have brains? 

we explored a bit and found this sweet park with a flash flood...precautionary...pool? i don't really know what it was. but it was sweet. feel free to roll your eyes at the hipster vibes of these pictures. if it's any consolation  we were chatting about the kardashians the entire time (did anyone see their tell-all with ryan seacrest?!).

the dirty dr. pepper! like, what?! mind. blown. 

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viva! las vegas! 

all i wanted to do was give her chopped up meat loaf! (also: ikea!)

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i went to ikea alone today...

never again.

yep, it was still soul-sucking. perhaps even worse? maybe it was due to the fact that my mom requested that i pick-up the world's most awkwardly shaped furniture + home goods for her. i was smackin' aisles of succulents + bumpin' into people left and right. also it was twenty minutes before closing and none of the employees really cared to help me find 'fyrkantig' and 'grundtal' (dang swedes.)

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in other news, i don't know quite what to make of this yet; i kind of want to crawl under my covers and laugh until i gasp for air over it but also it's sort of sad but mostly it just makes me think huh? why do these things seem to follow me? 

a few weeks ago i was emailed and told that i had earned my very own meals-on-wheels route. fist pump! it was a small feat for me; especially in the volunteer-dense happy valley i live in. dang utahans. anyways, today i delivered the route for the first time on my very own. oh, happy praises! i was wearing a tunic that hid the actual shape of my body and leggings that are actually running pants, or at least i'm mostly sure? oh! and let it be known! i ran a comb through my hair! 

sue was the first person on my list -- sue! sweet, sweet sue! who can't have dairy and needs her meat pre-cut! i bet she'll greet me with fruitcakes and antique lampshades and old-lady smell! 

but then i got there. dudes, there is no way to properly tell this story. let me just cut to it. 

SHE WAS DEAD. or dying? i pulled up to her house with meals in hand and awkwardly navigated my way around the emt's. 

hey, is sue here? i'm with meals-on-wheels! i volunteer! i am relevant! this makes up for all my wrong-doings and sips that i steal at fountain drink machines! or all those times i accidentally take the bags from ikea! 

the emt stared at me. in retrospect, i think he thought i was being sarcastic? like, how could i not pick up on the fact that the lady was being wheeled into the ambulance at the very moment.

i barged into the house anyways and set the meal in the fridge, just like i was trained to do. like a robot, guys! what is wrong with me?! oh, sue. 

life! death! chopped up meatloaf bits! life! sue! 

...and that's my slightly morbid story. 

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if you were to marry a jeff stapleton (pt. II)

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if you were to marry a jeff stapleton, expect:

1. rolling your eyes hard while suppressing laughter when he blasts 'the lazy song' by bruno mars for the fifth morning in a row and declares that for some reasons he just feels like he shouldn't do anything today? maybe just lay here in bed? he doesn't feel like picking up the phone, leave a message at the tone? 
2. dinners that make you scratch your head (with gratitude?). tuna melts + orange smoothies! chicken dumplings + steak! spaghetti + sushi!
3. made-up songs for everything and anything, mostly to the tune of 'stronger' by kanye west.
4. quotes. lots and lots of quotes. be it inspirational star wars ramblings or a text patterned after an update on gossip girl (my new text-name is 'b' -- i'm mostly okay with it...) or vague saturday night live quotes from a mediocre sketch. 
5. humble brags. they're cute?
6. furrowed eyebrows that will make you think for the first few months of marriage that he is angry, but really just indicate that he is focusing. le duh. you'll usually spot them when he is cleaning, studying, baking, or dancing. 
7. the latest bed-time in the history of man. holy, night owl! 
8. jealousy over his long + lean legs. if only! crossing my fingers that our kids aren't cursed with my tree trunks and dive into the gold mine of a gene pool that is jeff stapleton.
9. wearing out your welcome hard. jeff stapleton has trouble ending conversations + leaving; he hasn't embraced + mastered the irish exit quite like i have (i don't return from most bathroom breaks ;))
10. lots of smiles + head bobbing, because he's just happy to be there! 

p.s. you lucky dog! jeff stapletons are a rare and wonderful breed. 

read pt. one here. 

the mysterious yet illustrious ways of a velour tracksuit.

let it be known: my mid-march resolution to kick diet coke altogether quickly faded into a resolution to lessen the amount of diet cokes i drink a day (maybe get the 32 oz. instead of the 44 oz.?) which quickly faded into a big, fat screw it.

after four hours of sleep and a heated discussion about the state of chuck and blair, i woke up a bit slap-happy. everything was bright, everything was cheery, and good heavens! has six a.m. always felt this good? before getting to school, i headed to my most-favorite will's pit stop to get a diet dr. pepper. right as i sleepily got out of my car, a fancy car pulled up right beside me and nearly ran over my foot. no matter. onwards!

i went straight to the fountain drink station to fill up my refill cup and stole a few sips or five. while my face was in my cup, i felt a tap on my shoulder and whipped my head around. shoot. i knew sip-stealing would eventually catch up to me...

"i nearly killed you this morning!" said an old man in a matching velour sweat suit. it was forest green.
"ha. no worries. it's early! i hardly noticed because i was on such a mission to get my soda-fix."
"you have to get the diet coke + a little squirt of real coke. they have the best stuff here."
"yes! the flavor to fizz ratio is unprecedented!* i always tell my friends about it!"
"best in town! their ice is lacking though."

my stars. i stared at him as if i had fallen in love + met my idol + realized i hadn't brushed my teeth this morning, shoot? to be retired! in a velour sweat suit! chatting up a young girl about flavor to fizz ratios and pebbled ice! to be retired. to boldly and proudly wear a matching sweat suit in forest green, for pete's sake.

he peeled out in his fancy car and gave me a wave. did i just meet an angel? do angels wear velour? can i be retired already? i stood there breathless and dreamed up my life as a retiree. mostly it involved lots of sweatsuits and reclining bikes.
...then i realized i was about fifty years away from any sort of retirement and thirty minutes late to work. oops.

cheers! to velour sweatsuits!

*i didn't actually use the word 'unprecedented.' i don't make intelligent sentences until after ten a.m., thank you.

bring the buckets by the dozen || in which morgan goes to the hospital...

spoiler: she survives!

at approximately six forty seven yesterday i was napping. cold, hard, and dead. i woke up to my phone ringing (right under my head, mind you. why do i nap with my phone under my pillow again? oh yes, for this reason exactly) to morgan asking me my whereabouts.

i lied. oh, just gearing up to go running! driving to the trail now...why? she then proceeded to tell me about her doozy of a day. she had been in and out of the doctors and finally into the emergency room since the early afternoon and was deemed anemic(!)(i feel it's deserving of an exclamation point or three !!) and was currently having a blood transfusion.

i gasped. and felt sort of guilty for lying, but who has time for guilt in times like these? i ran to winco and grabbed a basket-full of hospital appropriate snacks which includes but is not limited to: chocolate covered raisins, caramel ice cream (haagen-dazs, mind you. not some off brand! these are serious times, people!), a cheesy bagel with two helpings of cream cheese, chex snack mix, and an apple...for you to munch on during the drive to the hospital, of course.

a note about hospitals: security? security? i actually wandered the place aimlessly for a good twenty minutes (while the ice cream melted in my bag!) and was browsing hallways and rooms i am not sure i was supposed to be in. cardiology, endocrinology, and i am almost certain i meandered through the 'genealogy' department-- it's utah, after all.
another note about hospitals: the nurses are the nicest. all of 'em!

besides discovering that she has anemia(!) and having to suffer through sitting still for the blood transfusion, morgan is doing just great. at least i assume so...i actually haven't talked to her since last night. morgan? can i get her vitals? mostly it was just a hospital room party watching criminal minds, eating ice cream, and having girl talk with hanna and tiffany. we are urging her to milk it for as l o n  g as she can. i mean, it's finals next week + who wants to work these days, anyways? side note: morgan told us she had been timing her theatrical coughs whenever she wheeled by someone in the hospital hallways of authority. genius. but really, we are so glad she's doing well + will be out of there soon. phew.

 i just had to wiggle in a picture of my face. there is really no back-story behind it besides that i felt this post would be lacking without? 

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RELATED ONLY KIND OF: 

promise not to steal my business idea? 

okay. 

so in morgan's hospital room there was this framed poster with a quote that attempted to be inspirational. it was  something about how attitude is everything and there was a scenic painting of what looked like the northwest. which nailed it because morgan is a north-westerner. 

my idea: a revolving poster! depending on the patient, the nurse could change the quote and the picture.  you know? for a bench-warming basketball player from florida it could be a quote about persistence and getting back on that horse and a picture of...what is good in florida? the...golf courses? 

for a nervous new-mom who grew up in sunny california it could be a quote about keeping calm (...and carrying on. barf.) and a picture of the beach. or a the steak salad at wood ranch because that thing is the star of my dreams.

and that is how i am going to become a billionaire. totally personal + totally applicable posters in hospital rooms. 

*drops mic*

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because it's raining and i'm having a bad hair day: summer twenty thirteen.

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apparently my spontaneous bone has shriveled up and disappeared because i keep meticulously planning and plotting my days, weeks, and months. last night jeff + i sat down with a calendar and mapped out our summer. well, i had previously mapped it out on a google document and jeff just nodded along as i sold it to him like a movie preview. "coming this june....love, war, and the biggest three-on-three basketball tournament in-the-world: hoopfest."

 it only seemed right after the crummy day that was yesterday. wasn't it just crummy?

we decided to enjoy this summer and adventure...even if it's just fifteen minutes from our house. last summer, we were both stressed with wedding planning and...actually, no last summer was really fun. but every good day seemed to pale in comparison to getting married. it was always on our mind and in some weird way it made us enjoy the summer less because of it? i don't know, i don't know. we're weird.

onwards! 2013 summer to-do list! because i have nothing else to post about! 

:: hike around zion's. mostly because james franco filmed a movie there. yummy. 

:: be river rats. or lake rats, rather.

:: california! twice! or thrice, maybe? so far there's a wedding in san diego, a mini-family reunion in dana point, and kevin, jeff's brother, gets home from his mission! (...who i, by the way, have never met. holy goodness, this might be awkward. do i hug him? call him brother bear? pinch his cheeks? massage his back?)

:: move into our new apartment + redecorate + survive through it. people, this might be the demise of jeff + brooke. something about paint fumes + cheap swedish furniture gives us both angry sweats. 

:: idaho! idaho! idaho! idaho in the summer is my favorite place to be. i'm excited.

:: viva las vegas!

:: host my sister paige! she is hopefully coming to live with us this summer. provo is always hiring and jeff + i are a hoot so, why not? i'm so excited! my paige!

:: whip out that tent we were given for our wedding and watch jeff swoon me with his eagle scout skills.

:: play in hoopfest. well, i'm playing with my cousin, brother, and nikki. our team name: ld(yes!). it's...cute? jeff can't wait to watch and will really take any opportunity to see me in basketball shorts. that was a joke. 

:: twilight concert series, le duh. so much sweat, pushing, and...is that weed? in utah? aww. wonderful.

disclaimer: i know, i know. this was a pain to read and kind of obnoxious but it's raining outside and i'm having the worst hair day and all i wanted to do was make a picture collage and a list or three? bear with me.  or bare with me? that could be interesting? 

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in other news, i worked with the third graders today in class and santa was brought up. holy saint nick! there were the kids who were clearly still believers, and the kids who felt holier-than-thou because they had just found out this year and they know something you don't know!, and the kids that were kind of up in the air about it. and then there was the kid that was jewish. just kidding, there wasn't. it's provo, people. ;)

a little jeff + brooke pre-stapleton video.

it's 1:36 a.m. which is far past my strict 10:30 bedtime. naturally, i am googling myself. 

stumbled upon this gem of a video. it played during our reception on a television near the presents + sign-in and, unfortunately, quite the crowd gathered to watch it. behold: brooke on camera. lots of strange facial expressions, misunderstood sarcasm, and is that an ohio accent i hear?

side note: i didn't totally get cut from my basketball team senior year. it was more like a...please take your attitude + antics home type of plea. almost? hahaha. almost. and who actually knows why it says wondershare at the top nor why it gets suddenly super loud every time i speak (oh wait, that's just probably my voice?).

goodnight + good morning, folks. happy monday to you all. i'm probably still googling myself as you read this...