a picture of jeff bashfully holding a baby...

that is all.

- - - - -

this was taken on saturday up in logan! we had a pseudo-family reunion/cousin gathering + played on a red neck waterslide until it was dark. well, to be fair, i totally wimped out + stayed in my sweats the whole time + mooched sandwiches, pizza, and red vines off everyone. EVERY PARTY NEEDS A POOPER, okay? 

it was so fun. jeff always comments how much i hit the cousin jackpot + i'm just like, I KNOW, RIGHT?!?! i actually LIKE all of 'em. not just 'you're family so i have to endure you + i guess i love you?" type like but LIKE like. like, i'd want them all as my friends even if we weren't related. 

mushy gushy, mushy gush. 

when i said i'm not moving...

...i really meant it.

besides a completely necessary trip to the grocery store + old navy (the sales! 50% of dresses!), i have made camp on the couch.

this is labor day, people : 

in the comment section, please tell me what a beautiful sort-of-aware sleeper i am. 

also how much you love my pillow because it is my pride + joy,

 thank you very much targè. 

p.s. bachelor in paradise!!!!!! god bless america. 

marathon-ing // in which i talk for one mile about meghan trainor + pee in the woods.

- - - - - - - - - 

 (the funny part about this picture is i felt like i was FLYING. literally thought i was going so fast. i later watched the video jeff took + almost choked laughing at how slow i was actually going.)

well, by the pure grace of god, caffeinated energy chews, old kanye west jams + amy poehler's audiobook yes please, i finished the marathon. despite the whole getting-up-at-three-a.m. part + the where-are-the-bathrooms? part + especially, especially the why-does-everyone-here-have-amazing-legs aspect, it wasn't that bad.



i ran the race with my avery-friend! unfortunately her knee started acting up during the downhill parts + we separated for the last quarter. in the dramatized movie reenactment of my life, this part will be extremely heart-wrenching + maybe she will die or something + then everyone will hate me + quote lilo + stitch to me, "ohana means family. family means no one gets left behind" + then i will turn to alcoholism and dog fighting to mend my aching heart + guilt + it will. be. tragic. also, in the movie, i will win the whole marathon or something + have thick blonde hair. you know, to keep it accurate and raw.

in actuality, i looked back + gave her a thumbs up + a nod + then called her like, five minutes later. but, you know. hollywood.

ANYWAYS. i finished the race with a lady named leigh who started telling me how much she loved meghan trainor + due to pure exhaustion, i started to have all these really deep + well thought out opinions about her + her impact on society + yadda yadda yadda. where did this come from?! I DON'T KNOW! i'm convinced something happens to you when you're beyond exhausted; for me, it was not caring at all if people saw me peeing on the side of the road or singing out loud to my music +, evidently, talking ad naseum about meghan trainor.

we finished the race + i hugged leigh + then hugged this old man i didn't know + jeff just stared like, what the h-e-double hockey sticks happened this morning? it was all a blur.

now i'm nursing a foot injury + a nasty sinus infection + binge watching the office. i don't feel one bit bad about it because I RAN A MARATHON! i can binge watch netflix + eat bagels + beg jeff to bring me bubbly beverages if i want to! i'm hoping i can drag this out for a bit. at least until i get pregnant because i plan to not move for nine months. (cue evil laugh) i'm hoping to do another one but maybe this time actually train because holy shiz, what was i thinking?

p.s. this is coming to you from my fixed laptop! bless you little apple angels! they even cleaned it up + everything! it was sooooo dusty + dirty. the guy at the store asked me what i did for an occupation + i told him i worked in a saw mill + he sort of, kind of believed me. it was that bad.

p.p.s. look at the sunrise!!! if i were a different person, i would be like THIS WAS SO WORTH THE PAIN! or maybe like WAKING UP EARLY = WORTH IT. i wouldn't go as far to say THAT, but it was pretty.

apparently...

this is what you apparently eat the day before when you're about to run a marathon? wish me luck and say with me in unison, "what the heck are you thinking?!" loading buses shortly. regretting decisions constantly. oof. but also, the grizz from black bear diner really hit the spot + yes, i ate every last bite.

p.s. other things i ate in preparation yesterday : soft pretzel, cliff bar, swig cookie, small cupcake. order of hashbrowns, three bananas + a large purple gatorade because I CAN!!!!!!

...hating my life.
...why did i do this.
...so untrained.
...but the carbs!!!

jobs i think i would enjoy ---

aerobics class instructor (i just want the headset, really).
pedicab operator (as long as the weather wasn't too hot).
professional yelper.
morning talk show host.
late night talk show host (no offense, mr. midday).
radio dj but no songs! just me! talking!
dog walker.


also, for your enjoyment, my first selfie stick attempt :

you're welcome.

p.s. do you robe?
       i robe.
       my friend + i were talking + we think there's a correlation between people
       who ROBE and people who TUB. i firmly believe in both.

i'm ENGAGED!

after one full month without my ring, it's baaaaaaack!
jeff picked it up from the shop last night + immediately fell down on to one knee and proposed.
just kidding.
it was 11 p.m. and i was like,
hey did you get my ring today? 

and he was like,
oh yeah! it's on the windowsill.
...
d'ya want me to go get it?
...
then i was like,
PROPOSE! propose again!

and he was like,
hey b, will you marry me?
...aaaaaaaaand?
i have a ring! you're great!
...aaaaaaand?
let's float at the lake again! 
?

and then like a modern day topanga, i proposed myself. to myself. it was a beautiful moment.
...and then we watched walking dead for the rest of the night.

and now you know the story!
but also i will miss my temporary tat.

september the first.

- - - - -
status of laptop : dead.
status of diet coke fast : done.
woof.
- - - - -
September the First has been quite an uneventful day, but i'm telling myself that this is not indicative of the rest of september just like the fact that we didn't cut the cake or throw (retrieve?) the garter at our wedding is not indicative of the rest of our marriage. or is it? i think it shows that we are party poopers or rule breakers. but mostly i think it shows that i hate forced attention. am i on to something here?

it started at the post office where i dropped off some packages of various sorts to be delivered + had a conversation with the man working about handwriting (most that mine is shockingly bad). we laughed over illegible notes that we've written to ourselves + then i made a joke that we should be doctors. not because we are smart but because we have bad handwriting! 
that joke fell flat + the conversation ended right there. womp, womp.
then i got to wondering : MAYBE he had hopes + dreams of being a doctor but vomited at the very thought of blood + now it is a tender, tender subject. or something.
you know what post office man, I RELATE! i wanted to play catcher in softball because SITTING but i'm left handed + apparently that's an issue? SOLIDARITY.

then i drove by sodalicious + how can you drive by sodalicious without getting a soda? it's practically illegal, i tell you!

then on my way home, i passed the amish store kiddy corner from my house + thought TODAY IS THE DAY I GO IN THERE. they had all the butters (FIG! apple! marsmallow!). they had all the syrups (blueberry! pecan pie! cinnamon peach!). they had pickled everything (beets! corn! eggs!). and they even had amish hats for $25. also there was an old man sitting out front in a rocking chair + i still don't know if he was being paid to do that?
(full disclosure, the bottom right picture is from an urban outfitters. selfies feel more normal there than at the amish store. you know?)

i left with medium salsa, because i am a real woman + who gets mild, anyways?, clover honey, plain jane maple syrup + the intentions of going back for a sandwich special + a hat. because duh.

also i caught up on my real housewives of orange county. shannon beador. why do i like you so much? you're crazy. also bachelor in paradise. also after paradise. ...i'm going to go outside now...

now i'm sitting here typing this waiting for jeff to come back from his manly night watching ant man with friends. i think he is going to bring me back subzero ice cream because he just GETS me (...and i texted him : HI! will you bring me back some subzero ice cream tonight? to which he responded : Sure. But delete this text so I can pretend it's a surprise and I get you.)

SEPTEMBER THE FIRST, i declare you over.