disclaimer: this is just an exhausting declaration about my highs and lows with our giant television. i don't even end it gracefully. you've been warned.
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right before jeff + i were married, we made our last purchases as a bachelor + bachelorette. i know, it seems silly but if you know me, i'll find any reason in the book for a celebration (celebratory meals are to blame for weight gain...let's go out to eat 'cause it's thursday! almost friday! let's go out to eat because i showered! let's go out to eat because it's almost my half birthday ...you get the point) and to go shopping.
i can't even remember what i bought; i think it was something fairly practical like a swimsuit or a tub of ice cream. but jeff, oh jeff, he bought a television.
when people walk into our apartment, generally the first comment they make it about our overwhelmingly large television. or about how i somehow ooze sexual appeal in a muumuu, how do you do that brooke? but nine out of ten times, it's about the tv. the thing is massive in comparison to our apartment and kind of just screams at you.
let it be noted: i never wanted the tv. as an attention starved bride-to-be i would dream up the uninterrupted conversations me and jeff would have over a candlelit dinner -- him staring at me, me staring at him. oh! the fun we'd have without a television! we could camp indoors and play twenty questions and braid each other's hair...
but a trip to costco later, and we had it. this giant, giant television. i remember walking into costco and rushing to the samples -- chocolate covered almonds! zipfizz! trail mix! oh my! but where was jeff? after wandering around for a few minutes, i saw him: he was looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
he had found it: his last purchase as a bachelor.
we had driven my small camry and awkwardly carried the television across the parking lot as he justified his purchase. mostly it involved you can watch the bachelor on it with all your girls! (though he didn't say girls, jeff stapleton would never say girls)
we tried shoving the television in sideways and backwards and upside down and maybe i'll just hold it out the window while you drive? but we realized the television was just too big for my junky car. which was ironic in like, ten billion ways.
after making a few calls and asking anybody and everybody with a truck if we could hitch a ride, it was secured. the giant television was ours and it was in our soon-to-be apartment and we were now one of those people; the ones with giant appliances.
but you know what? now i'm okay with it. i kind of like that television, actually. jeff + i have created our own language entirely that is a mash of quotes and remember when?'s from how i met your mother, 30 rock, the office, arrested development, and freaks and geeks because of it.
and now i am at a loss as of how to end this? did i actually just write a whole page about a television? if you are still reading, bless you for scrolling.
...and that's it, i guess?
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