HAPPY BIRTHDAY + a million fireworks to my baby sister KENZ!

LOVE IS --- plus some life ramblings.

In the spirit of the month of love quickly approaching (tomorrow), here's a post about love. Also HI! Hello! I am back from my short little internet-vacation. We had both sides of our family in town last week + all my attention went to them. And to Dance Moms. Please, I beg of you, if you see a shooting star tonight or have an extra birthday candle, please please please wish that Netflix will put another season out. My life is not the same without Abby Lee Miller's hoarse threats. Also I am pretty sure hell will be the observatory of the ALDC with Chloe's mom ranting. It's like, Maddie is the best. Get over it.

Now enough about dance mom, on to love.

LOVE IS :

...waiting in the Taco Bell line for five extra minutes because they gave you a hard shell chicken taco instead of a soft shell beef. Also love is driving in the car with Taco Bell even though it makes you dry heave.

...silently watching Elizabethtown for the third time + refraining to make fun of it. (IT IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE! Why does everyone hate it?!)

...rewinding the Friends intro because your TV-partner missed the claps.

...supporting all of the many epiphanies + wild ideas that midnight and too much Diet Dr. Pepper bring (I should be an air stewardess! I should take improv classes! I should be a group aerobics instructor! I should die my hair blonde! I should try out for Survivor!) (p.s. yes, these are all life-paths I have furiously Googled until 5 a.m. then given up on. Ha.)

...pretending to know anything about video games + computer science + football.

...replacing the last Diet Coke in the fridge with a new one. HALLELUJAH!

TA-DAAAAA!

p.s. A PSA :

Jeff + I saw Into the Woods a few weeks ago. HOLY SHOOT. Guys, it was bad. I love me some Meryl Streep and Chris Pine and Emily Blunt Anna Kenderick...wait, actually why was this so bad? It's too much of a good thing. It really was awful though. I was half-expecting the lady giant to be Queen Latifah and then it would loop into the movie Taxi or something. Like all one big joke intro? The end. Happy February. And to ALL, a good night.

Sundaze // little snippet.

When your Sunday begins eating blueberry pancakes at 10 a.m. + ends snorting brownies out your nose from laughing so hard with friends, it's a good Sunday.
(also there was about twelve episodes of Friends, multiple debriefings of The Bachelor in Relief Society, a LONG nap and fifteen Diet Cokes in between. Not complaining.)

All these things are true, AMEN.

Rules of life pt. I

Never say no to a photo-booth.
Being a people-pleaser is tiring.
Be a generous laugher + tipper.
Pebbled ice + styrofoam cups are worth the drive.
Even the most sour people like to hear their hair looks nice.
Always maximize the cha cha, real smooth part of the 'Cha Cha Slide.'
(Six seconds of sexiness, ready go!)

TODAY I...

|| Shot a wedding + arrived frighteningly early.

|| Walked into a gas station to find a boy eating assumedly stale Christmas peeps

while crying into a walkie talkie + thought : Hmmm. Been there.

(also Pink's song Try was playing in the background)

|| Drank so much soda. SO MUCH. 

|| Took this super emo self portrait. It was cloudy. Don't blame me.

|| Laughed out loudly watching Friends. Season 8, I love you.

|| Bumped into like, everyone from my freshman year of college + 

instantly regretted my sweat-inducing turtleneck. 

|| Made a Lizzie McGuire reference that didn't land. 

|| Probably racked up the water bill to $4,382. Three baths is always a good idea(?).

|| Patiently waited behind a man attempting to buy cigarettes by 

unsuccessfully pointing. Left, left, down, left, right.

AND that, my friends, was my Friday.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
(well, sort of. My wedding tomorrow is at the same place...eery?)

A post I was writing + then wasn't.

- - - - - - 
This is the start of a post I was writing at 8:52 last night.
Then, thankfully, my Nikki-friend called me + I read what was on the screen and thought :
What is this garbage?!?

Why are boobs a thing? And why are they so fascinating?
Am I the only one that...

- - - - - 

I sincerely have no idea where I was going with the last statement.
Probably something about how my can either be the best or worst part of my day,
depending on how gravity is feeling + the clinginess of my shirt + ...yeah.

- - - - - - 

In other news, we just put up these pictures
 + it's been brought to my attention that they are kind of...boob-like?
Now I feel like I have to bring it up to every houseguest + have them weigh in.
Home-teachers and the plumber included.


That's all.

Ask Brooke (I wish it was more of an alliteration, too) :

Winter Survival Guide, according to me.

- - - - -

Winter can be quite glum. I feel like winter is the distant friend who you are super excited to see then, fifteen minutes deep into their preplanned three hour visit, you're like OH MY GOSH! I remember why you are my distant friend. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT! 
Is anyone relating to this or do I just pain myself with poisonous friendships?

Onwards.
Winter.

At the beginning of winter, I am so psyched. I am psyched about the snow + I am psyched about the holidays + I am psyched about LIFE. Then it hits the second week of January + I start romanticizing about summertime + wallowing in my inevitable holiday weight gain. Please say you can, at the very least, relate to this?

This is when I rely on my winter survival kit. This kit is tried and true and I just made it up like, fifteen minutes ago. But tried! True! Winter! Now! Survival kit!

Brooke's Winter Survival Kit (as of sixteen minutes ago)

1. A go-to outfit. Mine includes a large puffy jacket, a hat, and a pair of sweatpants that
    look like real pants...but are undeniably sweatpants. Full circle.
2. A workout routine of sorts (barf). Currently, mine is Kayla Itsines bikini body guide.
    I hate the name of it. But it's hard + fast (refraining from dirty joke here because        
    CLEANTHOUGHTS2015)
3.
4.
5.

Marriage tips for the masses : Your spouse is still a person.

I just listened to the best podcast ever -- it was a Ted Talk recap about love. How we love, why we love, the science behind it. FASCINATING. Anyways, one of the interviews was with this sex and relationship therapist who I think was French. Or something. I don't know. She was no-nonsense + cut the fat when it came to marriage.

She talked about how America is the only country where people constantly refer to their spouse as their 'best friend.' She said in other countries, your spouse is your spouse and you have your best friends on the side. What she was trying to say is something I've said before, your spouse can't be everything.

She went on to talk about the expectations we have made for marriage -- the person must be our best friend and they must be strong and supportive but also fun-loving and spontaneous. They must consistently make you feel comfortable and safe in your marriage while still being passionate and edgy. It's impossible to be all the things but often times, that expectation is there.

She also talked about how, at the end of the day, your spouse is a person. You should treat them accordingly and, if they truly are your best friend, treat them like it. She said she has seen people treat their spouse in a way which they would never treat their friend. And they expect things they would never expect from any other person.

Marriage tips for the masses : Keep yo' girlfriends.

I think I've written about this before, but whatever.
I've been married for a whole two and a half years. Practically five years, almost a decade. Almost ;). I don't know everything about marriage. At all. But I know a few things + am fascinated by the whole institution itself. Like! Think about it! You are picking your teammate for life. It's wildly daunting but also quite simple. You know? Like, you're a person, they're a person + you're just navigating a life together. I think I've really stripped all the romance out of marriage but that's what I'm here for, right? (also, after re-reading, I must confirm : I am not high right now. I feel like this all sounds like stoner-esque wisdom)

Anyways.
Here's one of my unsolicited marriage tips for the masses : keep yo' girlfriends + make time for them.

This may seem so obvious, but hey!

Before I begin : I am totally happy in my marriage. Jeff is truly one of my best friends. He's the chronically positive + calm Jerry to my sometimes frantic, often erratic Elaine. Or something. That metaphor might be a stretch. Maybe more the Phil to my Claire? My family thinks Jeff is a Phil. Which I adore.

Anyways. At the end of the day, he's a guy. Jerry, Phil, Jeff. Guys.
He doesn't really care about my nail polish or understand why I watch fifteen hours of vlogs on the YouTube or want to gossip about Andi + Josh breaking up (actually, he did have some good insight on that one). He doesn't truly enjoy mindlessly wandering Target + I can see the fear in his eyes when we walk into Forever21.
But my girlfriends? They get it.

I read in The Happiness Project this summer that a woman's loneliness has nothing to do with her interaction with males (her husband, boyfriend, male attention) and instead has everything to do with how much interaction she is getting with other women. Girl power, am I right?

Take yesterday, for instance. I went to get smoothies + chat with my friends Jen + Morgan. We pounded our smoothies + harassed the teen boy working there + then flopped on Jen's couch + dissected our lives and insecurities and airport horror stories and sexual blunders (ha). I left feeling so full and exhausted and uplifted. Good girlfriends polish you off and then send you back into life. You know?

This is just one long way of saying that while your husband/boyfriend/lover-pants can be your everything, they can't fill every void in your life. Or maybe this is all one long way of saying that lesbians have been right all along. Take it as you will.

THE END.

CAN'T STOP/WON'T STOP ...a glimpse into my mind. DEEP.

(how horrifying is Jeff in this?)

Watching Seinfeld 

Complaining how sore I am due to this tortuous workout

Cringing from The Bachelor (go Kaitlyn!)

Drinking my new obsession, Crio Bru

High-fiving myself for trying to save money

(operative word : trying)

Over-texting Jeff all the details of my day

Oil cleansing 

Craving In n' Out 

(double meat, mustard-fried, protein style, grilled onions THANK YOU)

Listening to This American Life + Ted Radio

Eating frozen dates + pink lady apples

Writing mindless posts

Just the truth.

If you look back at photos of yourself from the ages 9 through 14 and don't cringe inside because of the awkwardness + discomfort radiating off the picture, you are probably not funny. It's true! I think there is a scientific correlation between having always been good looking + being a total dud.

And that, my friends, is the truth according to Brooke.

If I had to make new friends in twenty minutes...

If I had to hold auditions for new friends in some strange, 

alternate reality (actually Paris Hilton really had a show like this, 

My New BFF where people actually competed to be her best friend.),  

I would ask to see a picture of the person from their childhood and early adolescence/

early teen years. I'm talking 9 - 14 type stuff. 

If they were always cute, I would snap my fingers + yell PASS 

because there's a 99.9% chance that person is not going to be funny.

WHAT IF! : A love story. Also bumper stickers.

Today I was driving home from the library (okay, the mall) + 

thought of this hypothetical love riddle. 

Indulge me. 

WHAT IF!
What if you met someone + were starting to get mildly serious.
You loved most everything you knew about them + felt like this. was. it.
You live in...the city. Or love walking? And public transportation?

The point is : you rarely see his car.

You think nothing of it. You aren't judgemental.
He could be driving a brick for all you care.

THEN!
One day he suggests a drive into the country. A break from the busy life.
Isn't he dreamy?
He picks you up in his car + you laugh to yourself because you didn't think
there was such thing as a perfect car, but it's the perfect car.
Modest, clean, practical. Plus XL cup holders. CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.

You get to the picnic spot + start settling in then realize you forgot your jacket.
You insist on getting it yourself (he's such a gentlemen!) and you zip back to the car...
and...

DUN DUN DUN!

BUMPER STICKERS.
Like, the worst kinds ever.
Saying the worst things. Ever.
Covering the entire backside of the car.
HOW HAD YOU MISSED THIS?!

Lift your truck. Fat chicks can't jump. 
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Democrats pave the road to hell. 
Caution. I brake for hookers.
...and so on.
(just so you know, two of those were actually on actual cars in my high school's parking lot.
Cars, plural.)

And you're like...
Wait. I think I actually hate this guy.
WHAT! IS! LIFE!
Left is right, right is left, up is down, down is up.

And you look back at him, smiling coyly on the picnic blanket.
So suave, so perfect.

WHAT A LOVE RIDDLE, right?
Or not really.
Deal-breaker.

I also thought like, what if your husband started putting them on his car? Does he do it
one-by-one or all at once? Do you just wake up one day + discover that you're married to
the offensive bumper sticker guy. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?!

And those are my thoughts on a Monday.

Something somber || My hometown.

Last night I got word that there was a shooting in my sweet and safe 

Chin up!

I adore my sweet and safe and sleepy hometown + was shocked to hear the news.

My dad said it best : 

Wise words regarding the impact of this tragedy on this small, interconnected town. One victim spoke kind words to my son when he was a young teen; another always offered a smile and friendly words when I saw her at work; another was the father of schoolmates. I could walk from my office to the scenes of these horrific crimes in minutes. The connection are at once chilling, and a reminder of why I love this place. Chin up, Moscow. People we all know are rocked to the core and need our help. 

- - - -

Thoughts and prayers to Moscow!

FIVE THINGS YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE :

: I saw this video about oil cleansing + then I saw this blog post about it earlier this week and thought 

Face-palm. STORY TIME : The time I was hit on. Sort of. K, not really.

SO! Story time :

A few days ago, I was walking out of Wells Fargo in Trolley Square to go find my car. To set the scene : I was wearing a baseball hat, no makeup, my giant coat, no bra, sweatpants (and not the cute kind), and running shoes. Also I was probably wearing a scowl because the wait was so long at the bank. But anyways, (positive thoughts 2015) onwards!

As I was walking, a car pulls up next to me and a guy about my age rolls down the window.
Let me back up, I was blessed and cursed with inflated self-confidence + also inflated confidence in my ability to read people + situations.

SO! Right as he pulled up next to me, I was already thinking that he was about to hit on me. Or something ridiculous. GUYS WHO AM I?! Why do I do these things?

He rolls down his window and kindly asks,
"Hey! Are you parked around here?"

...to which I jump to the idiotic conclusion that he is wanting to give me a ride to my car...and ask me out...

I reply, practically screaming and giddy with myself because I am such a good person and I am SO cute! and I am going to make this totally not-awkward for this kind guy! :

"OH! Yes! Well, sort of! I am like, 100 yards away but (here's where it gets presumptuous) I can just walk there myself! I need the exercise! Thank you so much for the offer, though! You are like, the sweetest!"

WHAT!
No!
Even now as I type this, I am so embarrassed.
Also I was like, placing my hands on my heart and being so over-the-top + acting like I was truly, truly touched by the offer THAT HE DID NOT MAKE.

He looked bemused, then amused, then embarrassed for me, and replied,

"Well. Ummm. I could give you...okay, actually I was just wondering if I could have your parking space? The lot is kind of full..."

NO. NO. NO. NO.
I just nodded and was like,

"Yep. Totally. Cool. K. Bye."

And then power-walked to my car while he followed behind me in his car.
NO. NO. NO.

Also, it gets worse.

I then call Jeff + my mom to tell them about the interaction and am crying of laughter but also so embarrassed. I then go to Trader Joe's and return back to my car, still replaying the conversation.

I look at my windshield + see a note with a phone number on it and NO JOKE, touch my heart again. As if to signify, I was right. I am cute. He was hitting on me. I am such a good person for turning that situation on its head and embarrassing myself instead of him. I am cute...

After thirty minutes of driving, I unfold the note to read that someone had bumped into my car while I was in the Trader Joe's parking lot. Mmmm. Yep.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

P.S. Dear Armen, you are nice.

Batting 1000 : BUBBLY! FUN! HAPPY! LOUD!

A picture that has nothing to do with the post.

Also this is very vain.

And self-deprecating.

The best kind of combination!

Sometimes I meet people for the first time + think, shoot, I totally misrepresented myself. I should have paced my personality a bit.
You see, my Avery-friend + I were talking at the gym yesterday about how often times we come on a bit too strong. I don't know how to explain it but...Oh! I just thought of the best simile (metaphor?)(simile!) :

I occasionally feel like a preview that kicks serious butt and you are like, this movie is going to be the funniest, most interesting movie of the year! Then you go and see the movie and you're like, huh? All of the good parts were just in the previews. Why am I just watching a chick sit here + watch the Bachelor + walk around Target + laugh at all her own jokes?

Ha.
That was really good.

For example : Just yesterday, I met an Internet-crush who was as fabulous in person as she is on the Internet, and mid-way through the conversation (I ambushed her in the gym locker room), I realized that I was literally screaming. My brain went through a sequence of thoughts :

Why is my voice so high right now? 
How do I get it down from here?
Should I keep this voice up through the duration of the conversation?
How weird would it be to switch back to my normal voice?
Why are my eyebrows cemented half-way up my forehead?
Why am I swaying my head back and forth so much?
Did I just squeal?
Where did that cackle come from?!

You get it.
Or do you?

Say you do?

Marriage vows. In my head.

Today I mentally updated the marriage-vows-in-my-head to say, 

"I promise to never drag you to a Zumba class against your will."

(but I will force you to watch every season of the Bachelor with me)

(and post gushy things all over the Internet)

That's all.

THE GOOD-GOODS || A happy list.

- - - - -

I remember my freshman year I stopped in the middle of campus to take a picture of the snow-capped mountains

+ a boy called me a zoobie. Ummm, whatever dude. The mountains are pretty and I am going to keep taking pictures

to my heart's desire. This one is for YOU!

Clearly I have moved on from it.

Also I just listened to This American Life podcast about how you never really move on from anything. Your feelings just

lie there dormant but perfectly in tact until POOF! You remember! Hey! I really don't like that kid who called me a zoobie! 

Fascinating, no? 

I digress.
On to a HAPPY LIST! (scroll, scroll, scroll...)

Dec. 29th - Jan. 5th HAPPY LIST : 

* literally running into my funniest friends, Jack + Jordan, + catching up 

with them at my kitchen counter just like old times. You bet I peed my pants laughing.

* failed gym attempt turned sauna session turned awkward interaction with Nikki.

* NEW YEARS! I love the fresh start. Also we celebrated by going to WalMart to look for crafts (ha!) + 

watching the ball drop begrudingly. I know this is a happy list,

 but like, why do I have to stay up if I don't want to? I AM TIRED, FERGIE! Also why was Fergie sing-talking everything?! 

* (on second thought) Fergie sing-talking everything on New Year's Eve. Woof.

* starting a friendship in Relief Society almost entirely based on The Bachelor.

 What better indication is there of true friends than a mutual love for trashy reality television + Prince Farming?

* I know I am late in the game, but the This American Life podcast. SO good. I feel so cultured and hip.

* Breakfast with my Kylie friend. 

* Coming back to a clean house. Is there anything better?

* Soft-serve + gyros with Paige. 

* City league basketball! Though we kind of, totally stink. Ha. This is the

hard truth. But the entertainment factor is always a perfect ten.

FALALALA! 

Double-life ||

A random, self-indulgent rambling for your Sunday evening enjoyment.
But first! A PSA :
Linen pajama sets, people.
GAME CHANGER.
Also duck lips, also mirror selfie, also yadda yadda yadda...

As soon as I walk through the door of my childhood home, I revert back to being 15 : highly dependent, slightly confrontational, exceptionally loud, curiously hyper-active. I truly feel like I lead a double life, Utah Brooke and Idaho Brooke. Idaho Brooke doesn't know how to do her own laundry + texts her mom to make her breakfast + eats whatever, whenever at all hours of the night + (let me drive this point home) is so loud. SO loud. Like, makes your head whip around in the grocery store because why is that girl so loud?! type of loud. 

Utah Brooke, on the other hand, is slightly more introverted + CAN do laundry and make dinner (eh, sometimes) + feels just fine binging on Netflix + finds slowly perusing the aisles of Target while talking on the phone to friends + family to be the best kind of therapy. Also Utah Brooke is like, way more calm. 

Do you get what I am saying? DOUBLE LIFE. 

Shoot, get me on TLC. 

I'm back (IN UTAH!)

I am back.

In Utah, that is. 

My eyes hurt from staring at the road, my back hurts from sitting, 

+ my hands hurt from gripping the steering wheel for the first 2 hours of our trip.

WOOF.

BUT I AM BACK! 

I am going to miss my family, Idaho, mom's food, endless free time, 

long naps, Mikey's Gyros, giant Co-Op salads, + cable desperately but...

...this will ease the pain juuuust fine ;).

I love Utah! 

Yurt-ing || WINCHESTER, ID

- - - - - - -

For no real reason, we went glamping/yurt-ing(?) in the teensy town of Winchester, Idaho 

on Tuesday. Random fact : my great-grandma was born + raised here + met my great grandpa at a dance near the lake! History! Family! Ancestry.com! 

Anyways, the yurt was right near a frozen lake + all the trees were covered in snow. Not to be corny, but it looked so magical! We made a steak dinner followed by a record-breaking amount of s'mores then tucked away for the night to be serenaded by the sweet, sweet sounds of Seinfeld. Ha. As you can see, this has been the theme of our winter break : sugar, sleep, Seinfeld. Ain't complaining!

Now, look! So pretty, right? :

THE END.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and you and you!

2014, I whole-heartedly give two thumbs way up but I am ready for some 2015.

I'm shooting low with my resolutions (think : be nice, read books, drink water) this year

because I kept like, 6/35 in 2014...so wish me luck! 

We spent our day taking family photos in the freezing cold, filling up 

on black-eyed peas for superstitious reasons + making/breaking the 'no refined sugar

this year' goal in one fell swoop involving my mom's chocolate chip cookies. 

Woops.

Now for some Seinfeld + sleep.