and her small heart grew three sizes that year...

this past year, i feel like i have learned how to love things so hard. let me explain:

i never really bought into the idea of love and all of its trappings. the thought of a guy somewhere in the world holding half of my heart really made me want to vomit (the visual!). i always scratched my head at the stories where a homely girl meets a vampire and falls in love with him and becomes this sparkling goddess vampire slayer (...twilight...). why did i need a man to make me glitter in the sunlight? turn up the destiny's child, will ya?

i already felt complete. unquestionably single, but complete.

my roommate in college and one of the three people i feel comfortable using the term best friend with, avery, is your token cool friend. you know what i mean? we had a sort of hunter-gatherer relationship where she would hunt and gather all prospective friends...and i would sit in our room watching netflix with my retainer in. it was a truly beautiful thing. she validates the fact that, because you are friends with her, you are partially cool. you have to be! 

"sorry ma'am, but you are not allowed to be at this party for the world's most elite, i'm going to have to ask you to..."

"...but i'm friends with avery miyahara!"

"oh! in that case! come on in, person dressed like a colonial lady! welcome to the world's most elite party! have a mini corndog?"

you following? i swear, if sweet mary and joseph and just told those pricks of innkeepers that they knew avery miyahara, the entire christmas story would have gone a lot differently. they would have been put up at the finest establishment! is this irreverent? this is irreverent. onwards!

avery and i performed magic in our tiny dorm room at 1121 chipman. those two semesters together, my cool-avery silently helped me to whittle away all the dumb stuff that had burdened my soul all through high school. suddenly, all my insecurities just seemed kind of, well, stupid. thick thighs? pffft. a permanent food baby? pfffft. more-than-occasional upper lip hair? pff...actually, no. that one still sucks. 

in sum, i became complete. 

and then i met jeff.

oh, jeff. 

this past year together has helped solidify the fact that yes, i was still a complete person without him and am still that same complete person with him. meeting him didn't make my skin glitter or freeze my blood or anything major. he didn't come bearing half of my heart (the visual! gross!) or suddenly make me realize that i was a ten-cow woman. t-rust me, i already knew that (joking!). 

but he did make me love things harder. it was like on the grinch where his heart grows three times bigger; i loved things more. three times more, in fact! fountain drinks, television shows, even my idaho and family, things i already loved, i loved more. 

...and, unfortunately for you all subjected to my selfies or occasional brag-fest, this i loved myself more, too. jeff took all the things i already loved about myself and shouted them back at me lovingly. you do have the best taste in apples, brooke! you are suspiciously attractive when you sweat, brooke! (i glisten guys, i really do!) you do find the best drive-through salads, brooke! 

it's like jeff has blown up my heart so big that it could burst; case-in-point: i commented on a friend's instagram the other day that 'my heart was warm' after looking at her pictures. what? when did i become affectionate? (answer: still not; let's not hug, ya?)(kidding!)

i love that boy. more than i love myself, i promise. and i love that 2013 is like this big plot of land with fresh snow that i can't wait to defile. 

...and i'm back!

and i'm back! in provo and on the internet! here's the thing about blogging at home: it's awkward. when three out of the whopping four people who read your blog are under the same roof with you, every thing i was attempting to write seemed a little...bland.

here's an example: on christmas day, my family piled into multiple cars and made the windy drive down the lewiston grade and up to ihop. i sat braless (...true...) and wolfed down five huckleberry pancakes while the waiter serenaded us with her 'i don't want to be working right now' huffs and puffs timed perfectly to jingle bells (...lie...).

now, as fun and silly as that story was, it is mostly true. i did sit braless in ihop (and blended in quite well; ihop on christmas day in lewiston, idaho is almost as depressing as the gym on a late friday night)(...i would know this because i've been to the gym on a late friday night and pumped out a few half-hearted miles on the elliptical with all the other dejected and dateless) but the waiter did not time her huffs and puffs to jingle bells. and i didn't eat huckleberry pancakes, for that matter. and my family would know that when they read it because they were there. you see? i would have to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in my posts...and how fun is that?

in other news, merry christmas! we spent ours in idaho where jeff was sort of baptized by fire into the whole white christmas thing. and the whole christmas-at-the-mosman's thing, too. food coma, unwavering traditions, and...food coma pt. II. my sister mckenzie uses the term tradition l o o s e l y. every move we make on christmas day is automatically deemed a tradition that will be carried on into the eternities. like eating pancakes, taking a nap, and getting the mail. it's really quite the event and i'm so happy jeff was subjected to it. christmas with a bearded companion is like, one hundred times better.

...and now i collapse into a pile of unfolded clothes and a growling stomach because our fridge is hopelessly and gloriously empty (...lie; but whose going to call me out on this one? blogging under a different roof gives me far less fact-checking anxiety ;). can i just say thirteen more times that the drive from moscow to provo is killer? twelve. whole. hours.

and to all, a good night.

p.s. i'm going to say this tomorrow but i am real, real excited about 2013! i have some great things to share (that does not involve anything near or around my uterus, you crazies)!

our little christmas card...

can we talk about how there are only two weeks till christmas? two weeks! that's like, two thursdays! or the time it took me to burn through all seven seasons of how i met your mother...but that's besides the point. dreams of days without any obligations and  homecooked meals is really what is getting me through this l o n g week of finals...which i am truthfully not too terribly stressed out for? is that so bad?

anyways, in the midst of it all, my cousin ryne + i (and jeff! isn't his scruff the best? it's the best) made a little virtual christmas card of sorts. it only seems appropriate to post it two weeks early, right?

p.s. if anyone wants a video like this done, we are doing them on the cheap! they are such a fun little thing to have, right? and please love that it says featuring simply brooke as much as i do? i feel like a famous rapper or something! ha.

and a happy birthday to me!

three minutes into my twentieth year i waxed a bit too much off my eyebrow and cursed into the mirror. my eyebrows are one of my prized possession, you know. we have been through a lot together, me and them; they've been too thick and then too thin and then way too thin that one time i plucked my eyebrows while talking on the phone and one time my left one up and fell off when i crashed my bike and cracked my head open. but finally,  finally they were perfect. up until three minutes into my twentieth year, that is. 

but hey, i'm kind of growing to like it? sort of? and i feel like it all might be one grand metaphor for my life. sometimes i make quick decisions that make me go "oh #*$#!" and then i later i'm like "hey! i kind of like this eyebrow that is half missing and makes me look like i am always suspicious of something!" 

...on second thought, i think it was just a really bad wax job. 

and did i mention i'm twenty now? it was really quite convenient, my mom, grandma + paige were in town during my birthday weekend and spoiled me sufficiently. like, two separate drinks at ikea type of spoiling (one at the beginning, one at the end...le duh!). my mom also threw me a quick little surprise party which nearly every guest was late for. in fact, all but two showed up thirty minutes later which made me all sorts of confused...hi lindsay...why are you in my mom's hotel room? 

in other words, it was the best twentieth birthday yet; full of love, soda, and chocolate chip pancakes (with peanut butter on top!). thanks to everyone who helped me transition into adulthood (no longer a teen! say what!) and who has put up for me for some or all of these twenty years (...and i'm really sorry about my third, tenth, and fifteenth year. rough patches are real). 

cheers to the girl with the hamburger, cheers!

here's the thing, i rarely have bad days. basically almost never! like, i'll have a spout of bad hours one day but then someone will compliment my hair and i'm like what bad test score? you know? but when i do...oh boy, i really do. i feel like the bad-day brigade just sit back for weeks at a time, letting me go about my life happy-go-lucky, and then blam! all at once they lay it on me! it's like me eating donut holes. you've already had three, what's another dozen?

you know? (i've never been one for metaphors)(similes?)

and i'm really good at bad days. i've perfected the deep sigh and slouched walk and disheveled hair. because if you're having a bad day your hair is obviously disheveled, obviously.

today i woke up early to go running and four miles into it desperately had to go. like, go-go (wake me up!). i found a patch of trees and went and...didn't have toilet paper? and really need it? i waddled back the rest of the way to my car and gave myself a few thousand face-palms for eating such a high fiber breakfast. oh, by the way, did i tell you i went running this morning? (hush, it's my blog so i can brag!)

then i went to my test review and when exactly did we learn this? were they having some secret classes without me? oh! i also forgot my notebook and decided i positively hate my major. i know, right? face palm! (if you saw my tweet, yes, i did in fact google the top five easiest college majors...finals week is killer, guys) also, while i'm here, i had a chronic stomach ache the whole day.

but stay with me here? i'll stop complaining soon?

i decided to try my hardest to put a stop to my bad day. i took a shower and got re-ready for the day (...it was 7:30 p.m. but heck, it was my way of saying 'dear universe, i haven't given up. i'm just starting over! like my new shampoo?'), making sure to put on extra bronzer and three swipes of mascara like any dignified women would do, and headed to the place i knew someone was bound to be having a worse day than me: walmart.

why does walmart get such a bad wrap? i like walmart! but that's besides the point...

i wandered around aimlessly and picked up a beanie, spray paint, and a few thousand shirts. when i'm having a bad day, i get really shoppy. and snacky. and i'm not picky either! a tweetie bird shirt on sale? sure! new bowls? why not. ...it's really quite dangerous.

i wound up dumping most of it and opted for a diet coke instead (my second large helping of the day...no judgement here!). i sat in my car for a while and cranked up the heat...just riding this bad day out and really letting it soak. i thought about all the bad haircuts i ever had in my life and stubbed toes. why not, right?

then! then i noticed a girl sitting in her car directly in front of me. she looked...sullen (but so cute! how do people do that? my long face really prohibits me from making a cute sad-face...). we made eye contact and she slowly brought a hamburger to her lips and took a bite. our eyes remained locked as i fumbled for my diet coke and took a swig.

cheers to a better tomorrow, hamburger girl! cheers.

it's christmastime in the cit(aaaa)y!

the lights at temple square are kind of something you have to do if you live in utah county. you know? it's an obligation, almost, like carving a pumpkin at halloween or getting married at a stupidly young age. joking! joking! you don't have to carve a pumpkin!

onwards! pressing onwards! we drove down to salt lake and pushed around the crowds at temple square and gawked over the lights and setup. have you been? there's like, twenty billion lights per tree! and then after gawking we were like crap, now what? so we did another round and then spied on a double date that only 1/2 the party was enjoying at the capital. also the kid was wearing an all white ensemble which elicited the question, did he just get finished with karate or was he just barely baptized? because i truly can't tell? 

i fear this is getting boring. which, in retrospect, it kind of was. but in the best of ways. 

also we went to a spinning class saturday morning. jeff one time took me on a date to stuff our faces with five guys burgers followed by lap swimming...in other words, he took me on the worst date for someone who can hardly swim (i blame my mother for ripping me out of swim lessons-- i could have been more than a minnow, mom!) so today i made him come swimming with me to make up for it. it made sense in my mind? 

our teacher was the crem de la crazy. she was one of those super-fit types...you can't trust 'em! she kept screaming into the microphone and you really couldn't make out a word she was saying. whenever she said set it sounded like sex so that was fun? ("this is the best sex ever!") also we are 97% sure she said something about protecting your taco? 

...and that's saturday!

it's december first. IT IS DECEMBER FIRST.

...which means no more mustache! and a haircut! and a shower or three! (no-shave november quickly transitioned into no-effort-into-appearance november? funny how that happens!)

happy december people. 

(p.s. christmas is so close i can practically see the disappointment in my brother's face over the gift i'm giving him -- he's notoriously tough to gift for and notoriously transparent. it's a lethal combo.) 

the front camera was the worst thing that ever happened to me. also, i'm a narcissist i guess?

so here's the skinny: i positively hate every picture of myself. have you seen that friends episode where chandler's smile becomes completely unnatural every time any one tries to take a picture? that's me. i suck in my nose, curl under my upper lip, and get these crazy eyes that make me look like a savage woman. no, but seriously.

however, i love the front camera. love it. due to my high fiber diet and the fact that i am three-fourths allergic to everything, i spend a lot of time in the bathroom. please, please; don't feel sorry for me! i've gotten used to it! i read blogs, play games (play me in scramble with friends?), and most importantly, take selfies.

and here is my stockpile (mind you, this is just since september...):

(i was trying to cheat the celebrity face matcher and look like hermoine granger here. fail.)

(the pepsi? my running shoes? the giant apple? i have an obsession for kissing things...?)

...i know, i know! your eyes have rolled so many times they are now in orbit. is that a thing? can that be a thing? i don't actually know what my obsession is. but it's out of control. intervention, please? or not?

no mas brain juice.

(i just found this picture in the dusty and ignored archives of my computer storage; what the heck was i doing?)

i'm out of brain juice these days, plumb out! i feel like my brain is working double-time simply to remember wait, why am i at the grocery store again? you know? at the end of the day, i am exhausted from the mundane details (and dance central three-- my muscular (read: big) thighs are really idyllic for dirty-dancing). 

but really funny stuff has been happening as of late. like, golden. jeff turned to me last night as we were watching up all night (i'll say it until i'm hoarse: jeff is chris brinkley) and said "we really should have a television show about us!" (i know, i know. we are so self-absorbed; but f'real! these past couple weeks have been funny (pronounced funn-ay, won't you kindly?).

for example... 

we had these neighbors who were, let's just say...morning people. if you know what i mean. do you know what i mean? (we have thin walls at our complex, THIN walls!) they are actually probably the nicest people but at this point, i don't think even the most impressive plate of cookies could have repaired our relationship. it was all just kind of awkward. ha. anyways, we were walking in from church a few weeks ago and all of a sudden a snowball gets hurled at our window and barely misses jeff's head. jeff's eyes got all wide and he quickly rushes inside and locks the door and whispers, "oh no! oh no! we can not open the door to that kind of snowball-fight relationship!" at first i was like what?! and then i nodded furiously in agreement; if that snowball-fight door is opened, what's next? bantering back and forth? doorbell ditching? or, heaven forbid, tickle fights?!

and...

i think i have been stealing from a food drive run through my work? like, i feel terrible.but there is no sign and the pile is sort of measly so i just thought that someone had some unwanted cans of food and thought 'hey! i'll lug all of these into work to share!' it really makes no sense, i know. perhaps it was just my severe case of the midday munchies that blinded me from the fact that it is a food drive. for the needy. because it's christmas time.  ...but yum, was that wild rice + chicken soup good. 

and also...

we teach sunday school. unfortunately. like, i like parts of it; having the spotlight for the hour! hand selecting the treats! the awkward silences filled with poor joke attempts! anyways, the thing about teaching sunday school is you should probably know what you are talking about? i had no idea. jeff leaned over to me the night before while i was scarfing down an omelet and informed me we were teaching in seven hours and we should probably get something ready? we taught about the scattering and gathering of israel...i think? i filled the time up by asking questions i didn't know the answers to really loudly (why do i get loud when i'm nervous?!) and raving about the treats i (...my mother...) made. it was an awkward hour. but we set the bar real low so we can only go up, right?

and on a completely unrelated note, tonight morgan, jeff + i hiked y-mountain (morgan had never done it before!) and rewarded ourselves with kfc. fun fact: their grilled chicken is actually quite delicious and oprah endorses it.

also the photobooth self portrait gave me a brilliant idea: i think i'm going to devote a post this week to all of the unpublished selfies i have taken? like, it's a laughable amount. 

thanksgiving-ing.

my body has this uncontrollable chemical reaction to winter where it decides to soften and sag. it's as if my body is conditioned to naturally gains ten pounds to keep me warm during the cold holiday season in idaho and utah. or perhaps it's that all i ever want to eat is bread? that could be it. but i'm not complaining! there's something comforting, endearing almost?, about a little squish here and there. mostly there.

but that's besides the point.

the point is that during my thanksgiving break in sunny southern california, i donned a swimsuit and sandals (oh, another side-effect of winter is heinous feet that even the most moisturizing lotion can't fix). i know! i wasn't psychologically prepared for this! i had mentally prepared myself to wear three layers, at least, for the next...seven months? but man, was it nice! like, i think we've been doing thanksgiving all wrong where i'm from all of these years. we've been missing out on shoving our untanned, unshaven, and unkempt silhouettes into one-pieces (or two-pieces, depending on your self-control with a bread-bowl) all of these years! the thought! ;)

and can we all cross our fingers that m(ustache)ovember will, in fact, end in november? please?

p.s. is that not the cutest baby? jeff's brother + his wife heidi have set the bar unnaturally high for child-expectations. all i can promise is that our child will have prominent eyebrows and short attention span. see?  doomed.

and for that, i am thankful (part 3!)

+ thanksgiving. i love this holiday...or maybe i just love a day made for sleeping, snacking, napping, and indulging? 

+ in-laws who conveniently live in beautiful southern california. and are kick-butt. (no, but seriously i lucked out! like, what if they were from north dakota or something? ...does anyone even live in north dakota?)

+ ...and not to brag, but we are experiencing some heavenly weather. i went running this morning in shorts and a tank top...let that marinate for a bit. 

+ ...and not to brag again, but their house is stocked full of fresh fruit and we have a television in our room loaded with e! and bravo.... hallelujah. 

+ food. i've finally came out of my food coma and am no longer filled with stomach-aching regret and can retrospectively appreciate our thanksgiving day spread. sweet potatoes topped with caramelized pecans? shoot. me. dead. oh, and i'm thankful for stretchy pants, too. 

+ my jeff and our little life we've got going on.
+ that i can kind of, sort of see the light at the end of the never-ending tunnel called statistics class (cross your fingers i pass...now seriously, please?). 

+ my new layout! isn't it cool? it's coming along quite nicely all thanks to maggie (complaining about your lack of html knowledge apparently pays off!). but mostly i'm thankful for maggie. she wins the nicest person ever award.

+ our sweet little apartment in provo-town (and how it's located right next to my friends!).

+ my family (and snapchat for helping me to miss them less) and the fact that i get to see them SOON! 

+ ...that we can now officially start preparing for the christmas season. who's out-of-their-mind excited?!

because he's always wanted to make out in the music-practice rooms...

 dear jeff: i love you, you modern day renaissance man.

life with you is one long serenade.

one occasionally off-key yet completely perfect serenade.

(p.s. i hope our offspring inherit your musical abilities--

if not they can just clap wildly alongside me.)

sweet, sweet june...

there's something about old people that just gets me. today at my first day with meals-on-wheels (look grandma reynolds! i'm doing something nice!) i think i had a handful of heart palpitations over the cuteness. i met with my trainer at the senior center this afternoon and was immediately greeted with a warm hello and the smell of perfectly portioned 600-calorie lunches (today they were serving fishsticks + potato wedges!). we hopped in her kia and started on our route.

vickie, that's her name, gave me a quick briefing of the elderly people on the route; "erma's kind of a hoarder, nellie will always try and feed you...don't accept..., kathy just got a pacemaker, and norma recently lost her husband."

oh.

when we arrived at the first house, the sweetest old lady answered and immediately told us all about the problems with her catheter. before we left, she gave us a plate of brownies and neighborhood comment and remarked how very loud my voice was...dangit...

the next old man was perfectly grumpy. he was blind in one eye and had a television bigger than my small blue camry. he explained to us that if he sat any closer to the television, he would be on the other side! 

but our last stop was my favorite. sweet, sweet june. june answered the door in a loud floral mumu and danced her way to the couch. she started telling us about her latest adventure: toaster ovens. she had picked one up at the thrift store that week and was just itching to cook something, anything, in it. 

"june, you are always so happy. why are you so happy?" vickie asked as june perched on the edge of the couch with a walker to her left. she had the biggest smile on her face.

"well, there's no other way to be, now is there? all you can really do is keeping moving, praying, and smiling. that's it." june replied.

she wished us a happy, happy thanksgiving and asked vickie to dance with her a bit before she left. june swayed side to side and laughed hysterically. 

sweet, sweet june! as vickie and i drove off we talked about getting old. 

"don't you just want to be a june?" vickie asked me.

.................................................

isn't that just the sweetest? i just want to be a june! wear a busy mumu unapologetically and exude happiness like sweet, sweet june.

p.s.  i secretly wanted to be at the midnight showing of twilight tonight. secretly. 

p.p.s. the said-hoarder really was a hoarder! it was crazy!  apparently she has a cat too. somewhere? 

p.p.p.s. happy happy day for my cousin sean! she's engaged!

on luke (must be said in a comically deep voice, please...)

i'm entirely neutral about the harry potter series but always go see the movies in theaters. partially because of the movie popcorn and partially because one time a boy told me i looked like hermione granger? (i don't buy in to it; i gloated to my friends about it and they all immediately assured me i look nothing like her -- let me have my hermione moment, will you?)

but i always remember the scene where harry is confronted with the grand staircase. do you remember that part? ...or was it even harry? anyways, the staircase moves and shifts to get you wherever you are going. and you do think i look kind of like hermione, don't you? (i texted my jack-friend to ask him if his opinions have changed and he said not a chance. poo!)

anyways, last night i was reading in luke in the new testament. oh, luke. i've always had such a crush on that name. my mom refuses to say the name in any other way than with a comically deep bark "luke," she bellows. "it must be said luke." oh? 

luke is one of my favorite books of the new testament (thus far), especially chapters 11 + 12. when i'm reading the bible (it can be so terribly confusing! women eating their children? talking donkeys? and don't get me started on king solomon and all his wives...!), i like to just coast. you know what i mean, though? just glaze over and thank you matthew, i will leave my net and follow! and you desire foreskins, saul? how very interesting? 

...to be inside my brain...

i'm convinced that luke is like the magical grand staircase in harry potter. last night, as i was reading and sort of, kind of skimming through oprah's favorite things and deciding i want to live my life in such a way that i can spend hundreds of dollars on scented candles and teensy succullents luke told me:

"brooke, shut your can up and stop being so darn materialistic and such!"

...well, no he didn't. is that sac-religious? but he basically did. 

luke actually said: 

"layeth up treasure for [you, brooke!] in heaven, ...a treasure in heavens that faileth not, where no theif approacheth...for where your treasure is, there will be your heart also." 

oh, luke? but haven't you seen oprah's favorite things this year, luke?

and then i got to thinking, what do i truly treasure? cable knit sweaters, soap sets, and thee cutest little gourmet pigs-in-a-blanket? i mean, what treasures are waiting up in heaven for me besides a few gold stars  (sometimes i hold the door open for people?)(oh! and today i patted an inconsolable stranger on the back and asked her if she was okay! ...she wasn't. um? what's step two?)?

crap, luke. you up and ruined my christmas list...

but don't you kind of see it, though?

...yeah, me neither.

and for that, i am thankful (pt. 2!)

+ my sweet, sweet jeff. he is seriously the most funniest and easy-going-est person in the whole universe. i was dreaming up some major plans for his birthday and a crazy surprise of sort but, alas, they all fell through. walmart lost my order (hurricane sandy...understandable), i burnt the breakfast sausage + pancakes, and we both had to study like mad people all day long. at the end of the day, i realized it didn't really matter-- jeff was so, so happy and grateful for the crunchy/crispy pancakes and birthday present that he had hand-picked himself the night before after my call from walmart. twenty three looks good on you already, jeff!

+ my dad coming into town. his visit was quick (we only saw him friday + saturday) but he left us with a fully stocked pantry, a new movie to add to the best-movie-we've-seen-in-november list (skyfall! see it.), a vow to stop eating out so much (...but i mean, my cubby's salad!), and little pieces of wisdom about life, love, and how to keep your butt warm at a football game.

+ at-home hair remedies. i tried an olive oil + honey hair treatment yesterday and my hair is singing this morning! i keep running my hands through it and flipping it around like some sort of crazy. at first, i must admit, that my hair just felt like i had put olive oil + honey in it, you know? it was sticky and oily and...olive-y (...my writing...what is happening?). and then! then! then it started to transform itself into this shiny mane of goodness.

+ that my nervous-laugh can sometimes, sort of pass as cute? we had to teach sunday school this last week and...oh heavens...i was quite unprepared. jeff loves that sort of stuff and was getting all biblical and metaphorical and such. i think he even paced the room a few times? meanwhile i stood nervously at the stand, gripping the pulpit so i wouldn't shake of nerves, and haphazardly taught about the spreading/gathering of israel. yeah, what? ha. luckily my mom had sent us a box brimming with cookies and brownies earlier that week so i passed them out to the class and reminded them that, if anything, i contributed the cookies. and what is israel again?

+ this snow! (besides when i'm walking to school, driving to work, or sloshing through parking lots...then, not so much) ...and warm socks, thick sweaters, and a space heater.

+ dance central, baby. jeff's parents/brother gifted us an xbox kinect and the game dance central for jeff's birthday. holy mama! my man can boogie! last night morgan, hanna, + avery came over for dinner and we wound up just watching jeff dance most of the time. as morgan said, "it's funny because he's actually kind of good?"
our kids will be blessed with the ability to pop, lock, + drop it. or at least i hope.

+ my job. i have kind of, really developed such a crush on it these past few weeks. i love the people i work with and the opportunity to write (even if it's just about vacuums or business-taxes!) every single day. and the fact that my co-workers are passively having a full-fledged bake-off doesn't hurt either ;).

+ ...and being able to stream friends, up all night, and real housewives during my long work days. this past week, i watched all the episodes of real housewives of miami and my editor-type-lady told me that she noticed some latin flair in my writing. ha. perfectly trashy!
 
+ my membership in the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. i had one of those this feels so right moments the other week. it wasn't during sacrament meeting or even on a sunday. it came slowly and quietly and overwhelmed me as i ran through the provo streets on a particularly cold night.

+ oh! and i'm also thankful for runs, no matter how slow i may go.

+ and! and for my body. weird, no? i often speak poorly and beat up on my body (holy bruise on my shins! appropriate-sized shin guards are just so lame!) and fill it with too much diet coke + peanut butter, but i am thankful for all that it can do. like run!

+ my staple lunch of an english muffin + laughing cow cheese wedge + shredded romaine and loooooots of sriacha, please. (i'm a creature of habit when it comes to lunches -- in high school, i ate beets almost every day an entire semester. my pee was constantly pinky-purple.)

+ novembers. and sundays, too.

p.s. i know my layout is...lacking at present. but last night i deleted all the formatting on a whim and was left with all this...white. and now i'm hopelessly and gloriously confused on how to make it pretty. any takers? 

shoot, where did the weekend go?

for jeff's birthday week we went to the lakers vs. jazz game and indulged in the whole experience...and by indulged, i mean $8.50 for a churro + regular soda, really? apparently the lakers are jeff's jam -- he made sure to remind me of that three times on the drive down, every time with a hand-on-the-knee and a good stare into the eyes. 

the halftime entertainment was my favorite. it was a small asian lady who rode a ten-foot tall unicycle and balanced bowls on her head. weird, right? everyone kept chanting more! more! more! and the unicyclist kept adding more bowls, every time ending with a smile and a prom queen wave. more! more! more! i was on the edge of my seat by the tenth bowl...and also feeling a bit self-conscious about my audible anxiety over this performance because most of the devout laker fans around me (why are they the scariest utah-ites?!) had left for the bathroom...could she balance it? what if she falls? why the heck did she decide this was her passion?!

...and....it...balanced! i loosened my grip on the seat in front of me and exhaled. i was so relieved for the tiny unicycler but could she have balanced eleven? 

this week sort of felt like the bowel-balancing-unicycler, sort of (i have a hard time committing to dessert choices, tv series, and similes, you should know). i felt like i was just trying to stay balanced and every one kept chanting more! more! more! 

as much as i felt like i was almost off-balance at all times, i loved this week and i wanted more, gosh dangit!

this week we went to sam hawk twice. and any week that starts off with a double-dip at a greasy korean restaurant has got to be good, am i right? we rung in jeff's birthday with family and friends, a lakers vs. jazz game, an election-watching snack fest (...i am so happy it is over! let's all return to being nice and talking about christmas?)(also jeff's dude lost; i should plan the election for a better date next time around? it put a real damper on birthday week ;), and the bourne legacy (too many chase scenes, not enough kissing). 

jeff is kind of the best birthday boy, even when both his teams lose.

then my dad came down to visit! my dad is the funniest...but also the wisest and most-intimidatingest (he remarked the he was over his hug-quota by four for the year as he was leaving, ha!), so it's actually the best combination and sometimes he reminds me a lot of jay pritchet? when he first got into town, i met him for the free continental breakfast at his hotel. i think that will remain the highlight of my semester (and i mean it!). it was so nice just to chat (...and get stocked on costco food!) this weekend and have full parental attention; isn't full parental attention the best though? 

and can we talk about this weather? sheesh. 

and now, on to monday. 

and for that, i am thankful (pt. one, or so i think?)

sometimes i feel like november is awfully overlooked. like rob kardashian, you know? sure, rob has a sock-line and yes, he is the only male kardashian left to carry on the name (actually, psyche: you know kimmy k. will never forfeit that alliteration)...but really, who is rob kardashian besides kim's sister? i mean really.

and how rude! for november... not for rob. i mean really? a sock line, rob? november is good for more than the promise of an encroaching christmas holiday, afterall. though there are only fourty nine more days. but who is counting?

which is why, november, i'm dedicating this to you.

and now, inspired by november: things i am thankful for, part one of...maybe one? maybe more?

+ my mother and sisters visiting town this past weekend and the you are on vacation so rules don't count, right? sonic runs every day.
+ it's birthday week in the stapleton house! so happy my jeffrey was born (...and that he has requested the greasiest and butteriest meals this whole week. i mean, if we have to?).
+ kicking off jeff's birthday week with  a meal of his choice. he is the white-trashiest so we had chicken crescents (cream cheese + chicken + butter + crescent rolls), frozen corn, and pineapple upside down cake. um, yum.
+ and while we are talking about food, you guys: sam hawk in provo. what? it's right by our house and is a total hole-in-the-wall but seriously, best korean food ever.
+ the most organized closet you ever did see. it was the best/worst idea but it's color-coded and everything. i know, right? 
+ being a diva and requesting yogurtland while everyone at in n' out. and also that everyone called me queen b for the night? (a diva is a female version of a hustler...)
+ new running shoes that are the perfect amount of squishy.
+ the annual (annual? annual!) mosman/stellmon pre-christmas-christmas party this past saturday!
+ jeff buying two pairs of pants this past weekend. jeff hates buying clothes and also has a bad habit of purging his closet every...week. this means he only had one pair of pants and boy, was i sick of looking at them. but this weekend, he bought TWO pairs. applause? applaud!
+ this beautiful weather. is anyone else crossing their fingers it stays?


you happy, november?

the society of halloween-likers

i think the international society of halloween-likers heard my halloween grumpiness this morning. did i tell you i don't like halloween? i don't like halloween. but i did like this halloween.

this halloween, you see, was different. i almost felt like the byu student body decided that the theme for this year's costumes was 'brooke's favorite things.' link from legends of zelda was serenading me on the piano with the overworld theme, sporty spice was sitting three seats away from me in statistics, and there was a 'binder full of women' washing her hands in the bathroom. and i'm 30% positive i saw a few von trapp children? stop it halloween, now you're just showing off!

and my test was easy today? i answered questions with confidence? when does this happen!

this halloween (i've committed to bolding this...just go with it) i ate four servings of the most delicious tortilla soup from a chili cook-off at my work. even though tortilla soup isn't chili? and i even snuck some home to the jeff-man so i didn't have to cook dinner. because i do that so much anyways.

side-note: my work is fun and young and hip and decided to mandate dressing up. well, sort of. i didn't want to be a party pooper and poop on their party (gross...), so i scrambled for a costume five minutes before leaving. i decided to be a forest ranger. or maybe i was a girl scout leader? i really just ended up looking like a butch, if we're being frank.

see?

on the bright side, i was the designated candy-passer-outer for my side of the building and i think my ovaries about exploded from all the little kid cuteness. my favorite was a bashful little boy dressed up as the old man from up. or maybe it was the princess who responded "i know..." when i told her she was the prettiest princess in the whole wide world. be still my soul...

this halloween, we ended the night at a obligatory (but so cute and slightly spooky!) holiday-appropriate movie at the dollar theater paranorman. the send-home message was adorable-- people are different and we should love and listen to them, no matter how crazy we may think they are. plus there was some gay-tolerance subliminal messaging, or at least i'm almost sure, and that coupled with a large tub of popcorn never hurt anyone! and it was a little risque? but it's halloween. and risque, we shall!

so this is me throwing my hands up, dearest society of halloween-likers, because this halloween was actually pretty darn great. and now my sugar-high begins to fall...

happy halloween!

sucking on the marrow of life, i say!

sometimes late at night, i have the itch to stay awake until my eyes weigh thirty pounds. it's just one of the many weird parts of being brooke? i'm so spontaneous! and interesting! last night at eleven, i started to get the itch. i can feel it coming, you know. it usually starts with two bowls of cereal, heavy internet surfing, and a sudden urge to make a list and some rash decision. 

after a generous serving of honey bunches of oats (sadly, significantly better than the knock-off brand, come ON western family!) and a long stare into the mirror debating the state of my eyebrows, i needed a movie. i'm fairly high-maittenance when it comes to movie-watching. i only like watching movies in theaters with a large soda + popcorn combo (and i will always complain about the price), or at eleven p.m. on my computer. again, i'm spontaneous! and interesting!

i consulted the movie-lords and chose dead poets society...primarily based on the fact that it stared robin williams and i've never quite gotten over him in hook. you guys! my life is forever changed. or something like that? maybe i was just in a state of IT IS 2 A.M. delirium? 

but have you seen this movie? see this movie. 

oh captain, my captain. 

and another handful of candy corn, please?

today i feel like i am the literal manifestation of monday. my eyes are crusty, my hair is greasy, and my intestines are still mad at me for dinner at panda express on saturday (i'm sorry my sweet pancreas, blame jeff!). also i have a mad hankering for a long nap, two handfuls of candy corn, and three continous hours of how i met your mother.

we spent our weekend indulging in halloween festivities. ready, set, gasp: i really don't like halloween much. it might be the anxiety over finding the perfect costume? maybe the bad mix of my mood and refined sugar? or perhaps it's just the fact that i positively hate being scared.

we went to a haunted corn maze with friends...couple friends, mind you. the mazes were all fairly mediocre. i think we arrived right as they were winding down. most of the mazes only had a few people there to spook us...one of the 'spookers' i am 93% certain went to my high school (he was jamming to metallica and mumbling threats. verrrrrry teen-angsty). i was legitimately scared once (ONCE! and i am jumpy!)...and promptly fell on the ground? suffice it to say i would be the first to die in any scary movie. besides 'the house of wax' because paris hilton is in that, and i mean really?

on the bright side, we scored a free dinner nearly every night this weekend, bummed a free hot chocolate off our friends, and stuffed our faces with better-than-sex cake (i object!)(...most of the time!).

p.s. holiday season? is that you peeking your jolly head around the corner?

p.p.s. i'm listening to a podcast called wait, wait don't tell me and nancy pelosi, you are kind of funny!

promises for a daughter || happy birthday, mom!

this may sound silly, but i always tell jeff that my one wish in life is to have a daughter. and maybe a garden. and also a lightening-fast metabolism? but mostly a daughter.

i make little promises to the high heavens, too. they're bargains, almost.

promises like, 'i promise if you will give me a daughter, i will teach her that what really matters, what's really beautiful, is what's on the inside...but i will also have the dignity to share with her the powers of an under-wire bra, the importance of eyebrow maintenance  and the magic in m.a.c. makeup (and danger in the wrong shade of foundation + liquid eyeliner) at the appropriate times.'

promises like, 'i promise if you will give me a daughter, i will do my very best in shaping her to be a kind and gentle young lady and will protect her from all that's stinky and scary in the world for as long as humanly possible...but i will also let her get her heart broken if she must (and will give him-who-breaks-her-heart death glares into the eternities) and watch her make a few mistakes and bad haircuts.'

promises like, 'i promise if you give me a daughter, i will always, always be there for her-- i will be there at her mind-numbingly boring sixth grade graduation, at her middle-school choir concert where she mouths the words all-too-obviously, and perched on her bedside with chocolate chip pancakes and a good pep talk in tow when she is in one of her inevitable 'napping seven hours a day is normal, mom!' slumps that generally mean something more.'

promises like, 'i promise if you will give me a daughter, i will be her very best friend and sneak her out of school just to guzzle down 32 oz. of diet coke goodness and split appetizers at the over-priced peruvian restaurant a few times...but i will also be her mother and will lecture her till my voice is hoarse if i have to.'

but mostly, promises like 'i promise if you will give me a daughter and beat out the curse (i mean blessing!) of the all-boy-stapleton-streak, i will try and be half the mom that my mom was to me.'

happy birthday mom, you truly are the most wonderful creature. 

(p.s. yes, she was the cheerleading captain! her pep talks are extra peppy and usually end in 'GO LAKE OSWEGO LAKERS!')

(...and no,  i'm not pregnant. or trying. i'm like, thirteen years old, people!)

the great pumpkin voyage!

before beginning the great pumpkin voyage, you need sustenance. carving a pumpkin is tiresome, you know? i suggest the roasted veggie burrito from mountain west burrito (and even if you don't love it, you must -- you hyped it up for three weeks straight, after all). 

then it's time to find the perfect pumpkin. you could go to a pumpkin patch...or you could go to a local grocery store, too. make sure to linger and couple-flirt with the cashier-man who will tell you that the most expensive pumpkin, no matter the size, will always be $3.07 because the scales are broken.

then protest the biggest pumpkin because what the heck are you going to do with it? how are you even going to move it to the car? 

 next you must hold true to your ground and refuse to carry it. if your male counterpart wants the most obnoxious pumpkin, he can dang well transfer it to and fro. eat a popsicle in the meantime. 

then...carve! and make sure you gut the pumpkin yourself. and pick the easiest design. and get sick on the way to the celebratory corn-maze. and end the night eating roasted pumpkin seeds and watching breaking bad in your fat pants.

the end.

in which i admit that i love myself...

i have a confession to make. you ready to roll your eyes and call me a narcissist? okay. my confession: i love myself. 

told you you would roll your eyes! but let me start with a disclaimer: there are definite parts of myself i don't love; i don't love particular parts of my body or how i get grouchy after eating too much refined sugar (baking is basically banned over here; snacking on the dough is inevitable...and so is a meltdown) or my smile in pictures (like...what are you doing brooke?! and why is a cup always my prop of choice?!) or how everything i do is LOUD (wait, actually i don't mind that...it's kind of endearing?). 

but for the most part, i'm a big fan of myself. is this such a crime?!

(this picture is evidence that 1. i have a picture-face that's like...what? and 2. i reward myself. the target run was a reward for staying almost-the-whole-time at work...)

yesterday as i was walking out of the testing center, a girl was on the phone with her mom in utter hysterics about her score on her test. she was going on and on about how her bad score (a 73 percent!) was unacceptable and how she was never going to get in her major or have a career or get hit on while crying (just kidding, she didn't say that...but she probably won't. she wasn't the most attractive crier -- i feel you, sister!). meanwhile, i was doing a mini-celebration over FINISHING my statistics test and answering most all of the questions! i sat still for over an hour! double fist-pump!

as i walked home, i thought about the differences between me and that girl. when i got home, i admitted to jeff that i realized my unwavering love for myself has really gotten in the way of my academic success. actually, it has gotten in the way of success in general.

rarely, rarely do i push myself. 99.9% of the time i am perfectly content. and i rarely get mad or down on myself...i mean, i do. but mostly about really silly stuff like gaining weight or legitimately considering buying a pair of jeans with bedazzled pockets. and then i get over it and move on. are you feeling me? 

and now, proof:

• i rewarded myself for going to class everyday last week by skipping two classes this week? 
• because i have done tony horton's (I LOVE HIM!)(mini-brag...) p90x program for three weeks straight, i took a whole week off. and digressed. 
• the 8-week challenge has gone down the tube because 'i like myself too much.' 
• ...however, i did reward myself with frozen yogurt for actually sticking to it for two weeks.
• every time i sleep in past my alarm, i justify it to jeff with "my body just really needed it."
• ...i've cried over a test score maybe once? and that was probably because i got a paper-cut while turning it in.
• if it pertains to math, science, arm workouts, crafting, or sprinting...i'm happy with 'just finishing.'
• most all of the time i don't look at my test scores in fear of getting mad at myself for not getting mad at myself. did i make sense?
• i always set new years resolutions that i know i can complete so that i'll feel good about myself. 'don't kill anyone' and 'no tattoos' were apart of last years.
• ...i do the same thing with 'to-do' lists. i just write a bunch of stuff down that i've already done! the thrill of crossing stuff off instantly! 

oh heavens. i know, i know-- if i truly loved myself i would push myself, tony horton. i get it. but it's like...oops?

maybe i'll turn a new leaf this week and set some goals that really push myself. but probably not. 

in the mean time i'll just eat one big sandwich of mediocrity while happily staring at myself in the mirror.

the tale of aceit mcblade...

during our short stint in courtship, i got quick little glimpses of jeff's nerdiness. 

star wars quotes, lord of the ring fun facts, squeals over halo 4's preview and the free release of guild wars...you know, the like. 

i found it kind of cute and endearing. like, "he has this little nerdy side, how cute! and ironic! wonder if we can pass as hipsters yet?" 

like, i know. i bug myself too.

anyways: enter aceit mcblade. jeff's top-secret-but-not-secret-anymore (i received permission to share this!) alter ego on twitter in which he keeps up with all things nerdy that he doesn't want to 'publicly follow.'

the logic! 

i found out about this alias this morning when i opened my computer and GASPED thinking that some man had broken in in the middle of the night to check his twitter account? 

the logic!

should i be weirded out by this? i might join in and create one for myself in which i follow all the high schoolers from my hometown (what? they get in twitter-fights and stuff; that's juicy stuff!) and wendy williams.

what's your plan, gentlemen?

...some of us are just a little harder to please?

if you were to marry a jeff stapleton...

have you ever wondered if there is another person in the universe exactly like you? if there is another brooke-formerly-stapleton that bites her nails and slaps her forehead over it everyday and is generally low maintenance but is a super-snob over silly things like apples (pink lady only and honeycrisp if i have to). i wonder if there is another man just like my husbman? and thus! i present to you! (scroll! scroll! this was all build-up, scroll!)

if you were to marry a jeff stapleton, expect:

1. off-color comments muttered in total serious like "i mean, kanye west is my idol but i actually want to be scott disick" or "i have a few friendships completely founded on loving cheese."
2. and, on that note, grocery lists that always involve cheese (in any form: squirt-able, slice-able, or string-able), frozen burritos, and apple juice. always.
3. mirror and window gazes that are longer than socially acceptable. (i advise to leave these uninterrupted)
4. premature compliments that are so sweet but are they really sincere? you haven't even taken a bite yet, jeff? 
5. the most mind-boggling music selection. ever. (jeff has a loyalty problem; he is too loyal to bands. did you even know bowling for soup made other songs? and that weird al is still trying?)
6. long, and i mean LONG, and detailed reviews of grocery stores, television shows, movies, restaurants, and public bathrooms ("on a scale of 7/11 on university's bathroom to barnes & noble's, it's about a three."). 
7. the emergency brake pulled always and the house locked, even if you're in it.
8. laughter. mostly with him but sometimes at him.
9. a false-sense of confidence. if you marry a jeff stapleton, you might actually become less funny (gasp!). he is the best crowd. he will pee over cat videos and roll on the ground over a butt-joke. and your cooking will probably become worse, too (read #2 and #4...it's inevitable).
10. a whole lot of eyebrow raises because you must remember, you don't have much in common with jeff stapletons (besides that you both love fictional-character liz lemon, sourdough english muffins, thursdays, and each other), but that's what makes it fun, right? 

p.s. you're the luckiest. jeff stapletons are the best, after all. 

on that day i woke up pregnant...

 today i woke up pregnant. i don't know how, i just did.

there were no real clear symptoms this morning, i suppose? i had missed my...ahem...lady-girl-visitor (that always overstays her welcome, mind you!), but that's 93% normal for me.

or maybe i just hadn't noticed these symptoms? webmd.com had me sold. extra salivation : check (drool dripped from my mouth to the keyboard); mood swings: extra check; frequent urination : only for the past 19 years! and pregnant brain? that explained my abhorrent grade on my stats test! suddenly the word was making sense again?

...because i was pregnant. i just had to be! my mind told me i was and therefore...i was. at first i was like OH SHOOT I CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF ANOTHER HUMAN? and then i was like BABIES ARE COOL!

i tip-toed around all day long, making sure not bump or jump or do anything too strenous (like studying...), because, like, i am a sacred vessel?

and boy, did i justify:

 an extra large handful of m&ms? don't mind if i do!

 a large wendy's chicken salad with EXTRA blue cheese and EXTRA glazed walnuts and three things of dressing i'm eating for two, sir!

running over to harmon's just for the free samples of cheese and white chocolate chip bread? silly cravings! pregnancy! 

leaving work extra early? hosting a human is tiring, you know?

and now what? what was next? what do pregnant people do? i started researching like crazy; 'perfectly trendy baby names',  'hypno-natural-water-birth', and 'casting calls for pregnant child-brides' (mtv and 'pregzilla'...you are weird). should i start nesting? maybe try and like babies more? should i make a facebook announcement and play the 'guess the gender' game? so much to do! so little time! grab the camera and let me start showing my bump to the world!

i texted my mom. she was wise and pregnant for like, 15 years straight. my mother was supportive...and skeptical? why exactly was i pregnant? and they give out extra blue cheese at wendy's now? have i taken a pregnancy test even?

...oh, that.

one quick trip to the dollar tree and a hand sopping with urine later (...apparently i have terrible aim?), and it turns out i'm not pregnant after all. but oh, was it fun to be. maybe i should make these a monthly adventure?

and for the record, i am still a sacred vessel. of diet coke and extra blue cheese and things.