WHAT IF! : A love story. Also bumper stickers.

Today I was driving home from the library (okay, the mall) + 

thought of this hypothetical love riddle. 

Indulge me. 

WHAT IF!
What if you met someone + were starting to get mildly serious.
You loved most everything you knew about them + felt like this. was. it.
You live in...the city. Or love walking? And public transportation?

The point is : you rarely see his car.

You think nothing of it. You aren't judgemental.
He could be driving a brick for all you care.

THEN!
One day he suggests a drive into the country. A break from the busy life.
Isn't he dreamy?
He picks you up in his car + you laugh to yourself because you didn't think
there was such thing as a perfect car, but it's the perfect car.
Modest, clean, practical. Plus XL cup holders. CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.

You get to the picnic spot + start settling in then realize you forgot your jacket.
You insist on getting it yourself (he's such a gentlemen!) and you zip back to the car...
and...

DUN DUN DUN!

BUMPER STICKERS.
Like, the worst kinds ever.
Saying the worst things. Ever.
Covering the entire backside of the car.
HOW HAD YOU MISSED THIS?!

Lift your truck. Fat chicks can't jump. 
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Democrats pave the road to hell. 
Caution. I brake for hookers.
...and so on.
(just so you know, two of those were actually on actual cars in my high school's parking lot.
Cars, plural.)

And you're like...
Wait. I think I actually hate this guy.
WHAT! IS! LIFE!
Left is right, right is left, up is down, down is up.

And you look back at him, smiling coyly on the picnic blanket.
So suave, so perfect.

WHAT A LOVE RIDDLE, right?
Or not really.
Deal-breaker.

I also thought like, what if your husband started putting them on his car? Does he do it
one-by-one or all at once? Do you just wake up one day + discover that you're married to
the offensive bumper sticker guy. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?!

And those are my thoughts on a Monday.