phone dump.

I entitle this, ‘Things I would rather be doing’

...a pig? How did this take a turn for the worse so quickly? I re-entitle this: ‘Places I’d rather be.’

1. the random store of odds and ends in Utah where they sold Buddhas by the busload and more forks than thought humanly possible.

 

2. with Morgan, eating the fruits of her baking classes. (she came into our hotel in Provo-town with a backpack full of breads and cinnamon rolls and pastries; I love friends in culinary school)

 

3. at quarter bowling, even though I hate bowling. I really do. The only things I like about it are the easily accessible fountain drink machine and the drunken bowling devotees with matching jackets.

 

4. ‘the cocoa bean’ cupcake shop; heavenly.

 

5. in sunny San Diego, obvs.

 

6. at the packed Salt Lake City airport with all of my family welcoming my cousin Dan home from his mission.

 

7. participating in pie-eating contests during ‘Pi Day’ at BYU and pretending to be college students at UVU led by the fearless(and shameless) tour guide, Morgan R.

…ending on an odd number seems wrong, I’ll make it even…

8. in James Franco’s arms, swooning myself to death.

brotherly love?

 

I am trying to erase yesterday’s happenings from my mind but can’t seem to do so. I feel like if maybe I type it out for the world(world= the few people who ever read this) then it will no longer fester inside of me like an ulcer or a scratch(…?) or something else that festers due to resentment. Yeah, something like that.

Yesterday as I was experimenting with large barrel curling irons and the effects of sunless tanner(effective!) and how long I could stand watching the 40th birthday episode of ‘Bethenny Ever After’, my brother rushed into my room in a hot panic asking for my help(…my mother was in Spokane; I’m not usually the first-choice when someone is in need of help) with his tuxedo.

Right then and there, I should’ve known that things were not right. Everything about the scene was off: my brother asking for my help, my brother wearing a tuxedo, me lathering sunless tanner all over my legs, and Bethenny being annoying(I usually like her!).

When I asked him what exactly he needed help with(and why was he wearing a tux? and do my legs look orange? and does he think Bethenny looks fourty?), he looked downward…

His zipper wouldn’t zip.

I started debating all the plans of attack to fixing his pants; correction: I started debating all the plans of attack to fixing his pants that would also minimize the undesired family closeness.

The end result: me sewing up his fly while pretending that what was happening wasn’t actually happening while talking about the weather, and doubling numbers, and Bethenny’s husband Jason and other neutral conversation fillers while cursing inside my head because the only way I could sew it shut was to leave the pants on because they were small and tight and I was dying being that close to the Mosman Multiplier of Chad.

Did that come out fast? Because as I typed that, I didn’t breathe.

Let’s just pretend that never happened?

Also, does Bethenny look 40 to you? She doesn’t, right?

In the meantime, here’s some precious picture I took of Chad-man at his Frosh last weekend. My ma and pa were gone so I got to play the role of annoying-parent-with-a-camera.

 

Note his overenthusiastic, almost pained smile. It’s like he was foreseeing what was going to transpire the next weekend…

P.S. I have a serious girl-crush on the girl in the coral heels and bright lip stick. I do not remember being that stylish my freshman year.

6 reasons why my week was great.

First and foremost, ogle at my new-found photoshoppin’ skills, would you? I have been looking at tutorials online and practicing my not-so-little tush off. Ogle!

P.S. It wasn’t even a sunny day. I am just that talented.

Now, on to the next thing.

6 reasons why my week was great:

1. On Monday, I wore a bright green pencil skirt that I found at a Goodwill in San Diego (…and Spanx, but that is besides the point) AND my red, Ruby Woo lipstick.

2. I wore heels! To school! The outfit is actually pictured above. That was the one second where I wasn’t teetering around somewhat self-consciously.

3. I got to sign up for my classes next year at BYU; why hello there, introduction to tap dancing.

4. During a meet and greet with the Spanish exchange students today at lunch, a boy in my Spanish class who I was standing beside looked at me in amazement and said, and I quote: “Whoa! I always thought you were some kind of giant, but now that I am standing beside you, you are normal sized!” …I liked that.

5. General conference was on Saturday and Sunday. Although I missed most of it, I was fortunate enough to catch Richard G. Scott’s talk about simple expressions of love–the man loves his wifey! I about teared up listening to him talk about her. (Watch it here.)

6. My mother discovered a delicious (and healthy!) new breakfast that’s so simple: cut up apples and put them in a bowl with a dash of cinnamon and some granola, microwave, add cool whip and enjoy. So, so good. Kim Mosman never fails me.

The end.

fun, fun, fun in san diego.

All pictures were taken by my friend Kylie; she is seriously talented with the camera.

I was hoping these photos would give you a peek of what my week was like. Though I don’t think any of them quite capture how much food we consumed and how many food comas we went into (San Diego has some SERIOUSLY good food; I suggest: The Cottage, HoDad’s, and Pizza Port)(I also suggest bringing your fat pants and a pair of Spanx, but that is besides the point).

(Also there are no pictures of me lying on the airport floor, staring at the flight screen and trying to figure out a way to get home. I thought I would leave those out. My messy hair and tired face were less than picturesque.)

patience.

 

Once upon a Wednesday, I flew to San Diego to visit my friend Kylie. The airport experience went as expected: check-in, security, bagel, large Diet Coke, boarding, another Diet Coke, a third Diet Coke, landing.

However, the following Monday when I was trying to get home, I experienced no such luck. The airport experience went as follows: check in, security, bagel, large Diet Coke, all flights full for 6:30, bagel, all flights full for 8:15, large Diet Coke, all flights full for 12:15, all flights full for 2:00, consume an entire bag Twizzlers, befriend a mother from Alaska and, in a state of complete delirium, almost share a salad, give up and go back to Kylie’s.

Two days and twenty-seven Diet Cokes later, I am still in San Diego.

I am the herpes of house guests.

I have said a handful of goodbyes to Kylie, only to have her pick me up from the airport later. I don’t think I will actually ever get home, but as long as I have a Diet Coke in my hand and a bagel to munch on, I think I’ll survive.

(P.S. As I’m sitting in a hip little cafe writing this, I must say, California is full of excellent mustaches. Seeing as most of my personal hygiene has been thrown out along with the idea of actually returning home, I think I’ll start blending in here really soon…gross.)

happy 13

13 reasons I love Paige:

1. It’s fun to live vicariously through her naturally wavy hair and thin, shapely legs. Seriously.
2. She’s a domestic goddess! For my birthday she made me delicious cupcakes and can rival my mother in making the best chocolate chip cookies in town.
3. She overlooks my hypocrisy (some(MOST) days, she’s not allowed to lay a finger on my clothes but her closet is free reign).
4. Even when she’s mad, she still refers to me as ‘Brookie.’
5. She has a really soft, sensitive and caring side…
6. …but she also can make some seriously cruel jokes.
7. She cares about unity in my family and wants us to be as close as possible.
8. She’s mature (I don’t really feel like today is her 13th birthday…I feel like she was born 17 years old, weird) but doesn’t roll her eyes too much when I ask her to curl my hair or how long to microwave something.
9. She is always up for shopping, taking pictures, and eating and is super-fun to dress.
10. Though she has summoned the eyes of many older boys as of late (DISLIKE!), she doesn’t let it get to her head and still picks Justin Bieber over anyone.
11. She’s has a clear understanding of homonyms and adverb usage and knows how to spell (girl after my own heart!)(…that was a compli-brag, apologies).
12. Even though I’ve done and said mean things to her over the years, she still loves me and puts effort into our relationship.
13. Because she’s my little sister and today is her birthday!

Happy birthday Paige Kimm, I’m going to miss you(and your scarves…and boots…and makeup) next year

bingo, bango!

’twas bingo night at McKenzie’s elementary school! I was the lucky little lady who got to play the role of her bingo partner. We played TWENTY GAMES of bingo!

(and learned a bingo joke: ‘B4′ says the head lady, ‘AND AFTER!’ retorts the bingoers in unison)

Needless to say, we were victorious and won free burger and ice cream gift certificates.

We celebrated immediately.

(…I really should start keeping a burger count. I think that is burger #7 of the month)