the end of an era : farewell to my license picture!

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today i spent an obscene amount of time at the driver's license division in orem. what is the driver's license division? is it different than the d.m.v.? honestly, i don't know. no clue. i've googled it + it just keeps bringing up the d.m.v. of alaska. alaska, i tell you! i once half-dated a boy who worked in alaska over the summer + he came back sunburnt. so there's that.

i went in slightly optimistic -- the d.m.v. and/or driver's license division and/or alaska is sunny in the summer gets such a bad wrap. it's like monday. why does everyone hate monday so much? i really don't. it's just so easy to complain about. though, while we are here, i really do hate january which is sort of like the monday of the year. y'know?

but alas, the d.m.v. (driver's license division) failed me. the result of my optimism : two hours of sitting, fifteen minutes of contemplating handing the sniffly + over-anxious teenager next to me a tissue, a pounding headache, and no driver's license. see you tomorrow, window three!


or will i? i'm struggling.
you see, i'm not a photogenic person. at all. don't even try to talk me out of this one.
i've completely accepted this fact + am fine with it + will continue living my life ducking out of pictures + blaming the horrified look on my face that just happens on 'bad lighting.' it's fine. but the best picture of me ever taken, my pride + my joy, is my license picture. i love it. at airports, i love handing it to the security people + basically beg them to compliment me on how amazing it is ...for some odd reason, until now it never seemed narcissistic or at all concerning that i seek validation from t.s.a. employees?
ho hum.

i s'pose this is good? i'm trying to find the light. after all, i really don't recognize that girl wearing a button up + giant pearl earrings in my picture. it was kind of a strange outfit choice, even at the time. i remember watching a youtube video that day about looking good in license photos (bless the people who youtube that crap, also bless the people who make all the one direction tributes -- liam! be still my soul!) + having to dull down my excitement over passing the test because my friend (...nikki, cough, cough) didn't pass. hahahah.

it was awkward. i was bronzed. and fifteen.

fifteen was a weird year; i was dating a boy who eventually grew dreadlocks  (reference #2 to a boy i dated ... these things just happen?) + who told me our 'song' was 'all my life' by kc + jojo. yes, that happened. we watched a lot of movies where i felt like i probably wasn't the target audience (undercover brother + most anything with tyler perry...shockingly decent movies!) + he had an unnecessary 'y' in his name that just made my heart pitter patter. it all seems like a different life! i was head over heels + completely naive... then i was quickly crushed + listening to a lot of take a bow by rihanna + should've said no by taylor swift. this literally makes me cringe to type. it was a dark time with ill-applied liquid eyeliner.
oh, fifteen...
i'd gladly erase you but also those tyler perry movies weren't half bad?


...and now it's over! tomorrow i have to go turn in my license (...i think? please tell me you can keep 'em. i'm getting this sucker framed) + say goodbye to fifteen year old, bright-faced brooke who was so, so naive. i mean, kc + jojo people!

wish me luck + pray i don't get too chandler bing with the camera.

a story about when i went to court.

this was taken at a wedding in december. in a bathroom. how much do i look like i want to make-out with my reflection? like, uncomfortably lots. but hi! look at my shoes.

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on friday, i went to court. 

well, actually, on thursday i went to court because the receptionist told me the wrong time. "pregnancy brain," she shrugged as i noted to my future self that pregnancy brain is a socially accepted excuse for just about anything, even wrong court dates + a threat that there was a warrant out for my arrest. FOR MY ARREST! ...but actually it was just a 'bench warrant,' my hearing is just dramatic. 

anyhoots! 

court!

is this something that people blog about? it was really nothing, just failure to show insurance + following too closely. and cooking that blue ice in a fleetwood bounder. my lawyerly father is most probably rolling his eyes at me now and/or crafting an email to politely say that court is not something you blog about. same with periods. 

i walked in right on time + was instructed to sit on a bench with a bunch of other people. criminals, i tell you! we were all squished together + the man next to me assured me that this was a 'nice judge.' he knew because 'he used to do a lot of drugs.' we made fast friends. everyone around me was sweating + also flirting with one another? nervous flirts...drastically better than nervous farts.

after sitting on the bench for twenty or so minutes, i was called into a private room with a different bench + so. many. handcuffs. my dirty mind ran wild + i was instantly disappointed when i was greeted by a portly, sweaty lawyer man instead of a beared jeff stapleton in flannel + a cowboy hat (it's a sexy thought! all sexy thoughts involve odd headwear!). we chatted briefly + i avoided eye contact. it was all very anticlimactic.

then! i was left to sit s'more + listen to other people plead their case. it was all so very peculiar. the judge called the others up individually as portly, sweaty lawyer man (P.S.L.M., for short) chatted loudly with the judge + explained your case,

"this man trespassed + missed his court date due to this + that + what have you..."

...meanwhile the judge stared straight at you. 

it was all very sweaty.

when it was my turn, i walked up nervously + could not contain my laughter. was this happening? this was so elle woods. or maybe brooke windham? (if you are following these legally blonde references, consider yourself smooched!) the portly, sweaty lawyer man (P.S.L.M., for short) ran my papers up to the judge + explained my case. the judge asked me if i was pleading guilty or not guilty + i couldn't decide if people actually said guilty or if it was something they only did on made-for-television dramas. i felt like i did when my dad told me that if i ordered a burger at la casa lopez they would come out yelling at me + singing a song about hamburgers. so much anxiety + so much confusion.

after holding eye contact for a shockingly long time, i mumbled, "guilty...?" + the judge gave me a fine. 

then i was whisked off to a table where a lady in a pantsuit had me sign some papers + off i went! my friends! my people! P.S.L.M! 

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i'm already crushing 2014. i really am. ;)

things that are bueno bueno.

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but!

first! 

am i a jack wagon or is there something so charming about palm trees? i look like such a tourist pushing my way around people to get a good picture of 'em, but, i don't know, they remind me of a lanky friend who needs a comb. endearing, no?

succulents! remember when these were the new cupcake? i don't mind. i love a good succulent. i have some plastic ones from ikea that i keep on my desk and oh, the joy they bring me! the swedes do some good things, plastic succulents included. 

let. it. be. noted. (for time +, most especially, for posterity) this face just happens! i think jeff suffers from r.b.f. (resting witch-with-a-b face)(in my dreams, i'm ballsy enough to curse on my blog. also in my dreams i am always braless + have much better legs, so. you know.) because whose face just does this?!

things that are bueno bueno :

...or 'good.' that works too. 

+ 'saving mr. banks' : tom hanks holds a special place in my heart, a place that will always love every movie he is ever in + will forever and always think of him as the sweetest man in hollywood (and look, hollywood agrees!). that said, i loved it (of course, tom hanks!) + am committing to watching marry poppins the second i get my hands on a copy. also the music! sa-woon! 

let. it. be. noted. : brooke in real life rolls her eyes when people say things like sa-woon, 

but, but brooke on the blog, this brooke, says it all the time. so there's that. 

+ banzai bowls : i left completely satisfied + mostly guilt-free (...and also feeling like, hey! i could have made that in my vitamix at home!). even jeff stapleton approved it + that is a feat (jeff stapleton doesn't especially like ice cream, frozen yogurt, smoothies, milkshakes, or fun.)

+ 70 degree weather : is it totally un-american of me to say that a white christmas might be a touch overrated? (my idaho roots are wanting to jump right out of my body + slap me) we celebrated with weather in the seventies, sandals, + a game of volleyball (they played, i watched). yesterday while we were out, there were so many people in the shortest of shorts + they were comfortable. endless summer!

+ the burger king near jeff's house : they have flavored drinks and fresh lemons. sold. 

+ my new booties : the stapleton's done did it. i feel like my feet belong in a jungle safari + i ain't above that. 

+ forgetting what the sound of my alarm even sounds like : i love being busy + genuinely enjoy writing to-do lists put, pffffft. sleeping in + having zero obligations has been wonderful. i set my alarm (...for 10 a.m. ...) today + i was near startled by the sound of it. what is that thing? oh, christmas break. don't end. 

merry christmas!

hey peeps,

merry christmas!

may your days be filled with happiness!

we had a great day over here. well, the parts i was alive for. i was hit hard with the stomach flu + have been spending most of the past two days holed up in my room with friends and gatorade...and self-tanner. lots of self-tanner. oddly, i ain't complaining! the missionaries came over for dinner + i managed to carry a bizarrely awkward conversation for five minutes. we all wanted it to end. if that ain't christmas, i don't know what is! ;)

merry, merry, merry!

a monday in california for brooke.

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i always found myself rolling my eyes at the california kids at byu (lovingly! some of my nearest + dearest reign from california). the way that they would complain that they didn't have proper winter clothes "because they never experienced real winter before" + the way they'd gush about the weather + the ocean + the way that they were always tan and had good skin and how are you wearing vans and that skirt so effortlessly? 

now, i'm not backing down from my idaho is queen argument but the more i come here, the more i get it. i do. i wore jeans today just because i could, not because i had to. my upper ankle saw the sun, people (a note about my upper ankle : on the right side, they are hairy. i wear nine anklets on my right ankle + shaving around them is a pain so...hairy ankles it is!). there were people mowing their lawns happily + merrily + the neighbor kid was even cleaning his boat...because, assumedly, he had just been boating. what is this madness? who are these people? why are my ankles so white?! blasted.

onwards! 

to a stream-of-conscience list of events that have transpired this week and a picture of my face + my new water bottle just because it's almost christmas (and let's weigh in, folks. are my brows too thick? i'm aiming for camilla belle, not joe jonas over here!)(...on second thought, don't weigh in. i once made cookies that sucked + jokingly asked my church class to guess what went wrong + this girl starts liiiiiisting off all these things as i stood there + shot her death glares through courtesy laughs) :

:: i've watched three seasons of friends in two weeks + i keep playing that annoying game which friends character are you? with people + then i stop after they answer for me. it's purely selfish but i really want to know. so far i've got joey, a hint of phoebe, rachel, and, according to jeff, 'opposite-monica' because i'm so messy. oh, thanks! i'm satisfied but can't we all agree i'm a chandler because i. love. him. 

:: when i'm old + a mama goose, i am putting a big stamp sign on christmas presents. dude! there is absolutely nothing worse, i don't wish it upon any one. sure, i love and love and love again the thrill of giving + watching people's faces light up but when the only direction you have is 'brooklyn 99-esque' and 'something comfy' it is kind of the worst. also why are h&m's lines always so bloody long? oranges, for all! oranges all over! 

:: everyone in this house has had a nasty flu virus. jeff's brothers found a 'flu fighter' online that consists of apple cider vinegar + ...apple cider vinegar. i mix it with a little orange juice + call it my 'anti-flu cocktail' + mildly crave it. 

:: trader joe employees are awfully happy. all the time. i like that.

:: long ago, i decided that me + jimmy fallon would probably be friends in real life. i just think we would! truly and honestly, i fear ever meeting him. what if he doesn't like me like i think he will? what if we don't hit it off talking about his sweet daughter + our mutual love for justin timberlake (p.s. did anyone see jt's impersonation of fallon on snl this past week? on. point.) what if everything isn't 'sooooo cool' + 'sooooo great' between us? eeeeep.

:: is it a zuchinni or is it a squash or why, why, why? 

:: i largely overestimated how i look in a white tee-shirt when i was packing for this trip. yelk.

:: at what age do i have to start baking holiday treats for my neighbors? eighty seven? 

oh, and the picture of my face!

i'm feeling joe jonas. 

a little of what i've been up to...and i happy sunday, because, duh.

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sorry for the absence, 
but i'm excited to announce something exciting...

baby stapleton coming june 2017! ha. gotcha. i'm only kidding people. last time i did a pregnancy hoax, i had a bearded friend of my jeffrey touching my stomach ten months later. nope sir, that is just a steady diet of tortilla chips + peanut butter you are feeling...

but i have been up to...things! like turning twenty one, for instance. my twenty first was what dreams were made of, people! i had dinner with my friends + a rumbi bowl with my jeffrey (and his brother in tow, hi shane!) + wandered target with a large soda in my hand for no good reason at all. dreams! also jeff woke me up with ninety eight balloons piled on top of me. have i ever told you balloons give me the heebies? just one of the many things me and oprah have in common...

i also got a new job. you might be wondering if i get a new job every two weeks to which i answer yes, my resume is actually a fold out pamphlet at this point but like, isn't that what part time jobs are all about?! any hoots, i'm a substitute. and i'm the 95% certain i am worst. i just sit there + try to get the kids to gossip with me because why was karen crying in first period, anyways?! 
anyways, a story : i subbed a first grade class this wednesday before i left (oh, hi from california where it is currently sixty something degrees + people are wearing ugg boots? why?) and the teacher decided to make a 'naughty + nice' list. the kids on the nice list were able to go to the class christmas party but the kids on the naughty list had to go to the library + feel their anxiety bubble up and explode inside of them. people! these are six year olds! mothers were lined up at the door explaining how their child had cried themselves to sleep the night before + children were bawling their eyes out...oi vey. it was a treat! also hat tip to the teacher for leaving that drama bomb + taking cover for the explosion. ha.

in other words, dear utah : i am adding oodles to your school system. ;)
(i am not actually the worst. in fact,  a 16 year old told me i was the best sub she ever had after i told her i shopped at forever twenty one. it's a small feat?)

onwards! my sister came to visit. when she comes, it's slightly magical. it might be because the whole week is caffeine shakes + sugar highs coupled with little sleep + punchy music. anyways, we had fun. she brings out a side of me that i usually leave tucked away (...this ain't about to be a ciara-like confession, here) + i find myself caring about the kardashians + high school drama a whole lot more + wearing obscene hats that say 'thug wife' on them. it's fun.
also, related : the amount of camo in my wardrobe increased substantially after her visit? hrmph?

like i said before, now i'm in california. we finished all of our christmas shopping yesterday remarkably. i say remarkably because the lines were crazy + we had panda express for lunch. i actually felt my brain throbbing at one point. what do they put in that stuff?! we are hoping to enjoy all that california has to offer for the next week + a half...and mostly just marvel over having a fully stocked pantry because, duh.


happy sunday, people!

hilary duff + twenty years of life... or where i try to make something of my last year. go with it.

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i'm nearly twenty one, you know? this upcoming monday! get your party pants on + your streamers ready + don't give me too much attention because i thrive on that stuff + before you know it i'll be twirling around singing a nearly unrecognizable version of santa baby + staring at you, begging for your approval + reminding you that you created this monster, now give me a hearty courtesy laugh!

i'm just joking, sort of?

my morgan friend + i were talking about life today. real deep, no? well, we were talking about life in between long, heated manifestos about how hilary duff truly followed the straight + narrow and about our love for deep, gothic flowers. whatever those are. any hoots, were were talking about how fast life can move! it feels like a year is such a long time + then, poof! you are left scratching your head and thinking, was dying my hair darker really the most noteworthy thing i did this year? 
answer : sort of.

my twentieth year was one where i just left things gel. i'm a wife +, while there are some definite logistics + parameters, it means whatever i want it to mean, you know? like this whole marriage thing has me saying 'who gun stop me now?' fifty five times more than a normal adult woman should. i'm an awful full-time employee...and student and that is okay, i can make ends meet many other ways. i love to cook but would much rather get eye rolls for brining in store-bought cookies than have to whip it up myself. i need my girl time and i need my alone time. weekly.  and that's so okay. i'm sort of more introverted than i expected? i'm not always happy + funny. oh, + i'm not an ombre type of girl. i just ain't.
i learned to not care so much what people think. i never thought i did, but also i kind of do? i feel like each year i'm giving less damns about the approval of other people which is awesome yet really scary for my future? i predict a lot of muumuus + not a lot of bras. mmmm.

i like this twenty-year-old brooke, despite the thousand things she started + quit + started again + quit for good this year. ha! but hi! twenty-one! new license + a new start! (group poll : i don't have to add those 'x' amount of pounds i gained since my last license, right? right.) also i'm talking in third person? this should stop?

the point of this all is...welp, back to hilary duff? she's my safe place.