jude william stapleton //

APRIL 22nd, 2016

The day Jude entered the world was the same day Jeff graduated (he got all gussied up, walked, got his diploma + off to the hospital we went) which feels sort of symbolic? Right?
 I had been in labor for 40 something hours (I wanted to go naturally)(...ask me now how I feel...)(#epiduralsforever) + was starting to feel it. Actually, no. I was far past 'feeling it' + headed straight for 'yelling at random strangers at Del Taco.'  Woof. My dreams of doing this all Paltrow-y were really seeming far off. WHO WAS I KIDDING? Also, let it be known, I watched Bravo reruns during this entire time. 40 hours of contractions, 40 hours of Real Housewives, Southern Charm, and, you know I was desperate, Shahs of Sunset.

When we finally got to the hospital + got all situated (...and drugged. So drugged. Thank you modern medicine), we flipped on the TV + watched Fixer Upper for a few hours while Jeff ate thai food + we soaked in the last few minutes of not being parents + started getting the urge to shiplap everything. They gave me some pitocin + within minutes I was ready to push. I WAS ELATED.

Jeff grasped my hand + my mom rubbed my head + we all avoided looking in the giant mirror they wheeled in(!!!!!!) + it was go-time. After four hearty pushes, he was on my chest and I was sobbing uncontrollably + was a mother. It was the most emotional experience of my whole life. He felt so new + heavenly but also overwhelmingly familiar. Ah. It is unexplainable. It was so, so beautiful. It felt like I was hit by a bus with the amount of love I felt in that very moment.
And now he is three + a half months + snoozing in the room right next to me.
LIFE. IS. SO. CRAZY. (and so good)(most of the time)

Jude Willam, I love you more than anything + everything + all the things times a trillion. You are my world. I vacillate between wanting you to stay itty bitty forever (the coos! the smell! the sweetness!) + wanting to speed up time so I can show you all the great things in the world (like Mt. Dew with grape flavoring + Jimmy Fallon + potato chips in sandwiches + the lake in August).
Love you forever.

mushy gush.

this year i gave jeff a lunchable + strawberry sobe for valentine's day.
he is a SIMPLE man + always tells me that's all he wants so! i listened!
i love my funny valentine.

valentine's weekend // california

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this weekend we skipped town with my sister + headed for some warmth + some in-law mooching. viva california! (...we are the moochiest) it was SO nice to lay in the sun + get a tan. i honestly forgot what it was like to feel swarm + sweat because i was hot, not because i was nervous. ha. i'm an ogre.

we spent one thrilling night in vegas where we snuck milo into the hotel e.t. style. i think he passed as a swaddled up baby UNTIL his tail popped out of the blanket and started wagging. BUT COME ON. we were in a cheap hotel in vegas -- i'm sure people were sneaking in far, far, far worse. right? ha. 

the first day in california we spent at the beach all day. it was 80 something degrees. HEAVEN. milo spent most of the time digging a hole? he does not know how to relax. also you're welcome for the super graphic bikini picture. ha. i have never felt more in-shape + swimsuit ready in my life then i do now. i was literally pounding pb + j sandwiches before the beach because who cares? all the carbs. the carbier the better. 

the next day we spent walking the beach + attending a wedding. they had a pasta bar which obviously i was pumped about. seriously, i think if i only had one word to sum up this pregnancy it would be GLUTEN! in all caps with an exclamation point. can not get enough.

the next day, we went to church, went to the beach again only to be rained out + relaxed at home. also i caught up on all my shows + can now safely say that i have kept up with the kardashians...and really, really want an invite to kris's next birthday party. ugh. she looks so good.

now, back to the cold!
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adult-ing // HAPPY FEBRUARY!!!!

(this post has been sitting in my drafts box)
i cannot even believe it is february. ever since i got pregnant (...errr, ever since i realized i was pregnant, 10 weeks later...), i feel like i am obsessed over time. suddenly, i am counting days + weeks + have doctor's appointments + have to remember to eat? IT IS HAPPENING.

but it is february. and man, i have been adult-ing so hard yesterday! on friday, i was on the phone with the department of workforce services while contacting my health insurance while looking up doctor's phone numbers + crying over out-of-pocket medical bill expenses (WORD TO THE WISE : don't fracture your foot + get pregnant all while you are in-between insurance. yikes.). it was exhausting.

also i have spent more time researching strollers than i'd like to admit + suddenly i care about things like laundry detergent + all-purpose cleaner.

AND! yesterday i had people over at my house to watch the superbowl. granted, they were some of my nearest and dearest but still! i fed people + made my house presentable + fretted over the state of pork + meatballs. adult-ing! (p.s. everyone needs a kenna in their life, the end)

now i am lying in bed watching 'real housewives' with milo who was recently neutered + had to wear a cone of shame for the week. poor baby.

THE END!

e m p a t h y //

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my favorite video (next to hotline bling + the one of the horse running).

double praises.

new york pt. II // #lilyandashton addition

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right before christmas, my blonde + beautiful lily-friend was married in new york city! fun fact : lily was the first person i met at byu. we sat by each while studio 5 performed + nervously laughed + chatted. actually, she might have been the second person i met but! she was the first person i liked. ha. 

her wedding was ah-may-zing. like, there was a rapper + lily rapped 'new york' on stage like freaking jay-z and bey with him + the food was out of this world + five thousand thumbs enthusiastically up. commence t.m.i. for this post : i danced so hard i actually had pee running down my leg + feared i would go into labor. the music! it was freaking out of control.

now, for pictures (and scrolling! keep scrolling!) : 

lily had her rehearsal dinner at shake shack + radio city musical hall where we watched the rockettes perform their christmas program. oh my word! soooooo good. my dream is to sprout long legs + some rhythm + be a rockette. 

or really, the long legs would suffice. 

this poorly lit photo because this bagel! it was from tompkin's bagel...somehwere. i don't even know where i was. we flew the red eye, took a nap + then...this bagel! the left is smoked salmon + capers and the right is the bacon, egg + cheese. mmmm.

radio city! eh! 

how fanc', right? also ignore how tired i look. i was...growing a baby.

grilled cheese shooters. 

i did a number on these.

no seriously, i had 8. 

the happy couple walkin' in! 

the happy couple walkin' out! 

badda bing! badda boom!
that's a wrap!
scroll. scroll. scroll.

cringing, but... :

against my will + per the prodding of jeffrey : a bump photo.

i am mostly cringing but, hey! i'll be happy about the documentation someday.

now back to the bachelor. 

*almost* 27 weeks // an update.

#pregnancy

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i'm sliding right into 27 weeks (third trimester, what. is. up.) + realize i have failed at documenting this pregnancy. like, totally failed. i don't feel like my bump is bumpin' enough to post a picture +, to be honest, a picture of me pounding a cheeseburger in the drive-through is far more accurate. ha. 

cravings : bacon cheeseburgers (of the wendy's sort), grapefruit juice and s l e e p .

sleep : ain't nothing like an early bed time. except for lately i have had a few nights where i am totally restless + totally resentful of the sleeping jeff beside me. 

movement : so. there was like, none FOR SO LONG + i was so bummed. now homie moves 24/7 + loooooves to kick me hard + lay on my bladder. mmmmm. 

weight gain : i'm an equal opportunity weight gainer, as my cousin summer would say. i feel like my eyelids are chubby at this point...actually, i DO feel like i have gained 3,674 pounds in my face alone.

best moment : just all the talking about mommy-ing/parent-ing, being able to eat gluten painlessly (NOT KIDDING! pass the pizza) + any time i get to see an ultrasound.

worst moment : ...let's just say i am very swollen in a very interesting place...

missing : my jawline.

nesting : sooooort of. there is a high possibility we are moving right after i deliver (like, a week after. the timeline is a tad bit stress inducing), so we don't have a nursery or anything of the sort. but we do have a carseat + two jumpers! so there's something! 

and that's my bumpdate (thank you, pinterest!). we have sort of, kind of decided on a name + THAT IS EXCITING. the middle name is still up in the air + jeff's suggestions are getting weirder by the minute so, you know. rolling with it.

WEEEEELP... // not billionaires.

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welp, we woke up on wednesday only to find out that we weren't billionaires. or even millionaires. or even, sadly, people with a proper bank account.

i was tooooootally reasonable about our odds of winning until i wasn't. 

i actually thought we had a shot! 

we could quit life + buy a house on a lake in idaho/montana/washington + a boat + 

someone to clean my house + help those in need + have 1,209,039 puppies and children + 

 lift my boobs so high i could rest my chin on them!!!!!

(my ladies are a sensitive subject right now)

(...they just. keep. growing.)

next time, powerball. next time. 

the revenant // my tuesday.

are you sick of seeing pictures of my dog yet? just bear with me until my face returns to normal size + i have a baby to take pictures of.

speaking of bears, jeff convinced me to see 'the revenant' today. it was THREE hours long (well, including previews + the pause in the middle when the screen stopped working + everyone chanted in unison FREE MOVIE! FREE MOVIE! FREE MOVIE! mob mentality is a delicious thing). the setting of the movie was beautiful. it reminded me of idaho/montana (confirmed! some parts were filmed in montanta!) buuuuuuut it was just. so. long.
my summary of the movie : a battered and beaten and perpetually frozen leonardo dicaprio seeks revenge in a bear suit + then plays the longest and most violent game of cat-mouse ever with tom hardy. woof.

i did cry three times, though. so that's something.
also my favorite movie is like, elizabethtown so maybe don't take my word for it?
(jeff would like everyone to know that he loved it + recommends)

other noteworthy, yet not paragraph-worthy items :

* on our walk today, milo + i crossed paths with three deer just walking down the middle of 300 south.
* i subbed a class today in which the girl pulled out a freaking SELFIE STICK!!!!! why?!!! what could you possibly want to remember about this day?
* i'm going to start writing an in-depth journal about my mental state during the last bit of this pregnancy. i'm convinced i'm actually going insane.
* my mom sent me a mug that says, 'why do you always look so sweaty and nervous?' -- actually me.
* we are never going to decide on a name for this baby. poor boy is going to be 'baby boy stapleton' for the first fifteen...years of his life.

aaaaaaand that's a tuesday.

the good-good.

+ a saturday full of cousins, bacon cheeseburgers, friends + fresh babies.
+ fake (very fake!) house hunting.
+ drives with my two scruffy dudes + a suspiciously perfect spotify shuffle.
+ breakfast with my grandma followed by a slice of coconut cream pie.
+ sneaking a giant, fizzy diet coke with cherry into sunday school.
+ the sound of milo's wagging tail hitting the wall.
+ sunday dinner courtesy of mckenna. that girl can cook.

this, that + a saturday.

we are adult-ing so hard now : life insurance! check! i can now die knowing jeff will be properly taken care of + the exact monetary amount he thinks i'm worth. 

(but can you really put a price on my wit, wisdom + wily ways? ...apparently)

also, it should be put down in history that i am now one of those people who puts their dog in day-care. also, it should be noted that i spent fifteen minutes agonizing over whether or not he would 'fit in' + actually worried about other dogs making fun of his grandpa face. what is wrong with me?! i don't know. let's just keep moving.

like how about the fact that...

my bacon cheeseburger count for the week is a whopping four. 

i finished making a murderer + let's not talk about it. it's serial podcast all over again.

eyelash extensions change lives. (i caved. i feel gross, okay?)

i started scream-jumping when the bachelor premiered. becca! miniature pony! lace!

(speaking of lace) she is the real-life version of cecily strong's character on snl,

'girl at a party you wish you never started a conversation with' (watch it! watch it!)

anyways, 

my new year's resolutions are basically shot to hell.

why do i resolve every year to be a less annoying version of gwyneth paltrow? i will never be a gwyneth. i like costco hot dogs too much.

merry new year, happy christmas, here i am.

HI AND HAPPY 2016!

since we last chatted, i turned 23, ended my stint of holiday retail employment, traveled to new york for the best. wedding. ever. (and tried shake shack! more on this all later!) + celebrated the holidays in california with my in-laws.

...and i've gotten bigger + crazier + have cried // apologized // had crazy outbursts like, fifteen times in between. pregnancy is slowly turning me into a person who cries in public + confronts people in line of grocery stores. just lock me up already.
...and i've discovered the jr. bacon cheeseburger at wendy's. i know. so gross. i actually feel embarrassed for myself when i think about my car in the drive-through at 10:23 a.m. that happened.

and that's a wrap.

currently //

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last night we ordered pizza for the first time since being married. three years, no pizza! what! i would just like it to be known that i am now a minor celebrity at the domino's down the street for my extra mushroom, extra pineapple, olive + pepperoni creation. savory + sweet. mmmmmm. it was just one of those things that had to happen. also i tried a double del cheeseburger for the first time ever? maybe this explains why i am home sick today, unable to move? gross.

also! did you know! i am over the half way point! i am 20 weeks + then some as of yesterday. we went to the doctor for a little checkup + ultrasound + everything is looking...alien-ish? skeletal? mildly creepy? but good! so far, every time we have an ultrasound, the baby has his hands up against the wall of my stomach. everyone gets a kick out of it besides me. is he trying to claw his way out?!!!!! what is happening?!!!!! but seriously, so far, so good. thank heavens.

and milo? he's mostly potty trained + completely spoiled. jeff asked me today, in all seriousness, 'what if i don't love our child like i love milo?' ha! i'm actually concerned that we will love the child more. like, how is that possible? we send pictures back + forth all day + i don't think we have had a real conversation about anything since we brought him home. oops.

anyways! it is my birthday tomorrow! it's my last day as a 22 year old + so far i've spent a lot of time in my robe. c'est la vie!

a quick little thank you list :

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because i skipped it on thanksgiving.
i am thankful for (in no particular order)...

* jeffrey
* my family on both sides.
* MILO!!!! all the heart eyes.
* friends.
* also friends the series.
* sunshine.
* pb + j sandwiches.
* the gilmore girls.
* my library card!
* naps.
* good times, bad times, rock 'n roll.
* funny people.
* eyelash extensions (when i can afford them) + a nice shellac.
* the gospel.
* apples. but only of the honeycrisp + pink lady variety.
* sweatpants + stretchy denim.
(as regina george would say, they "are all that fits me right now...")
* growing this baby!
* a body that can move + play (...and, at present, expand in every direction)
* bronzer + fake tanner. ain't ashamed.
* coconut oil, for it fixes all.
* phone calls. (i hate texting)
* ...except for purely in GIFS. i am thankful for GIFS.
* warm sheets.
* diet coke with cherry. in the can, thank you.
* a nice, mostly clean apartment.
* my sense of humor
(because sometimes life is rotten)
* chocolate chip cookies.
* a washer + dryer(!!!!!!).
* seasons.
* amazon prime // hulu // netflix. hehehe.


...and that's a wrap for today. i could go on + on, but i won't
because i hear most people are thankful for short-windedness.
...oof.

introducing...milo!

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this week my family was here from idaho, washington + california to celebrate thanksgiving in utah with all my cousins. it was a lot of fun + a lot of people + a l o t of food + now my body is like, GOODBYE + i haven't moved off my couch / stopped sneezing since. woof.

also did i mention we got a puppy?
i know. i know.

we have been talking about getting a dog forever + especially wanted one before i got pregnant. but then that happened + time passed + we were like, welp. no dog. anyways, my sister mckenzie wanted to go look at puppies for fun + i'm sure you know how the story goes? i looked at him. he looked at me. i couldn't leave. i had to get him.

so world, meet milo cyrus stapleton + i looooooove him + his cow spots. 

he is a beagle-heeler...collie? maybe? the verdict is out on that one. he is super cute + mostly getting the hang of potty training + kennel training. except for yesterday when we went to costco + he sat on my lap + actually peed into my pocket. my phone is currently soaking in a bag of rice. oddly enough, i felt bad for him? how does that figure? is this a prequel to parenthood?
(this reminds me of the time i backed my mom's car into another car + declared I AM THE WORST DRIVER EVER!!!!! + somehow she felt bad for me for feeling so bad? parenthood. what.)

but, yeah. he's cute. we love him.
...except for that whole phone thing...update : still not working.

let's all pretend...

can we all just pretend i'm actually related to chris stapleton?
okay. cool.

p.s. him and justin timberlake at the cma's. 
p.p.s. my dad got me hooked on him. so hip.

phone dump + some catch-up.

"you're the catch-up girl! not to be confused with 'ketchup girl' 'cause that's not you at all. you were strictly a mustard + relish girl from day one -- there's a little condiment humor for ya."

woof! hi! okay so you know how i took that giant break from blogging?
...probably not. who am i kidding? anyways, here's a bit of catch-up for you from the past couple months a la phone dumpage. or something. i definitely misuse 'a la' but i. don't. care. onwards! phone dump! hit it, guitar man :

// floated the provo river with my family...+ got caught in a total storm. it was pouring rain the whole time + even started to hail! i actually thought i was going to die. of course this happens to us.
// shot a sh'load of weddings at the prettiest places with the best people.
// had eyelash extensions. love myself.
// went on a little hike with my sissy-poo. we climbed all the way into the waterfall + froze our butts of. oh the mems.

// celebrated my brother chad's wedding at my favorite place, the lake! i was in town for a friend's wedding + it all worked out seamlessly. p.s. shooting high school friend's weddings? best ever. i got to catch up with all my old pals and see my friend get married? tops.

// celebrated avery's wedding 2.0 in california + spent most of the week sleeping on the beach
+ catching up on my real housewives. actually, i spent most of my time sleeping in the guest room at the stapleton's because i. was. so. tired. (...and so unknowingly pregnant. may or may not have gone to a sushi bar. i'm an idiot).

// went to idaho for an orthodontist appointment(?). it is as dumb as it sounds. ha. also chopped off my hair + took an indulgent selfie.
// baked a pineapple upside cake + had it for breakfast for the next two weeks.
// visited new mexico for a wedding! we went on a breaking bad tour + jeff posted a lot of photos of himself on his instagram, ha! he is a mega-fan of the series + l o v e d new mexico more than most people probably do. but look at that view! also they had a bahama bucks so i was happy.
// took this really awful picture.

// visited sundance with my grandma, mama, + sister. the views! the. views. it was soooo pretty. sure do love these women in my life.

// helped move by sister in at byu-idaho + took a little pit stop in stanley, idaho to visit redfish lake! so. so. so. pretty. it was practically empty there.

// my fam came down for general conference! ...now that i'm blogging this, i'm realizing that my family has visited a. lot. these past couple of months. ha. sorry jeffrey. just kidding ;).

// went to MOTHER FREAKING new york city! oh. my. gosh. it was the time of my life! i went to take my friend lily's engagement pictures which is like, the coolest thing ever + she was the best host + i had so much fun + i can't wait to go back in a few weeks + i'm so happy we are friends + the brooklyn bridge! + the top of the one world trade center at night!!!!! + i don't even care that this is the longest run-on sentence in the history of run-on sentences because I WENT TO NEW YORK!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the exclamation points. okay i'm done now.

// celebrated this cutie's birthday.
// carved pumpkins. mine was...horrible.
// celebrated the first snowfall!
// obsessed over the leaves. all the leaves. so pretty.
(i'm losing steam here. are you still scrolling?!?!!!!!!)

// and now we're back. let's never do this again?

p.s. today i am flying back to idaho to shoot a wedding this weekend! pray i don't freeze!