i'm weak

I am so, incredibly weak when it comes to self-control. Well, rephrase: I am so, incredibly, embarrassingly weak when it comes to self-control WITH food. And television series. And beardy men. And Marshall Mathers. But back to food: More than a billion times I tell myself that I am going to ‘begin a-new’ and begin to eat healthy. I brainstorm all the steps that are going to help me become ‘healthy’ including: refusing the bread basket, no more Nutella…well at least less of it, water instead of Diet Pepsi, and eat less bacon. And I begin! I go for two, three, four hours of giving the hand(or finger) to all bread baskets that come my way, NOT cracking open at D.Pepsi at 7 in the A.M., and bettering my bread:Nutella ratio. But it’s at those very moments, that I am TRYING to be healthy, that my mother will make something ridiculous. Like Butterfinger cookies, homemade donuts, or bacon-wrapped Butterfinger flavored homemade donuts. Served by a beardy man. It’s as if the world doesn’t WANT me to eat healthy. Today, I told myself that I was turning a new leaf and leaving behind my plate-licking ways. As I reached for a yogurt(sick!) in the fridge, I saw that there was a huge, welcoming bowl of cookie dough with just enough chocolate chips. Needless to say: cookie dough for breakfast. And some Hershey kisses. And a banana dipped in Nutella. And a Diet Pepsi.

icy hot in the face.

Unfortunately and fortunately, the camping trip’s sleeping arrangement was not quite as uncomfortable as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I slept like a rock. Retainer and all. There was a bit of discomfort, though, when I was told by the sig-O’s cousin that I smelt funny. Then she bit me and told me I tasted worst. All the while she was sitting on my lap. I shoved my knee in her hind end to get a bit of redemption…and then imagined myself smothering her face in Icy Hot. That got my through the week. After that I was off to Utah. Otherwise known as Pootah. I met a lot of great, new people and a lot of awkward, new people. All of which I had to hug goodbye at the end of the week. Hugging is weird. At least for me. Why do people feel the need to say something whilst hugging? Mid-hug a guy told me that I was ‘Proactive in conversation. And really good.’ What? Why? No! I pulled away and DIDN’T shove my knee in his hind end, but did imagine myself smothering his face with Icy Hot. Ain't no thing. Finally, I went to ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ last night(which wasn’t even 1/7 of as good as the book, why do they always do that dagummit?!) and played the role of the annoying, annonymous cackling person(?) in the back. Apologies all 9:40 ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ movie goers. My B.