jude william stapleton //

APRIL 22nd, 2016

The day Jude entered the world was the same day Jeff graduated (he got all gussied up, walked, got his diploma + off to the hospital we went) which feels sort of symbolic? Right?
 I had been in labor for 40 something hours (I wanted to go naturally)(...ask me now how I feel...)(#epiduralsforever) + was starting to feel it. Actually, no. I was far past 'feeling it' + headed straight for 'yelling at random strangers at Del Taco.'  Woof. My dreams of doing this all Paltrow-y were really seeming far off. WHO WAS I KIDDING? Also, let it be known, I watched Bravo reruns during this entire time. 40 hours of contractions, 40 hours of Real Housewives, Southern Charm, and, you know I was desperate, Shahs of Sunset.

When we finally got to the hospital + got all situated (...and drugged. So drugged. Thank you modern medicine), we flipped on the TV + watched Fixer Upper for a few hours while Jeff ate thai food + we soaked in the last few minutes of not being parents + started getting the urge to shiplap everything. They gave me some pitocin + within minutes I was ready to push. I WAS ELATED.

Jeff grasped my hand + my mom rubbed my head + we all avoided looking in the giant mirror they wheeled in(!!!!!!) + it was go-time. After four hearty pushes, he was on my chest and I was sobbing uncontrollably + was a mother. It was the most emotional experience of my whole life. He felt so new + heavenly but also overwhelmingly familiar. Ah. It is unexplainable. It was so, so beautiful. It felt like I was hit by a bus with the amount of love I felt in that very moment.
And now he is three + a half months + snoozing in the room right next to me.
LIFE. IS. SO. CRAZY. (and so good)(most of the time)

Jude Willam, I love you more than anything + everything + all the things times a trillion. You are my world. I vacillate between wanting you to stay itty bitty forever (the coos! the smell! the sweetness!) + wanting to speed up time so I can show you all the great things in the world (like Mt. Dew with grape flavoring + Jimmy Fallon + potato chips in sandwiches + the lake in August).
Love you forever.

mushy gush.

this year i gave jeff a lunchable + strawberry sobe for valentine's day.
he is a SIMPLE man + always tells me that's all he wants so! i listened!
i love my funny valentine.

valentine's weekend // california

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this weekend we skipped town with my sister + headed for some warmth + some in-law mooching. viva california! (...we are the moochiest) it was SO nice to lay in the sun + get a tan. i honestly forgot what it was like to feel swarm + sweat because i was hot, not because i was nervous. ha. i'm an ogre.

we spent one thrilling night in vegas where we snuck milo into the hotel e.t. style. i think he passed as a swaddled up baby UNTIL his tail popped out of the blanket and started wagging. BUT COME ON. we were in a cheap hotel in vegas -- i'm sure people were sneaking in far, far, far worse. right? ha. 

the first day in california we spent at the beach all day. it was 80 something degrees. HEAVEN. milo spent most of the time digging a hole? he does not know how to relax. also you're welcome for the super graphic bikini picture. ha. i have never felt more in-shape + swimsuit ready in my life then i do now. i was literally pounding pb + j sandwiches before the beach because who cares? all the carbs. the carbier the better. 

the next day we spent walking the beach + attending a wedding. they had a pasta bar which obviously i was pumped about. seriously, i think if i only had one word to sum up this pregnancy it would be GLUTEN! in all caps with an exclamation point. can not get enough.

the next day, we went to church, went to the beach again only to be rained out + relaxed at home. also i caught up on all my shows + can now safely say that i have kept up with the kardashians...and really, really want an invite to kris's next birthday party. ugh. she looks so good.

now, back to the cold!
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adult-ing // HAPPY FEBRUARY!!!!

(this post has been sitting in my drafts box)
i cannot even believe it is february. ever since i got pregnant (...errr, ever since i realized i was pregnant, 10 weeks later...), i feel like i am obsessed over time. suddenly, i am counting days + weeks + have doctor's appointments + have to remember to eat? IT IS HAPPENING.

but it is february. and man, i have been adult-ing so hard yesterday! on friday, i was on the phone with the department of workforce services while contacting my health insurance while looking up doctor's phone numbers + crying over out-of-pocket medical bill expenses (WORD TO THE WISE : don't fracture your foot + get pregnant all while you are in-between insurance. yikes.). it was exhausting.

also i have spent more time researching strollers than i'd like to admit + suddenly i care about things like laundry detergent + all-purpose cleaner.

AND! yesterday i had people over at my house to watch the superbowl. granted, they were some of my nearest and dearest but still! i fed people + made my house presentable + fretted over the state of pork + meatballs. adult-ing! (p.s. everyone needs a kenna in their life, the end)

now i am lying in bed watching 'real housewives' with milo who was recently neutered + had to wear a cone of shame for the week. poor baby.

THE END!

e m p a t h y //

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my favorite video (next to hotline bling + the one of the horse running).

double praises.

new york pt. II // #lilyandashton addition

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right before christmas, my blonde + beautiful lily-friend was married in new york city! fun fact : lily was the first person i met at byu. we sat by each while studio 5 performed + nervously laughed + chatted. actually, she might have been the second person i met but! she was the first person i liked. ha. 

her wedding was ah-may-zing. like, there was a rapper + lily rapped 'new york' on stage like freaking jay-z and bey with him + the food was out of this world + five thousand thumbs enthusiastically up. commence t.m.i. for this post : i danced so hard i actually had pee running down my leg + feared i would go into labor. the music! it was freaking out of control.

now, for pictures (and scrolling! keep scrolling!) : 

lily had her rehearsal dinner at shake shack + radio city musical hall where we watched the rockettes perform their christmas program. oh my word! soooooo good. my dream is to sprout long legs + some rhythm + be a rockette. 

or really, the long legs would suffice. 

this poorly lit photo because this bagel! it was from tompkin's bagel...somehwere. i don't even know where i was. we flew the red eye, took a nap + then...this bagel! the left is smoked salmon + capers and the right is the bacon, egg + cheese. mmmm.

radio city! eh! 

how fanc', right? also ignore how tired i look. i was...growing a baby.

grilled cheese shooters. 

i did a number on these.

no seriously, i had 8. 

the happy couple walkin' in! 

the happy couple walkin' out! 

badda bing! badda boom!
that's a wrap!
scroll. scroll. scroll.

cringing, but... :

against my will + per the prodding of jeffrey : a bump photo.

i am mostly cringing but, hey! i'll be happy about the documentation someday.

now back to the bachelor.